Don't want to be a virgin for the rest of my life. : (

[cadmiumblue]

Why does it seem like it's so easy for everyone else? Everyone else dates, kisses, has sex, relationships. Why am I denied all of this? It's just so unfair.

 

All those years I can never get back, all spent being a virgin. For nothing. Not for religion, or morality, just because I couldn't get laid. Years spent in love with someone with whom there was no chance.

 

I just feel so depressed. It would be so easy for me to just be a virgin for the rest of my life, so hard to actually lose my virginity like a normal person. I can't even have one kiss from another person. That's how much things suck. I just think about sex all the time, but I can never have it.

 

Women aren't interested, and the men I want are never interested, only creeps. Fine, I hardly ever get out. Other people are the same but they're still not virgins and never kissed anyone at 28.

 

Why does life have to be like this? This sucks. : (

[Clumsy Llama]

I was a virgin longer than most people and I felt the same way. All I could think about is sex and I seriously got panic attacks because I just hadn't done it yet. Once I started having sex, I stopped caring about how long I waited. Literally something that gave me so much anxiety just disappeared, making me realize that I was making a way bigger deal out of it than I should have.

 

What have you been doing to meet people?

[FathomFear]

I turn 33 in a few weeks and I've also never had dates/sex/relationships/etc. Having said that, I also don't mull over it 24/7. I keep focused on my career and generally bettering myself.

 

I would just take a step back and try to analyze why you're in this boat. Eg, what have you tried up into this point, why hasn't it worked, etc. You need to peel back the layers, analyze them, and come back with plans of attacking each issue separately.

[Moontiger]

I was a virgin longer then most, never kissed anyone till college, didn't have sex until I had dated a guy for two years and was about to turn 23. It so cliche but its true, what changed things for me was how I felt about myself. I was so shy in high school, I come off as "weird" to others and anytime a guy would try to talk to me (usually this was to make their girlfriends [friends of mine] happy not because they actually wanted to) I would just come off really awkward.

 

In college I suddenly found myself with a huge group of friends I felt comfortable with. I got involved in a lot of activities, and just stopped worrying about how I should act with guys because I had so many other things on my mind. That's when guys started to notice me.

 

There are way more people out there then you realize who are in the same boat as you. People in their 30, 40, even a woman in her 70s I heard about on the news who have not done the deed.

[cadmiumblue]

I guess I am kind of withdrawn and I do struggle with social anxiety...but so do many other people who still manage not to be in this situation. I'm kind of at a loss.

[Moontiger]

I guess I am kind of withdrawn and I do struggle with social anxiety...but so do many other people who still manage not to be in this situation. I'm kind of at a loss.

 

Everyone is different. Have you done anything about your anxiety? Therapy helped me a lot and I know people to take medication for it. My main advice would be to find something to do outside the house. A hobby you like, not only will you meet people but then when you are at social gatherings you have a ready made go-to subject to talk about.

[cadmiumblue]

Now that it's been so long, I feel that any experience I have will be terribly disappointing, because it's not likely to be with someone I'm in love with (the people I was in love with, there was no chance).

 

But that's not why I'm avoiding it. I could at least kiss someone. But I can't even do that.

[Moontiger]

Now that it's been so long, I feel that any experience I have will be terribly disappointing, because it's not likely to be with someone I'm in love with (the people I was in love with, there was no chance).

 

But that's not why I'm avoiding it. I could at least kiss someone. But I can't even do that.

 

I know its cheesy, but I'm a big believer in "if its meant to be it will happen". I also happen to believe that there are very few couples that are "meant to be". How long have your been in love with this person? Why do you say there is not chance? Perhaps getting out into the world and meeting new people will help you move on from them.

[Gordita]

i suffer from social anxiety and its very hard to meet new people. what worked for me in the past was to try online dating, taking care of my appearance, even if i was too shy, pretending to be confident. you can wait for it to happen if it is meant to be, but you can also put yourself out-there

[lukeb]

Is it really your virginity you are worried about or are you asking why you haven't found the right person yet? Everything in life can be put onto a scale or responsibility and control. The less control you have the less responsible you are for the things that happen to you. The more control you have the more responsible you are for the things that happen to you, or where you are in your life. This can apply to your career and social life or anything else. I honestly think you have far more control over a lot of things in your life than you believe. I think that you have far more control over obsessing over someone for 6 years you knew you never had a chance with. It is clear you think otherwise, that you think your emotions and feelings for this woman control you and where you are at in life, and probably still do. Thinking you have far less control over things can make life easier, because it takes less work to do something about it, but generally those people are unhappier in life.

[cadmiumblue]

Could you maybe NOT bring up my ex friend again? It's painful for me and it's not relevant to this discussion. My lack of dating is not related to her in any way. I've made platonic friends since she went away, so it has nothing to do with it.

[lukeb]

It is totally relevant, the fact that the subject is painful to you is directly related to the fact you are not interested in other people to begin with.

[cadmiumblue]

Oh my god.

 

I HAVE been interested in other people. I know that it's over with my ex friend. I'm asking about advice to be less shy and somehow act normal. I'm not interested in hearing about how you think I'm still hung up on someone. People date after a divorce, so if you're not calling those people out, don't call me out.

 

If you're going to talk about my ex friend again I'm going to just not respond because I can't deal with this right now. I don't want to dwell on my loss, can you not bring it up again? Thanks.

[greywolf]

I think lukeb made a valid point. How can you be available and open to other people when your heart is elsewhere? People do notice whether someone is emotionally available or not.

[cadmiumblue]

I can't really do much about what happened with my friend, and I can't change that it makes me sad. But I do have to move on. I can't change the past. I don't want to talk about my ex friend anymore. Okay? This is about NOW.

 

Anyway, that's not why, since I had problems with dating before my friend broke my heart. I had never dated anyone before I met her, and haven't dated anyone since she went away. It's not just "emotional unavailability."