Ex Girlfriend Troubles - Help!!

[nick_23]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm in what feels like the worst situation ever so I'll start from the beginning!

 

My ex girlfriend and I started seeing eachother at University, I was 21 and she was 19. It was perfect, the happiest we had both ever been and it lasted, through ups and downs for nearly 3 years. After finishing at uni, I left to join the Military in May last year. She also was expecting to join the Mil in August and did. Thats when it got hard, or at least in my mind! I couldn't cope with never seeing her and I think it probably came down to trust and, although I never stopped loving her, I broke up with her in August because I thought it would be for the best! The day after I went away for 3 weeks and couln't contact her to tell her how wrong I was and that I needed her. When I did get back I called and I think she was still very upset and hurt but hadn't had time to think about it as she had been so busy and hectic at work.

 

I have kept trying to tell her and in the 3 or 4 times that we have met up, we have either kissed or had one of those amazing moments. In January she said that she could give it another go but we still lived apart so it was hard and she started seeing someone else (Only for 3 weeks or so then she split with him). She keeps saying now that she just wants to be friends and nothing more, which I can't do knowing how I feel about her.

 

About a month back, despite all she had said, I invited her down to a ball at my base, she came and we ended up in bed together. Despite all she had said. She then says that even if she felt something that night, she convinced herself it wasn't the same and wants nothing more. She wants to remember it as just being a good night! I feel hurt now that she did that, we both knew what we were doing. I said a lot of things after that I regret. Childish!

 

I am so confused as every now and again her armour gets broken down and something happens between us. It feels like she has just closed down and although she thinks she is happy on her own, I know her too well to believe that. I know that she finds it hard to forgive and trust me to this day.

 

Now, after so long apart and so much between us, I found out that we are based at the same place for 6 weeks. Starting next week. We haven't really spoke about it as she ignored me for what I said after my ball. Last night though she sent me a text on my phone saying 'can we just have fun without any of the other stuff!?, like 2 good mates'?... I know I will have to as there is no way out of it but it will kill me every day. I get pains when I'm in the same room as her because I can't get over her. I just keep thinking that if I hadn't had a moment of complete stupidity then we would be together. How do I get through this time together!!? I still love her!! Help!

 

There we go! Bit of an epic but I really am stuck... Please save the 'what a loser for letting her go' replies though! I KNOW!!!!!

[Sagaimzy]

I think that you should respect what she says, if she truly thinks that you guys are meant to be friends then so be it. there is someone out there for you who won't make you this upset, and who will love you as much as you love them. Don't push something that isn' there

[polarbear21]

Okay Nick I hope this will help you decide,

 

I think you shouldn't go see her because obviously you have strong feelings and don't want "fun without any of the other stuff". It sounds to me from your story that she did/does care about you, but just as you feel that pain at being away from her, she does too. You are both in the military and hence will be away from each other for very long times, and it will probably not be possible to have a relationship of any value while you still are in the military. Sorry to say it but you need to hear that. She may have come to that conclusion too, and doesn't want to hurt herself and you anymore. Only at the same place for 6 weeks? That is not very long. Think how much more that will hurt if you get together and start going out, just to have it ripped away from you. What is this moment of stupidity you speak of? I haven't seen it, you were both in love but your desires of careers took you both somewhere where relationships are very hard. I have had a long distance relationship and they are horrible. This would have continued unless you both married. I think you did the right thing by breaking it off way back. It did hurt, and will continue to hurt but you need to move through it. It would not have been any better if you kept going out. Would it have been any different if you were still going out but never saw each other? not really. If you both still want to be in the military for a while I don't think a relationship between both of you will be possible. So after my long winded speel I say this. Don't go see her, it will only hurt you more. Tell her why you can't and be honest. I hope this has help you through. Good luck Nick in a tough spot man.