julian19 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Today, i was stupid to looked up to my ex on facebook and saw something really painful. A picture of her holding hands with someone else. It hurts so much. I know that looking at her page will just cause me this pain but i just cant seems to stop. How can i over come this? This is one of the reason why i cant move on after a year! I do not have enought mind strength to divert myself. I am so weak. Link to comment
markie6 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Julian, I seriously think it's time to really seek help , professional help , this obsessive behaviour isn't going to go away on its own. First you have to admit you have a problem, to yourself ,only then is anyting Going to change. Today, i was stupid to looked up to my ex on facebook and saw something really painful. A picture of her holding hands with someone else. It hurts so much. I know that looking at her page will just cause me this pain but i just cant seems to stop. How can i over come this? This is one of the reason why i cant move on after a year! I do not have enought mind strength to divert myself. I am so weak. Link to comment
julian19 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 Julian, I seriously think it's time to really seek help , professional help , this obsessive behaviour isn't going to go away on its own. First you have to admit you have a problem, to yourself ,only then is anyting Going to change. I know markie! I know that i have a problem within me! I dont wanna feel like this anymore! I miss my old life before i met her. I just want all these feelings to be gone and i want to be normal again! Oh my god its really hard. Im only 19 and i dont want to feel like this. I want to enjoy my life because she is doing so. I know maybe im already a phsycopath or what and i dont like it. My situation is harder because im in a different country and im alone here. No friends no family no one to talk to. Stuck in a job that i hate but ive got no choice because i need money to go back home. I feel so alone and miserable. I already reach the point wherein i already want to kill myself. I dont like this. Im stuck in hell. This depression is eating me alive. Ahhh. I cant stop crying...... Link to comment
markie6 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I have read enough of your posts and your story to realise you're not in a happy place, so try and get some help, becuase you do need to admit it to yourself, I am having therapy, there is no shame in it at all. Please try and get yourself back... Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Julian I am so sorry .. I can't add to the advice markie has given you as he said it all ..just wanted to give you a hug and say to you that the darkness will pass one day , you just need help darling . I have bi polar , so I see a doctor and a therapist as well ....your not alone darling xxx Link to comment
julian19 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 I have read enough of your posts and your story to realise you're not in a happy place, so try and get some help, becuase you do need to admit it to yourself, I am having therapy, there is no shame in it at all. Please try and get yourself back... I cant have a therapy here because im in a country with a different language, most people here dont speak english and that language barrier is whats making me feel so alone. I cant even make friends here. I am really in a bad situation and i know that i need to do something to help myself but i just couldnt. I feel so stuck. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 there is a lad called mes on here and he is in the same boat ..polish working in china and he faced all this as well. you certainly have it stacked against you in that way , just as he did . are you saving what you can to get back to your homeland ? can you reach out to the embassy at all to ask for help ..I know that sounds a bit far fetched , but who knows hey . Link to comment
julian19 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 there is a lad called mes on here and he is in the same boat ..polish working in china and he faced all this as well. you certainly have it stacked against you in that way , just as he did . are you saving what you can to get back to your homeland ? can yuo reach out to the embassy at all to ask for help ..I know that sounds a bit far fetched , but who knows hey . Im saving and this is going to be my last month here. I still have to endure 1 more month and im scared. I just pity myself so much. I dont know. I feel like why are all these things happening to me? Im really hoping that when i get back home, everything is going to be ok. I hope that i an stop myself from looking up on her facebook cause its whats dragging me down. I know u have an obssession and i know i need to do something about it. I hate myself so much. Link to comment
amipushy Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Don't hate yourself because your heart is aching and reaching out in her direction. But DO start to think with your head. What you are doing is a just a painful HABIT after all this time. The more you become distressed that you can't stop, the more distressed you will become and end up in a vicious circle of distress. So dont crucify yourself for not being able to stop in a few days, weeks, it IS a habit afterall. And it IS a habit that in time you can and will break. Start looking to the future, making plans of what you will do when you get home, look at photos of your homeland, yoru home town, join a dating site and look at the women on there who are single and available in your own country (even if you dont feel ready), make contact with old friends on facebook etc. When you have more going on in your life and give yourself something to look forward to you will lose the habit, your mind and emotions will calm down and she will matter less and less as time goes by, and you will be happy again. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 well that is fab that you only have one more month to endure .. you have to view this as the start of your new life .. as for why do things keep happening to you ..... well I believe they happen because we have to learn from them , that the universe delivers this to us to learn , to move on and be whatever it is that we will be. Of course we have a say in all this ..we have events take place that we have no control over , but our part , our learning , our control of this is how we deal with it . for example ... I havent told my story here , but , my split was caused by another person , his actions almost drove my poor ex to suicide 3 days before christmas last year , and I will never ever be the same person again . so I want to get on a coach to this mans house and get my pound of flesh ..no one would blame me ..if I told you why , you wouldnt blame me , but I know I would carry on and on until I got locked up , then possibly prison , the ripple effect of that is my little girl would be taken from me and placed in care ..I would be sat in a cell and not one aspect of my split with my ex would have changed ...he still walked away ..except now ..I have a cell door and no life and my girl is sat wondering why the hell her mummy didnt love her enough to fight for sanity. or I knuckle down and accept that for whatever reason this did happen and I have to put 100% into accepting this and peacefully moving on and appreciating the life I have . its my choice its your choice Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I'm so sorry for what your going though When your life is in a bad place it makes these feelings way worse. After my break up I had a lot going on, lots of distractions, I was able to go out and take my mind off of it for a while. I felt like I made a ton of progress. Then my life spiraled in a bad direction and all the progress I made pretty much vanished. I was in a worse place then I was emotionally then even in the beginning of the break up- and it was 6 months or so down the line. So emotional stress, loneliness, all of that can make it SO much worse, it makes you miss them more then you would normally. Honestly Facebook is the DEVIL. I detest it and finally have taken myself off it it. I know you're feeling alone now, and probably used facebook as a way to stay in touch with friends and family, but honestly if you can- even for a little while maybe deactivate it. The temptation to internet stalk is rough. At least block her on facebook. Smartest thing I did in my break up was block him for the first almost year. I never unblocked him because the temptation of looking at him- which trust me was there, sometimes I would sit there and debate whether I wanted to unblock him for hours...just so i could spy a glance of him....but the temptation was WAY overshadowed by thoughts of seeing something that would make me ill and make me cry. After a while your brain gets used to it, but you HAVE to cut them out totally- including internet stalking. Block her- NOW. You're going through a rough time, a break up compounded by your living situation just makes it SO much worse. Just hang on. Sending you big hugs! Link to comment
John3572 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 This should go without saying but don't look her up on Facebook. Everytime you do that you are rewinding your progress. Link to comment
GrowingUp85 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Julian, I seriously think it's time to really seek help , professional help , this obsessive behaviour isn't going to go away on its own. First you have to admit you have a problem, to yourself ,only then is anyting Going to change. If you find it hard to find a therapist, I'd recommend Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much to Let Go by Dr. Susan Forward. Link to comment
julian19 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 YES! This is exactly what im trying to say. That it is much more harder to deal with a broken heart when ur life's situation is in its worst condition. I know like evrything in my life right now seems to be falling apart, and that is definitely one reason why i am missing my ex much more. It is so hard. But i know that once i start to get my life into a different direction ( which is a postive on ) then i guess it will be easier for me to get through all these unnecessary emotions. With facebook thing, yeah, this is the social life that i have right now because i dont have any circle of friends in this country. It is such a lonely and miserable feeling to be broken hearted and alone with no family and friends at all. This is the toughest situation that ive ever been through. I know, once i surpass all of this, i will come out as a stronger person. I just really need to be strong even though im alone. Link to comment
calichick007 Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Why can't you block her? One click, problem solved. Link to comment
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