Why start something if it's going to end?

[Reminiscence]

I'm sure that many of you here have had to face this question before. Perhaps you agonized over it and lost some sleep. Maybe even regretted your decision. Either way, it had to be answered and a decision needed to be made. Now I'm in that situation.

 

Part of the reason I never dated anyone in high school was because I knew that it was possible it wasn't going to last. Why go through the pain of losing something so great? So i figured I would wait until life settled down. Degree, job, my own place. Of course not everything goes as planned. I've been seeing this guy for 4 months. I don't want to go into all the details just yet. We aren't in a relationship as in dating and we are labeled bf/gf. The reason for this is because we're both full time students and this is our last year before graduating. School is the most important thing for us right now.

 

I bet you're thinking well make time, if you really want to be with each other you'll make the time.

 

If that were the case, this thread title would be much different. He's gonna be moving back home once he graduates, which is out of state and all the way on the other side of the country. We've talked about it and he told me that he doesn't want to start anything knowing that. When he asked if I would still want to start a relationship knowing that it would end and there would be very little chances to see each other I said yes.

 

A lot can happen in a year. Maybe it turns out we really aren't meant for each other. Or maybe if we were that much in love with each other I would go with him. Who knows. All I know is that I don't want to regret not taking a chance. But at the same time...I understand that maybe letting him go is the best thing. Don't even try to make things work. Just walk away.

 

I don't know what to do.

[ToF]

About a month ago I left a relationship that had started just like this. We dated for six months, and from the start we knew there was a strong possibility that he'd move out of state for a postdoc this summer. He did, and we split because of that. All that said, we had the healthiest, most functional and balanced relationship I've ever had. I did get much more attached than I intended to, but now I'm almost completely recovered.

 

I gave that relationship everything I could, and I don't regret it in the least. I did at first, when I was broken-hearted, but not anymore.

 

I guess I don't see the point in being that guarded. Everything ends anyway, right? Just go for it.

[chickydoodle]

It is a decision only you can make. It is one of those choices that will involve pain if you do and pain if you dont. Saying NO may or may not cause you the least pain. You may say YES and find the spark disappears and you are glad he is moving away........There is an endless realm of possabilities as to what could happen -as you say.

Whatever decision you make , it is important NOT to have regrets. TRUST your OWN decision making process , have FAITH in it. Make your decision and do not look back.

You may be imagining a future where you are wistfully thinking of the 'one that got away' . But if it is meant to be it will be ,regardless of what decision you make now.

School is the most important thing for us right now.

Maybe you have answered your own question in this post.!

Good Luck.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I don't understand. He doesn't want to start something knowing it's going to end, but the two of you have been seeing each other for the past few months. You're not in a relationship, but you are boyfriend and girlfriend?

 

To me, that means you've already started something, and you are in a relationship. You both of course are entitled to define your relationship how you want to, but it seems like you're in one

 

Your bf sounds like he's talking logically. Men (not all men) typically have a harder time talking about their emotions. If you wrote this as an equation, what he's saying makes some sense. That said he's also projecting. He can't predict the future any more than you or I can.

 

However, you both are nearing a turning point in your lives. You both are going to be finishing school soon, and should be a bit selfish and think about yourselves. How will having a relationship affect how you search for a job? Are you only both going to look at places where you can still be together?

 

My advice is, cross the end of the relationship bridge when you get there, but keep your options open for job searches.

 

And as to the question you posed, Tennyson said it best

 

 

Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all

[Reminiscence]

Whoops that's supposed to say we aren't labeled bf/gf

[rlo619]

stay with him..... Love is about taking risks LIFE is all about that.... Everything happens for a reason and destiny does it exist give it all you got and at the end if it turns out you love him follow him and if thats too much you need to understand life does go on and there will be another guy for you just like there will be another girl for him. Every relationship is a learning experience you can always take away from it so it's never a waste. Go for it with out a doubt.

[mhowe]

I started a great relationship w/ a guy in college....knew where he would be going to grad school, knew I wouldn't be moving there. We dated 2 more years LD --but I didn't want to move to where he was, as he would be moving....home to take over dad's company.

 

Couldn't see that for me -- -but do I regret having that relationship? Not at all.