Dropping Facebook can work wonders

[Mistykitty]

Hi all, I figured it's about time to share my positive story on here after only posting about the negatives of my breakup. I notice many people saying they keep tabs on their ex's online life, and its preventing them from getting over them. Well, here's my story and how it helped in many more ways...

 

I was addicted to Facebook. I didn't know it at the time; I thought I was just being a normal teenager. I always had it open whenever I was on the computer (aka ALL DAY, as I'm majoring in graphic design). Even if I wasn't chatting to anyone, playing a game, or doing anything "important" on there, it was open. My (now-ex) boyfriend always said things like "wow, on Facebook again?" but I always brushed it off as a joke.

 

I was in tons of groups, and where there's a lot of immature teenagers in one place, there's bound to be drama. I started getting in arguments and started receiving hatemail. One of the worst feelings is knowing that someone you used to talk to a lot has blocked you. It got to the point where I couldn't see half the posts in groups I was in because they had blocked me, or vice versa. The hate carried over to tumblr, where its even easier for people to be mean since you can send things anonymously.

 

I also had a terrible habit of using these two sites for attention. I've always hated people who did that, but looking back on it...that's exactly what I did. I didn't just cut myself, I had to make a post about it. When I was feeling suicidal, you can bet that all my Facebook friends knew. Even though I hardly ever got the attention I was desiring from these posts, I continued doing it.

 

That really put a strain on the relationship with my ex. He hated that I was always on these sites and indirectly complaining about him. It got so bad that people had started to send him hate mail, too. I always blamed it on my so-called "friends", but now realize it was my fault for posting those things. Posting personal things online pretty much opens the door to third-party interaction.

 

----

 

Fast forward to post-breakup. Without him in my life anymore, I had time to think. And I realized just how dependent on Facebook I had become...the temptation to write a depressing status was overwhelming. I just wanted some comforting words without directly asking for them. This, paired with "friends" who only care when someone changes their relationship status (I absolutely HATE fake friends like this), made me realize I'd be better without these sites altogether. I was completely sick and tired of hearing "you'll find someone better!" and "what happened?" when all I wanted to do was be alone. "I don't want to talk about it" means I don't want to talk about it, something that these suddenly "caring" friends didn't understand.

 

So, with a final status of "leaving Facebook, might be back sometime", I deactivated.

 

And I've never felt better. I don't have to wade through 20 notifications every time I get home from work. I don't have to feel compelled to talk to everyone, or waste time taking profile pictures. And, of course, I don't have to see what my ex is up to...and there's no way he can see what I'm up to. I deleted my tumblr as well, and blocked his blog from my browser. It makes NC a whole lot easier, not to mention the freedom I feel.

 

Looking back, I noticed it was a viscous cycle...if I was upset, I would post about it, which ultimately made me more upset. Now, if I'm upset, I simply have to get through it myself--which is an easy task, I'm finding. I don't have an outlet that allows me to wallow in self-pity, so I can bounce back really quickly. Plus, I don't have people constantly reminding me of things I'm trying to forget about.

 

I am now able to dedicate my time to positive online places, communities that just bring me up and allow me to have a good, stress-free time. I thought I'd miss Facebook but I honestly don't; I really don't even think about it anymore. (I do miss the games though, hehe) And my real friends know where else to contact me.

 

So there you have it. I urge you guys to drop Facebook, if not for an extended time like me, then just for a couple days. Regardless of who you're friends with, the sudden relationship status change tends to bring about tons of questions and an overall gloomy atmosphere. Its a huge weight off your shoulders

[Lonewing]

There are a ton of people who believe the technology is the issue.

 

However, I believe the technology only brings many people closer much quicker, thus, the issues are brought to the surface much faster.

 

The issues still exist even after you leave Facebook.

 

This is because the root problem is one of personal responsibility and another entirely of learning how to manage your personal reaction/interaction to stimuli.

 

You had all of these problems before Facebook, you've simply had facebook come along and expose them at their core. When you best these personal issues, Facebook will become your personal Rolledex, and nothing more - perhaps a bit for news, something interesting, but otherwise, the drama drops right out. The profile picture,s you set it and forget it. Talking to your friends? You may leave a status update or a response here and there, but the interaction drops down.

 

I did delete my Ex - and that's because I have absolutely no desire to be anything to her except Gone. It certainly helps not looking at her profile, especially in the early months. Now, well, it's something I could do, but I choose not to.

 

My real friends are on facebook, and so too are my aquaintances, but that is how it all goes.

[Mistykitty]

Well, I am certainly not one of those people who blames technology for problems. My parents are like that, and I hate it, haha

I'm just suggesting that Facebook can really put a damper on trying to move on. Even if you're strong enough to not check up on your ex, there's still bound to be people who keep bringing the subject up.

Plus, it didn't help that there was SO much hate coming from there. That has nothing to do with how I handle things =P

[Lonewing]

It helps when you're older because this hate is not so widely broadcast. People learn to be mature and discrete.

 

Taking breaks is useful. Deleting...eh. That's like crash dieting, it never works. You'll go back, but hopefully you won't be so reactive about it.

[Mistykitty]

yeah, I'll probably end up coming back...most likely not for myself, but because of the business/networking opportunities

In the meantime, I am enjoying this

[allsfairinlove]

I was also addicted to facebook for about 4 years. Used to contribute to my unhappiness, constantly comparing myself to others, arguing, debating, wasting my time on there and being so unproductive.

 

I havent been on there in 6 months and my self esteem has not only dramatically improved, I am a LOT happier, earning twice as much as I was before and spending my time studying for an extra professional qualification.

 

I have also started a small business and I am seeing it grow before my very eyes.

 

There was a study conducted sometime ago that showed the causal relationship between social media and depression. They still cant determine if excessive internet use caused depression or if depression resulted in excessive internet use. Get rid is all I can say.

[dasilver]

I was a Facebook addict myself....I joined quite a few groups where i can't lie, i did meet some nice people on, people who have since become very dear to me.

 

I deactivated mine for 2 months and it felt great.

 

I'm since back on it but not as much as before.

[camus154]

I don't quite agree that technology is not the problem at all.

 

Yes, the core psychological issues may be the same regardless of the technology, but the "outbreak" of such issues is largely dependent on the technology that serves as a catalyst to exacerbate them. We're in uncharted territory here because we've never had such instant access to our "social lives" or to each other in so many ways. To compound this issue further, we now have a generation of kids who have grown up with this technology, who don't know of a time where they couldn't have their finger on the pulse of what everyone in the world is doing at any given moment. Again, uncharted territory.

 

That's not to say the technology is evil. But like anything, it carries with it some risks and negative side effects that we've never really had to face before.

[happpybear]

i deleted mine back in 2007, and was very happy to do it!

 

I get what you mean by the obsession. I was too, checked it constantly, found old friends and because the lived in different countries we kept in touch that way, we had some reunions. I was good for a time. But then it got weird, my friends got weird, i watched my friends get really self-absorbed, always taking there cameras wherever we went, so they would have pics to post on FB, i got tired of it all. And tired of the obligation, it seemed that no one would call me anymore to hang out, it was all requested through facebook, which meant i HAD to check in all the time to acknowledge invites. I just got tired, and then i deleted.

 

I noticed the quiet immediately, and what i noticed the most and what was most surprising, was that some of my good good friends, didn't even notice i had left at all, for several weeks!!! It just showed me how little people really look at other peoples profiles, I really think that most people are just obsessed with their own profiles, and don't really notice other peoples news unless it pops up in the news feed, especially if you have 500 friends.

 

Anyway, I have never looked back, and will never make another account, the people who matter to me in my life have my address and phone number and email address. That is plenty.

[Allyo]

I completely agree - quitting facebook can do wonders! After a (somewhat) recent job-change/break-up I quit facebook. I was at a transition period in my life, and I somehow felt like I had to break ties with all these old relationships and people that I really only kept in contact with through facebook. It was like a weight lifted off of my shoulders! I no longer felt like I was wasting time looking at facebook... no longer comparing myself to other people and other couples. And as much resolve as you have it is so remarkably easy to just type in your ex's name and take a peak...

 

I mean really there is nothing natural about social media and facebook - it is information overload. Constantly being in contact and receiving status updates and all that... I mean having a peak into your hundred best friends' daily lives and tweets... I'm sorry but it just ain't normal! That feeling of always being connected can be overwhelming, maybe especially for sensitive people like myself.

 

But now that I don't have facebook everyone seems to think it is super strange... they look at me and say, "But even my grandma has facebook!!" So I figure one day I would open it more for networking purposes and be very careful about what I post and what pictures I put up. No more flaunting my significant other on facebook, that is for sure.

 

And it is so true what the poster above me said - most people are so obsessed with their own profile and how they appear that they probably spend little time actually looking at yours!

[llw11]

Haha, if you want to be disconnected from the rest of the world, you quit facebook. Do people even use regular email anymore? Phone??

[camus154]

Haha, if you want to be disconnected from the rest of the world, you quit facebook. Do people even use regular email anymore? Phone??

 

They sure do! These are the types of people who aren't burying their faces in their phones while driving--somehow they have the remarkable ability of being able to go 20 or even 30 minutes without being "connected" to the rest of the world

[Mistykitty]

well I was never the type to be on my phone 24/7, anyways =P

 

I WISH people still used email

[happpybear]

you know what is scary? i was in a doctors office a week ago, and there were 11 people (including me) waiting in the waiting room. 8 of those people were absorbed in their phones. Probably looking at FB. the other 2 were really old, probably still use touch tone phones, haha. And then me, I was watching the phone-people waiting for one of them to look up and make eye contact with another human being....and they didn't

[Guitarguy_82]

Great observation. Facebook is definitely information overload. Twitter isn't any better either. It's rapid fire insanity. Sometimes I can't help but think of the movie Idiocracy and how we as a society are slowly inching towards that. Yes, that is somewhat of an exaggeration, but look at Facebook and its many games and other virtual environments where people just get lost for hours and hours....for what purpose? I suppose you could say the same of all "games" though...

 

I have Facebook, but I'm rarely on it. I couldn't tell you the last time I actually updated something on there. I might hop on once a week at max just to see any interesting updates from my family or close friends. Nine times out of ten though I'd rather just call them up and have a quick chat.

 

But in the end, Facebook is what you want it to be. It is just a website. It just so happens that most of the time people use it to show off what they want other people to think of themselves. I mean, what's not to like about a quick and easy ego boost when all you have to do is post some mind-numbing status update and have your hundreds of "friends" all like and comment on it, right? *eyeroll*