how to send a message without being rude

[ehfar]

Alright, so I've been starting several new threads recently because my mind is just on a constant turbo speed and always thinking of new things that are bothering me.

 

Last night was a really hard night for me. It's been almost three weeks since my boyfriend broke up with me, and I was doing relatively fine up until last night when I'm not really sure what happened but my mind wandered to the reason he broke up with me. He said it wasn't fair that he wasn't as committed blah blah and that I was kind of just a burden and he always had to decide whether he should invite me along or not to our mutual friends' place when he went over, when he was with other people he'd always feel stress like he felt he should be hanging out with me but didn't want to.

 

And really just yesterday is when it hit me how much that actually hurts me. It hurts me so much. He made me feel so absolutely unimportant. He says he cares about me and I'm his best friend and still has those feelings for me but he just didn't think it was fair to me, but if he really cared about me so much he would never make me feel so bad about myself, so unimportant and not special. And the fact that he just didn't want to spend time with me...it's unimaginable. We barely saw each other to begin with, and I was the farthest thing from a needy girlfriend: I was the one who suffered, always waiting for him to initiate getting together so I knew he actually wanted to while there I was, sitting in an empty apartment with all my roommates home for the weekend, just wanting to see my boyfriend after a long, tiring week of school, and many other times, while he always got what he wanted the entire relationship, hanging out with whoever he wanted whenever he wanted.

 

So, basically he was in control the whole relationship, and I'm honestly not even interested in being around him anymore, I'm so angry for how he made me feel, and really the only reason I'm upset he broke up with me is because I should've broken up with him first, realizing a while ago that I deserved someone way better, someone who actually told me they missed me and couldn't wait to see me.

 

But now I'm in the dilemma of really wanting to hit him where it hurts and just throw it in his face how much he hurt me. But I want to be the better person. So I'm just wondering how I should go about sending the message that I'm mad at him without being uncivil or rude. We've hung out once, me helping him with his homework, since the breakup and had a great time all happy and everything and text occasionally, talk and smile in laugh in class, so I don't just want to immediately transition to giving him the cold shoulder. But I want him to know he did something wrong, and finally not get what he wants, at least when it comes to me. Because now he's off with all his friends, still never interested in getting in contact with me (which is what I chose to happen post breakup and was dealing fine with it) and has so many others to keep him busy and have fun with, and I kind of just want to make it known that he lost a great thing and make him realize he can't always get his way.

 

So, if that made any sense to anyone...any suggestions would be really nice. Or if I'm being completely ridiculous, say so, that would be helpful too.

[FrenchFries]

Don't send a message, just let it go.

[Deejmonster]

By interrupting the NC phase with: calls, texts, and letters/emails you are voiding the fact that you care about the other persons feelings. Doing stuff like this makes sense at the time, but later on you are going to kick yourself for sending something. You see, when we are in a break up and we are on the receiving end, we feel like the victim... that may be true.. and so we feel the need to tell the other half on how this is bad for us and how we are dramatically changed by this situation. We never take into consideration the other participants feelings, mental state, and well being. We agreed to love this person, and love lasts longer than most relationships. Its more than about being the other half.. its about respect, integrity, and support. When we want to reach out to the other person and show them how we are hurt, we ignore the fact that they too are in a vulnerable state and the fact that they are hurt. We breach the code of love by pushing our emotions on them and showing them that our emotions and our ability to heal are some how its more important than theirs. It makes us look bad, it stains our reputation, and it damages your character. Its something that will follow you. Just dont do it. Just let go.

[loveblindxo]

Don't at all.