Is it normal to feel like you're rushing your healing?

[maggieMAE]

I feel like I post too much, so sorry if this is redundant. I'm reeeaaally not overthinking it, k? :shame:

 

Is it normal to feel like you're rushing your own healing? I suspect I'm not being patient with myself. Other than when I pour my heart out on this forum, I'm usually telling others that "I'm just fine", for fear of seeming like I'm pining over my ex. I wonder frequently if it's pathetic that I'm still sad about it 2 months after the BU of a 3 year RS. Is this normal to be so impatient?

 

I guess I'm just determined to leave this drama behind me, and I'm excited for the bright future that's ahead of me. At the same time my mind keeps wandering back to how the heck my ex can do it so "gracefully". >_> It's NONE of my concern how she's holding up, I know this.

 

I really wish I could be more patient with myself and let myself grieve. I just REALLY feel that I should be past that point by now. Maybe it's that I'm passed the outside sympathy phase where people are going to be patient and understanding (not that I share much except for a few very close friends), and now it has to turn inward...? I think I'm honestly being very harsh with myself, almost drill sergeanty about shutting up my whoa is me crap.

 

Thoughts?

[mhowe]

It is hard to be patient -- you want to feel good again. Just set small goals, and treat yourself. The two month mark is a good place---you have gotten past the tough part.

 

Next time you start the "woe is me" crap....allow yourself 10 minutes. And then go do something --- anything. It will change your mindset -- walk, go to a movie, call a friend...it can be anything. Just don't keep dwelling.

 

One day soon, you are going to get to the end of the day and realize you haven't thought about the break up or you ex once. And you will smile.

[Keyman]

We all want the pain of a breakup to be over as quickly as possible, I mean, who wants to feel the ongoing pain? We feel bad for burdening anyone else with our problems, and this can make us feel worse and want it to be over even faster. So, yes, it can be normal to be impatient.

 

I feel that you are bogged down in your head about where you should be in the break up. Like you've mapped the breakup on a gannt chart and are getting annoyed because you aren't meeting the break up project plan milestones. But things will happen when they are ready to happen and not before, and not because we wish them to be ready now, or that someone in some book says we should be at this phase.

 

It's okay to grieve, you just need to let yourself. And once you start grieving, you might notice that things move along faster than you expect.

[Reflective82]

I feel the same. Sometimes it feels like you will never be over it. But I'd say see where you are 2 months from now- and it likely will be in a better place than now

[maggieMAE]

Thanks. I'm going to set little monthly goals like that. So I'm this "good" after 2 months, let's see how I am after 4.

 

I just need to be as supportive to myself as I am to friends who are going through it, but I don't know how to. I'm usually that one person who doesn't mind talking about it til they're blue in the face, and then I'll even help them talk about it some more a few days later if they need me. But when it comes to my own grief, I do notice that I bottle it up until it boils over. It just sucks admitting I'm hurting over someone who hurt me.

 

I think it's also remembering how I acted during previous breakups. I was pining over exes for so long, and I'm trying so hard to avoid that right now. I do give credit for my current cold-hard NC to the fact that I wanna prove that I'm not a sucker and won't beg like I did with other breakups. But in avoiding being weak, I'm also being hard on myself in wishing I'd just get over it already. =/

 

Christmas is gonna be tough. I did the major no-no! Christmas would have been our "anniversary". Hoooo-boy!

[FreeFallFeelin]

That impatient feeling is totally normal. In fact, I bet about 100% of dumpees would love to just be "over it". But unfortunately we're human. To lose a loved one is the hardest thing to go through in life. It's to be expected that we will grieve for them for quite a while. It proves to you how strong love is. How deep those connections go and how precious they are when we have them. To lose that not only makes you miss their presence, but also makes most people question yourself. If you were able to just turn around, walk away, and never look back, then I'd say you were my ex ...er, I mean ...brutal and cold ;-)