How can you tell they said something important?

[Reminiscence]

The other night I was hanging with this guy I've been seeing. We talked about a lot of different stuff that night and I remember most of it. The next day we were talking and he said that I didn't listen to what he said yesterday. He said it was kinda upsetting that I didn't remember and it was important. I apologized to him and told him that I couldn't tell if it was important. I asked him if it was about this one problem he was having and he didn't say if it was or wasn't. Then I asked him what it was but he said if it wasn't important then it's not important now.

I feel really guilty. I remember most of the stuff we talked about but just don't ask me to recall things word by word. It's not that I wasn't listening and don't remember anything but I just couldn't tell it was important or which topic we talked about was important. We just jumped from topic to topic...if something was important then that wouldn't be the case right? I mean if I didn't care about him I wouldn't bother remembering anything about that night. But how are you supposed to tell if something is important if the conversation changes so fast?

How do I deal with this situation? I want to know what he wants me to remember but if he won't tell me...what do i do?

[lonelyandblue]

He sounds like a game player and I wouldn't mess with him. He should be straight up with you. How long have you been seeing this guy?

[DN]

Is this a one-off or has he or other people criticised your listening skills in the past?

[sara-pezzini]

tell him if you knew there would be a quiz the next day you would have taken notes and then ask him if he remembers every single thing you said that night.....it sounds weird to me.....like he somehow made up a test and you failed....sounds like some sort of excuse

[chickydoodle]

Some guys have a way of slipping a heavy , emotional burden into a topic of conversation like it is an 'after thought'; probably 'cos they are not used to expressing emotional issues in the same manner women are.

My guess is , if he had to have communicated it to you as being important, you would have retained it.

I would let it go for now and try and tune in to if this is the way he drops bombshells...in a nonchalent manner camouflaging the significance.

[Reminiscence]

Is this a one-off or has he or other people criticised your listening skills in the past?

 

I have ADD so it's something I have to monitor everyday. I'm a lot better now compared to when I was a kid. He knows this and he has ADD too.

[DN]

OK, then he should be more understanding. I suggest saying that you are sorry you missed whatever it was he said, would like to hear it but are not going to yield to this sort of emotional games playing.

[Reminiscence]

He sounds like a game player and I wouldn't mess with him. He should be straight up with you. How long have you been seeing this guy?

 

5 months. I've posted other stuff in the forums about my relationship with this guy. You're not the first to suggest that he's a player or I should stay away from him. I wonder if that really is the case sometimes but I try not to think about that. I'm all ready swamped with school and work. I'll deal with the problems as they come.

 

Whoops correction. 3 months, then 1 month we stopped and I ignored him, and then back again for another month.

[happpybear]

ya this is weird. manipulative. I agree with the previous poster that said it sounds like some test that you failed. dated a guy like this once, he would make up problems to start silly fights, and then would bring up these same issues down the road as ammunition in other fights. It was crazy, and your situation reminds of my ex.

 

I'm all ready swamped with school and work.

 

Maybe you should use this as a reason to just break it off, you are busy. wait till your not busy and then look for men that are emotionally mature.