Have you had your feelings hurt by someone on this site?

[cadmiumblue]

Someone who tries to give advice, but only succeeds in being mean to you. I recently experienced this and it really made me feel awful.

 

Has anyone experienced something similar?

[pl3asehelp]

Someone who tries to give advice, but only succeeds in being mean to you. I recently experienced this and it really made me feel awful.

 

Has anyone experienced something similar?

 

Daily, except I let it roll off my back and move on. Life is too short to let other people's opinions bother you.

[Seraphim]

Yes, all the time.

 

The thing is the people who just out to cause trouble and hurt people are quickly indentified and they get rid of them.

 

Sometimes people are trying to help but they do not say it in a way we want to receive it or are open to receiving it.

 

I am sure everyone here has been hurt or offended by someone else on here. It does not make it a non friendly site though. You have have to let it go and go on with your day.

[ToF]

Try not to take it personally, OP. I've received hurtful posts, and I'm sure I've posted my fair share of things that have hurt others. I get my feelings hurt all the time, but that's because I have a tendency to take things personally when I shouldn't. It sucks, but it's something I work at every day.

 

If you truly feel awful, take a moment to consider why a post from a random person on the internet had such an impact on you. Look at it in the scope of your entire life, and decide whether it's really that important.

[cadmiumblue]

Well, it started as someone trying to give advice, and when I stated why it wouldn't work, the person quickly turned hostile. It was just shocking because it just felt so out of nowhere.

 

I don't really have much of a life outside the internet, that may be why it feels worse than it should.

[Moontiger]

I think we all have. The key to dealing with it (to me at least) is to look past what might have been hurtful to what the person is really saying. And try to take that in and see of they have a point.

[Seraphim]

Try not to take it personally, OP. I've received hurtful posts, and I'm sure I've posted my fair share of things that have hurt others. I get my feelings hurt all the time, but that's because I have a tendency to take things personally when I shouldn't. It sucks, but it's something I work at every day.

 

If you truly feel awful, take a moment to consider why a post from a random person on the internet had such an impact on you. Look at it in the scope of your entire life, and decide whether it's really that important.

 

Yup. I used to get all bent out of shape. And now I do not care. I look at it this way. They have an opinion and I have an opinion, they are both just opinions, only mine matters most to me and theirs matters most to them. *shrug*. It does not make either person wrong.

[pl3asehelp]

Well, it started as someone trying to give advice, and when I stated why it wouldn't work, the person quickly turned hostile. It was just shocking because it just felt so out of nowhere.

 

I don't really have much of a life outside the internet, that may be why it feels worse than it should.

 

Hostile is subjective and in this context up to the mods to decide. They delete posts and sanction members every day, so rest assured they're doing their job.

[Seraphim]

Well, it started as someone trying to give advice, and when I stated why it wouldn't work, the person quickly turned hostile. It was just shocking because it just felt so out of nowhere.

 

I don't really have much of a life outside the internet, that may be why it feels worse than it should.

 

Just remember it is hard to determine the person's intent in text. You can not hear inflection or see body language or anything else and things get taken the wrong way.

[ToF]

Sounds like you've identified the real problem, here, OP. People are always, always, always going to insult/shock/hurt/offend other people online. It's like real life ... but easier because you're "anonymous". But you internalized that negativity because you, admittedly, do not really have a life outside of the internet. Maybe it's time to fix that?

[Godless_Heathen]

Someone who tries to give advice, but only succeeds in being mean to you. I recently experienced this and it really made me feel awful.

Yes. I also see it a lot here with other people's threads. There are good people here, but I've seen boards with a much nicer community. If those more pleasant boards were advice boards, I wouldn't come here, but they aren't.

 

I'm sensitive enough to nasty responses that I haven't posted a thread of my own in some time, though I have things on my mind. Sometimes I see threads by other people with issues that parallel mine, and that helps.

 

RE: Just shrugging it off, as others have mentioned in this thread, that's harder than it sounds. If you're posting here, you're already upset about something. It's like visiting a therapist and having them attack you, you wouldn't be there if you weren't already vulnerable.

[Godless_Heathen]

Hostile is subjective and in this context up to the mods to decide. They delete posts and sanction members every day, so rest assured they're doing their job.

There are a lot of posts that are hurtful that don't get deleted. Yes, the moderators here are fairly active, but there are a lot of posts that fall outside their guidelines which are none the less painful. If it's not an obvious ad-hominem or direct insult, they'll leave it alone. Which is understandable, but "the board is moderated" does not mean the issue does not exist.

[ToF]

RE: Just shrugging it off, as others have mentioned in this thread, that's harder than it sounds. If you're posting here, you're already upset about something. It's like visiting a therapist and having them attack you, you wouldn't be there if you weren't already vulnerable.

 

This is a very good point. Personally, I didn't mean to insinuate that shrugging off hurtful responses is easy to do. It really isn't -- trust me, I know. But it is possible.

[Seraphim]

This is a very good point. Personally, I didn't mean to insinuate that shrugging off hurtful responses is easy to do. It really isn't -- trust me, I know. But it is possible.

 

I agree it is not easy but that does not mean we should not try.

 

If the mods had to moderate every situation that could even mildly offend someone there would be no forum because no one would ever be able to speak.

[cadmiumblue]

Well, other people aren't helping much with fixing it.

 

But I should mention this happened in private messages.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

People often post very passive aggressive attacks on someone..so they think they are being clever by disguising it but the intention is obvious. Don't take it to heart..take it from whom it comes.

[WitheringHeart]

i have someone called me a psychopath

[cadmiumblue]

RE: Just shrugging it off, as others have mentioned in this thread, that's harder than it sounds. If you're posting here, you're already upset about something. It's like visiting a therapist and having them attack you, you wouldn't be there if you weren't already vulnerable.

 

Seriously! This was someone trying to talk to me about the fact that I have no friends and no SO. I'm already upset and this person was calling me dumb. It's horrific.

[Seraphim]

Well, other people aren't helping much with fixing it.

 

But I should mention this happened in private messages.

 

If it was private message then forward it to a mod or the admin. I have done this a few times because people have attacked me via the PM system.

[cadmiumblue]

Oh, scuse me...someone trying to talk to me about my ex best leaving me. I'm already upset thinking about her leaving me and this person comes along and just calls me stupid, among other things.

[Seraphim]

If it is via PM just forward the PMs to a mod or the Admin. It will get sorted out.

[Seraphim]

You can also shut your PM's off so no one but the mods or the admin can PM you.

[pl3asehelp]

There are a lot of posts that are hurtful that don't get deleted. Yes, the moderators here are fairly active, but there are a lot of posts that fall outside their guidelines which are none the less painful. If it's not an obvious ad-hominem or direct insult, they'll leave it alone. Which is understandable, but "the board is moderated" does not mean the issue does not exist.

 

I didn't say there aren't posts here that don't get deleted that may be painful to someone, I said I don't see anything I would consider hostile being left by the mods. I consider hostile a few degrees more serious than painful. My point is that what OP considered hostile is subjective and if the mods agreed with her that it was hostile, they would have deleted it. Since they didn't, I'd say it was a problem of her perception - she perceived it as hostile, though the mods didn't agree.

[ToF]

I think it should be pointed out that we are all choosing to post our personal stories online for anyone to see. Being hurt further by someone's comment is a risk you take. Now, that doesn't make it hurt any worse when it does happen ... but that's something to think about before submitting a new thread.

[agent1607307371]

hi Cadmiumblue, if you have someone post or pm a message to you that you consider hurtful please forward it to the mods. You can do this by hitting the triangle icon on the left side of posts. If that person isn't breaking the rules but still causing you problems if you go to that persons profile you can add them to your ignore list and posts they make will not be visible to you.