Heartbreak and how to get her back

[a_ron3110]

My girlfriend of a little over one year has recently broken up with me. I should also mention that this was my first longterm relationship along with my first heartbreak. She wants space to be on her own, but i don't know really how to do that. She broke up with me almost a week ago and i have called her 5 times since then. I am not going to call her now for at least a week, and maybe wait until she calls me. She says that she was starting to feel less happy with me and the relationship and wanted some time to be on her own for a while. I realize now how much i had actually changed during the relationship and how she could be less happy with me. At one point we were totally in love, so open-mined and on what i call a "perfect love" moment. We could talk to eachother and not worry about what the other person would think about us, we were so happy. She begged me at that point to never change back, but slowly and surely i did just that. Hence the unhappiness started to set in with her. I learned also that i was taking her for granted more and more. I always thought that she would be there for me, so i didn't take the best steps in keeping the relationship a happy one. The problem is i understand that her space, i'm just worried that it will make her drift furthor away from me instead of bringing her back. She recently told me too that she hasn't really been single for more than three months in the past three years. She says that she thought she gave herself time to heal before she met me, but it really didn't seem that way now. I don't mean to call her all the times that i did, and i don't want to hurt my chances with her anymore, but i think it may be too late for that, call it a hunch. She said that she is getting annoyed a bit with me calling her so much, but she still tells me that she loves me when i say it to her. How long should i be waiting for her? How long should i wait to call her again, and what do i say in order to get her back. I need to show her that i have changed and i can make her happy again, but mine and her problem with that is how does she know that i won't go back again when i already broke that promise to her once? I really want to get her back because she is the love of my life, and i miss her so much. Any advice at all would be greatly be appreciated. I have told her all the things above and how i feel, along with the fact that i still love her, and i want her back so bad. Please help me.

[gersanos]

Hey-

 

I totally understand what you are going through right now. At this point, DO NOT contact her. No phone calls, no e-mail, no texts, NOTHING. She said she wants space - respect that. You are smothering her by contacting her, and by pressuring her, you are pushing her away. She knows where you stand. You have to control yourself. Pressure her by withdrawing from her.

 

I am in a similar position and see that I was doing something similar with my X. Although I wasn't calling her or contacting her after we broke up, I did all the things you mentioned before our break-up: I started to take her for granted, our relationship wasn't as fun and light, etc. I didn't do this for too long, but I started this, and it began to wear on her. In time I noticed that her behavior changed, yet failed to note that my behavior changed first. Then we started to talk about it a lot, and I now see that I was pressuring her to make a decision, and that caused her to want to be away from me.

 

There is little that you can do but be patient at this point. If and when you see her, just be your old self, you know, the one she fell for, and don't bring any of this heavy stuff up. Keep it light.

[pineapplegirl]

I don't envy the position you're in. I'm sure you feel pretty heart broken. I do envy her position though. The fact that you're willing to do anything to make this girl happy is admirable. But, you don't want to push her away by chsing after her too aggressively. I'm sorry to say that TIME is really the essense here.

[daredevil]

Yeah give her time, I also did the.. pleading, beggin and being ridicolous part.. and where did it get me? No where... we just talk as friends now, and before I changed my way of manner we did not even talk... give her time and space, and when she is ready or if she wants u back, then she will contact you...

[Michael2]

Ditto what everyone else said.

 

Fall off the face of the earth. The moment you realize you do NOT need her, is the moment you heal. Only until you are over them, will they come back.

[Christy7799]

I agree with the other posts. No contact is definitely the best thing to do now. Whenever you have a weak moment and feel like you have to talk to your ex then call up a good friend instead. I have recently been through the same thing. My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me 3 months ago and I was devestated. I have now gone to therapy, play a lot of tennis and spend a lot more time with my friends and family. I promise you that this will get easier, but it will take some time.

 

Give her some time to miss you and with some time and space she may realize that she gave up a good thing!