drahcir Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 This may sound strange, but I have seriously considered asking for an arranged marriage. I believe that you can learn to love almost anyone, and that love is something that is planned carefully by people who love us. Of course, its almost impossible for me to have an arranged marriage because my culture doesn't do that, but what do you think about an arranged marriage? Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 love is something that is planned carefully by people who love us. LOL - if I dated the men that my parents found 'appropriate' for me, I would be dating the most boring and painfully mediocre men that there are out there. If my parents chose a mate for me, they would set me up with a man who has money, a good job, financially stable with property, very responsible and wants like 5 kids, and who is really 'nice'. In other words, they would like to see me with a man who is probably the last man I would ever find attractive - sort of like a Protestant accountant with no sense of adventure and a low sex drive. No thanks! Not for me. I guess I am 'traditional' in the sense that I still like to pursue and be pursued. Having your marriage arranged would kill any little bit of mystery and destroy the challenge and excitement of the actual dating process. There is no way that I would want to be so sure of my future, I would get bored out of my mind and end up leaving the poor guy. There's a lot more to life than 'learning to love someone'. I understand that in many cultures, this is the norm, which is of course why I am so glad to be Canadian. And, I also don't believe that you can just 'learn' to love someone. Of course there can be a love and mutual respect, but there is absolutely no guarantee that you'll be really attracted to that person and that there be real chemistry. I believe that you cannot manufacture or force chemistry. It's either there, or it isn't. Simple as. Link to comment
Empathy Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 Well...I myself wouldn't appreciate being forced to marry someone that I barely knew, possibly didn't even know at all. It may be true (depending on the person I guess) that you can develop a love for anyone. But you also have to consider the chance that the person you are set up with may not have very many attributes you might consider loveable. Besides, you may be able to grow love for pretty much anyone, but it won't ever be the same as the love you could have for someone that YOU chose to begin with Link to comment
xbox_modding_freak Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 HELL NO trust me i know these things... its ripe in the indian culture... i think dont go for some1 unless u love em because if its arranged they're and ure parents meet up and there is ALOT of pressure on you to say yes although times are changing... unless you are indian and can't escape it don't do it.ive heard the new film bride and prejudice is showing this but dont watch it until i give it a thumbs up.. it may help you understand how alot of stuff works in our culture+its funny -My Thoughts -XmF Link to comment
minirose Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 I think the idea of arranged marriage is good but when u have the chance of choosing your own life partner then u could go for it coz believe me there are some places in this world where the liberty of choosing your own life partner is not given to the girl or guy.You shud consider urself lucky and make the right choice! Link to comment
xbox_modding_freak Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 I think the idea of arranged marriage is good but when u have the chance of choosing your own life partner then u could go for it coz believe me there are some places in this world where the liberty of choosing your own life partner is not given to the girl or guy.You shud consider urself lucky and make the right choice! you said it all minirose,i mean my parents would be soo pissed off if i had a white girfriend or even indian for that matter Link to comment
Mikhail_Scosyrev Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 There are plenty of wealthy handicapped overweight ladies, sitting out there desperately waiting for SOMEONE (something) to express interest in them.... I would like to see how you would be "learning to love" them... Link to comment
xbox_modding_freak Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 There are plenty of wealthy handicapped overweight ladies, sitting out there desperately waiting for SOMEONE (something) to express interest in them.... I would like to see how you would be "learning to love" them... *cough* i didn't quite understand that Link to comment
drahcir Posted October 15, 2004 Author Share Posted October 15, 2004 there is a relationship between being a Protestant and being an accountant and sex drive?? I don't think so.... "Protestant accountant with no sense of adventure and a low sex drive. No thanks! " ANyway, i appreciate all the responses. I do think it would be exciting and a good idea to marry someone you barely know, though it is probably more reasonable to have friends rather than family set someone up. Friends probably know you better.... would anyone here consider an arranged marriage set up by friends? Link to comment
xbox_modding_freak Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 there is a relationship between being a Protestant and being an accountant and sex drive?? I don't think so.... "Protestant accountant with no sense of adventure and a low sex drive. No thanks! " ANyway, i appreciate all the responses. I do think it would be exciting and a good idea to marry someone you barely know, though it is probably more reasonable to have friends rather than family set someone up. Friends probably know you better.... would anyone here consider an arranged marriage set up by friends? Date=Yes Marriage=No dude u don't quite understand the concept of arranged marriages do you... Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 there is a relationship between being a Protestant and being an accountant and sex drive?? I don't think so.... That is what is referred to as an example or an illustration of what I would consider what my parents would have in mind for me. There is obviously no relation between the three, but it is what I, personally, could see my parents having in store for me. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 Is it possible to grow to love a person yes. That doesnt mean that everyone could or is willing to do it. Just like Ocean Eyes pointed out she feels that her parents wouldnt pick the appropriate mate for her. If your parents were smart they would take into consideration things that you like so the match would be appropriate. I wouldnt have an arranged marriage, but thats coming from a person that doesnt want to get married. I believe that an arranged marriage could work and it could not, it depends on how well the parents matched up the two individuals and there would also have to be some kind of enforcement mechanism to keep the couple together. Link to comment
babygurl_0524 Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 yes, i think your totally right, i mean who knows the person you end up marrying will be "the one" or not but its a chance you have to take. Link to comment
chanceit Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 I guess you could say one advantage of an arranged marriage is it abdicates you of responsibility when things go wrong...it makes things easier for you. If you've choosen to get married to someone and you mess up - you only have yourself to blame.... nothing wrong with accountants though :silly: alot of people work in accounting and yes its a fairly boring job - but the money's good and thats why people do it! Link to comment
OceanEyes Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 nothing wrong with accountants though alot of people work in accounting and yes its a fairly boring job - but the money's good and thats why people do it! My dad is an accountant, which is why I said that, lol. I think fathers generally want their daughters to be with men like them, or feel more comfortable being able to relate to a son-in-law if he has similar attributes and values. I've seen what my dad does, and although it is a very good profession financially, I see nothing appealing about it on the excitement scale. I saw my father come home so many nights, exhausted and withdrawn. He retired 3 years ago and told me he's never been so happy. Link to comment
drahcir Posted October 16, 2004 Author Share Posted October 16, 2004 Accounting is boring for some, but very exciting for others (I do know people who love accounting) but anyway whats right for one person isn't necessary right for another!!!!!!!! (I am still learning this myself!!!) I still think though arranged marriage might be right for me.....LOL!!!!! Link to comment
Leslii Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 You are only 20, why so desperate at a young age? Do you NEED to be married.? You have the "anybody is better than nobody" syndrome. SAD!!!! You could learn to love someone,if you talked yourself into it. But I guarantee that it is alot easier to hate someone than to love someone. You asked for thoughts on it..... it is gross, disgusting and inhumane. I also see it as emotionally abusive and controlling. YUCK!!!!! Link to comment
drahcir Posted November 2, 2004 Author Share Posted November 2, 2004 Leslii, you are welcome to express your opinion, and thats what i asked for. I want to hear everyone's opinion on arranged marriage, including opinions i may not agree with. Thank you for sharing. Link to comment
peanut15 Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 I'm not one to go for an arranged marriage however one of my interns at work (back then) did have one and they are hopelessly in love with each other and have been married now for over 2 years. They also just had their first child earlier this year and are doing great!!!! It was in his culture to have an arranged marriage and he told me that they take it seriously and really try to find the right person for him. Before he makes a decision, he met her first so its not like he was forced as well. Link to comment
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