Telling my ex that my girlfriend and I are moving in togethe

[justme3924]

Hello all:

 

I am having some inner turmoil on how to tell my ex girlfriend that we are moving in together. My ex and I where together almost five years and separated a little over a year ago. We had a very close emotional relationship in which we struggled with bringing not only the best in each other but also the worst. There was no doubt that we loved each other very deeply but we just couldn't stop the disagreements. So after four and half years we said goodbye. It was very hard on both of us! We had tried so hard and both wanted it to work so very bad but eventually the emotional turmoil it was creating began to interfere with all aspects of our lives.

 

I was truly heart broken. It was one of those break-ups that lasted forever. We just couldn't say goodbye and the last six months of our relationship were spent preparing ourselves emotionally with what was inevitable going in the direction we were heading. Long story short I wanted to continue to try because it was worth it to me but she had had enough. I then gave up and started to find myself again. Soon after she met someone and dated him for a couple months. During the same period I met someone who I truly enjoyed being with. My ex and I continued to talk and attempt to be friends which we have been successful doing so. My new relationship started about the same time her short relationship was ending. She ended it because she said she time alone without someone in her life. She also would approach me with the proposition of getting back together. I would explain that I have a new relationship and I wanted to see where it would take me. Well this is where it has taken me! She has been alone since.

 

The Dilemma:

 

I loved my ex very much - she was my world like no other girl had ever been. I believe that I do still love her & I always will. But after all that we went through the emotional pain it caused me was deep. Even though I loved her so much I knew I needed to move on with my life in order to achieve the dreams I have. I miss her from time to time and we still can laugh like you wouldn't believe - she is a good person and has a good heart. But, I have found someone who I now love and even though it is a very different type of relationship then what I had with my ex I am happy. Do I know if I will marry my girlfriend? No I don't – could I see it in the future yes I do. But, I also know life has a funny way of making things the way they should be. Time will tell. Now that I am in my early 30's I don't want to date a person for 4 years to feel if it right to move forward. I prefer to find out by seeing if we are truly compatible in many ways and one of them is living together.

 

I don't know how to tell my ex. I know that she is going to take it very hard because we had always planned on living together but never had the confidence to get there. I also recently bought my parents house where my ex and I would spend many summer getting to know each other. Simply put it is going to be difficult for her and it making me wimp out in dealing with telling her. Even though we have stayed in touch for almost a year now and she knows I am in a relationship she never talks about it or asks about my girlfriend? Its just a topic that is not brought up. It's hard to truly love someone and have a space in your heart that wishes it would have worked out. I still don't want to hurt her – she means a lot to me and I always want the best for her. Any advice on how I am feeling and how to approach this would be appreciated.

 

Thanks

 

C

[tammygurl]

Okay first things first. You sound like you aren't sure who you want to be with. Secondly, you bought your parents house which you shared a lot of good times with your ex. You need to be true to your heart and decide who you REALLY want to be with. If you want to be with your ex, which it sounds like there is a small possibility, you need to break it off with the current girl. If you want to be with the current girl, be strong and give your ex the straight goods. I'm telling you, she'll respect you for it more if you give it to her straight. Don't be all wishy washy about it. If you truly want to move on with the girl you're with now, you owe it to everyone involved to get everyone on the same page. Believe me, you aren't doing any favours to anyone including yourself by kitty footin around.

[ForAnother]

Kind of funny to see this post. It is probably one of the first few that I have read with this kind of situation. I am a lot of pain right now, my ex just told me she is dating someone, which I had suspicion that she was. It feels bad, but great at the same time.

 

She and I just talked today for the 3rd time after our relationship ended (1 month ago). She is taking it a lot easier than I am. Well, she wants to try and be friends, and I feel like a jerk to try and not be her friend. But I simply can't.

 

She has just told me, and I am having a lot of trouble coping with it for some reason. The reason it feels good is because I don't have to think of her anymore, she has someone else to worry about her. And that feels awsome. But, I don't want to be left/lost.

 

Sorry I am going into my situation so much right now in your post. Let me try and help, umm like my ex just did to me, I think its best that way. She will have a hard time like I am... and she will probably do the same thing I am doing. Anger, sadness, realization, and then move on. I am working at it. And the best thing you could do is tell her. Straight up, tell her you don't want her to be upset.. and let her know that its hard to tell her.

 

Thats what I think i'd do if I were at the other end of it.

 

ForAnother

[justagirl20f]

Don't know what to say except that whether u like to admit it or not, this is one more situation that proves u really can't be friends with ur ex.

 

Sorry, but you are hurtig yourself and your ex, and unless your poor GF has no idea what's going on it's hurting her too (even if she hides it). My advice? It didn't work with your ex. Say goodbye, tell her good luck, and then never speak to her again. I mean, if you see her say hi, but don't try to see her or speak to her.

 

If you can't bring yourself to say goodbye to your ex, then tell your GF so she can say goodbye to you. You can't have your cake and eat it too. That's not fair to anyone.

 

Hmmm... Your GF does know how u still have it bad for ur ex, right? and she knows u still see her a lot and still have such a close relationship, right? If not, then ask yourself how you can truly say you love someone you're lying to constantly.

 

I don't want to be harsh, but in this situation I don't really feel for you as much as I feel for your GF.

[Leslii]

It is so obvious that you are not ready to live with someone new. You said you don't want to wait 4 years to see if it will work. But that is what you need to do. It has only been a year sinse your break-up. You are acting very needy and insecure. The more reason not to do this. If your break-up was so hard why are you not letting yourself heal??? Because you are in your 30's. If you do this you will be single in your 40's. I can hear the pain in your message for your ex. I believe you will try to convince yourself that this relationship is right. Don't be in denial it will haunt you later. Finding someone so soon after a long and serious realtionship doesn't sound very healthy.

As for telling your ex about your new plans, why do you feel the need to tell her. She is your ex, right? unless you have kids involved and you are truly over it is not anyones best interest to talking about your palns with your new girlfriend. It also sounds like you two are better off not being "friends". Being friends with your ex is overrated and usually stupid. There is no need unless there is a connection that you can't quite give up. Cut the cord!!! Move on with your new life. Good Luck