My anger is getting to me.

[Panther_Dude]

I post here off/on...some of you might know me.

 

Been hurting myself since 16, now 25. Bit myself on the left fore arm because I wanted to look outside in fenced in back yard for one of our cats, but mom wouldn't let me and dad yelled, so I kicked a jug of litter and Dad yelled at me again saying If I keep this up he is gonna kick me out. Little does he know, if I become homeless, I won't last long if you get my drift. I'm just so tired...my life sucks and anger is not helping.

 

I had a job years ago, but my mood and young attitude is preventing me from working ever again. I don't think I would make the mistake again, but my major references, ie work history probably don't say any good about me. Basically told them off, and thus it probably makes people not want to hire me, esp in this economy.

 

 

And please don't say I need Church. I'm a Neo-Pagan/Pagan. And living in the South, my back feels like it is against the wall.

 

I just feel like I've made horrible decisions since High school years, and I dunno how much longer I can do this. The only thing that keeps me truly going is my 3 cats and my political views/volunteering.

 

Am I gonna kill myself tonight? No...typing this helped...but my desire to live right now isn't good. I feel everything is helpless.

 

In terms of long term plans, I did sign up for FSP. Free State Project. Which is a...special thing. Basically means one day I will move up to New Hampishere...and spread message of Liberty. Sadly may actually mean improving the GOP....as a Libertarian, this doesn't make me feel good, considering I hate the two-party system.

[omdhafeio]

What you did today or a long time ago has nothing to do with right now, except that you realize you made some mistakes. At this very second you aren't making any mistakes.

 

I'm not going to preach about God because God is silly and has nothing to do with anything except giving people excuses to do stupid things.

 

Are your parents controlling? I mean you're 25 and still living at home. I don't understand why your mom wouldn't let you look outside in a fenced back yard..

Seems like the first step you need toward sanity is getting the heck away from your parents. If you dad kicks you out, say thank you, and stay at a friend's place.

[junebug123]

You know, sometimes politics are involved in every situation when dealing with people. Sometimes you get more power in the work place or at home by being calm and explaining things rationally. When people debate its to try to understand the other persons point of view and persuade them that maybe your point of view is more agreeable. However, when you get angry it is clear that you had to result to violence in order to solve the problem and when the other side sees that (it only means they have won). Anger is a result of having a problem which you have no control over and when people feel powerless they result to anger to fix the problem/ gain control; however anyone who gets angry is clearly not in control of themselves and others see it as a weakness they can exploit (i know because i am a very angry person myself )

 

It seems that all you need to do is try to work out your problems with your folks by getting a job, they just want what is best for you and they want you to be productive and successful in life. You should try to work on your angry issues by going to therapy or support groups, and in the meantime try to find a job. I am sure once you do those two things, life will get much much easier. And in the meantime just try to take a hot bath and cool down its going to be okay you can trust me on that.

[junebug123]

i wouldn't move out fyi until you have a stable job and can support yourself. I know i tried it before it was really hard and i regretted it unless you like living in a homeless shelter i doubt you friends will let you live off them for very long.

[Trinity11]

What you did today or a long time ago has nothing to do with right now, except that you realize you made some mistakes. At this very second you aren't making any mistakes.

 

I'm not going to preach about God because God is silly and has nothing to do with anything except giving people excuses to do stupid things.

 

Are your parents controlling? I mean you're 25 and still living at home. I don't understand why your mom wouldn't let you look outside in a fenced back yard..

Seems like the first step you need toward sanity is getting the heck away from your parents. If you dad kicks you out, say thank you, and stay at a friend's place.

 

OP I agree with this poster.

Do you like living in the South? I don't know anything about the South I am pretty ignorant to that part of the US but I get the vibe that its a pretty christian place no? How does that affect your beliefs?

Perhaps a Seachange is in order (what us aussies say when thinking of a major relocation) Maybe try out another state. Perhaps there will be something to get you invigorated and interested. If the people around you have different values that are more like your own, you may not feel so angry and frustrated??

 

BUT to do this, it may mean sucking it up, get a job and think of the end of the rainbow so you get there

Sometimes moving can be an unexpected welcome surprise. I never thought I would end up living where I am (came for a holiday) and since being here I think I am a better person. I am more willing to try things, and the community I live in a FAR more supportive than the two previous places I lived.

 

Think it over. Just remember the only person who can change your situation is YOU.

[Panther_Dude]

What you did today or a long time ago has nothing to do with right now, except that you realize you made some mistakes. At this very second you aren't making any mistakes.

 

I'm not going to preach about God because God is silly and has nothing to do with anything except giving people excuses to do stupid things.

 

Are your parents controlling? I mean you're 25 and still living at home. I don't understand why your mom wouldn't let you look outside in a fenced back yard..

Seems like the first step you need toward sanity is getting the heck away from your parents. If you dad kicks you out, say thank you, and stay at a friend's place.

 

 

Well, I live in Eastern NC...so we have a tropical storm warning here. Although it doesn't feel like it to me. The cat is inside now and in her cage (one of my other cats got her in the litter box one time, so now the cat pisses on teh floor, but we have a 6 foot secruity fence so most of the day she is out and about being a bad ass)

 

I know I need a job. I do have two lousy paper routes, but I hate them. The only bright side is I pay my own cell phone bill with that.

 

I do go to community college off/on, but am failing my math class and I am all about given up there. I am thinking about changing majors...but was told by a friend that political science isn't worth it. For many months now, I have been promoting...I've been supporting who I am voting for, and am of course a volunteer and a volunteer for the party that is coming here to the county. These two things I can put on applications now. My guy won't win...probably will finish 3rd in the election, but I feel that this country needs a 3rd party to help things.

[Panther_Dude]

I like NC in terms of...the trees, my fav football team is here, and radio station. But I can find nature everywhere, follow my team online or get the package on tv to watch games if I have the money, and the radio station I like streams online and on smart phones. So in those three terms, nothing is holding me back. Well,...my cats I guess are. I've said earlier I signed up with FSP. I've been told that is more geared towards reforming the GOP there...I hope not. I hope when I move up there or when I have to move up there, it is more towards the LP.

[Panther_Dude]

Here is a list of, I guess 'sins' would be the correct word.

 

 

1. My first and only time having sex was when I posted a ad on craigslist. Woman was married and I regret it. But yet, I still think about it. Cause...it's the only time I've done things like that I guess.

 

2. I have a fetish. Headscissors. Basically like being chocked by a pair of thighs. Paid for two sessions. I don't actually regret the first session...but the second session I regret, and it has led me to at times, not like my past. Both sessions were with different women.

 

3. All of the self injuries. Hitting my head, cutting, binge eating, biting, scratching, etc. It's so hard to stop doing this.

 

4. Addicted to caffeine. Although this one isn't as bad, it can be. Should caffeine be illegal? No. That is silly. But for me, it at times is like my booze. I cut down the more I jog.

 

5. Jacking off. It's just out of control...I like it of course, but um...I need to cut back a lot.

[Trinity11]

Thats a different way to have a first time hehe. I wouldn't have gone the married woman though. What is done is done I guess.

 

Your fetish sounds interesting and fun, don't worry about it. Be safe though.

 

Don't hurt yourself. Go do something else instead. Turn it into an activity. Like bad day-go fishing or paintballing or something like that. Take out your frustrations another way. I know its going to be a hard one to change. I am not a nail biter...but when I am under stress I used to pick at my skin..like ingrown hairs on my legs or something. It wasnt pretty. Once I realised I did it when I was stressed it was easier to deal with.

 

Caffeine is additive. Instead of always drinking coffee or energy drinks, have some tea. At least it has antioxidants in it.

 

Jacking off....well if you are young...thats normal. Its good to be aware of your body. haha Again...go do an activity..

 

You sound like you just need to go do something that interests you.

[Panther_Dude]

Well,...I feel life has taken a turn for the worse. I'm depressed most of the day, heart broken....I'm eating real less...but still eating 1-3 meals a day, but am losing weight. I am going to the doctor for a check up in a few weeks, maybe bit longer than that. Just a regular check up and ask to screen for STD test to finally make sure I am clean. I think I am...but I dunno. I feel getting a job is gonna be hard. I'm in love with a woman who after 3 years of no contact, we finally became friends on Facebook. Spoke very brifely on there last Friday. But she hasn't been on since to my knowledge and no response to my message asking her out to coffee to catch up. I really do love her, love at first site love. Which is the hardest love of all, a blessing and a curse.

 

I also took a few mood disorder tests online, which really mean nothing. But one of them told me to call this hotline...I don't want help. I feel it is catch-22. I feel with my anger and ****, back is to the wall....and life is horrible. I'm on the brink of giving up for good...no matter what I do, I will never be happy.