How do I do this?

[delicous]

Yea, I think it makes it harder... Do you have issues with your father??? I know, I do and I am starting to think this is why I am so messed up in the head... He is so manipulative and such a jerk and so so flakey! nO WONDER why I have such bad luck with guys...

[gtnovru]

No I don't have any issues with my Dad, he's a great, loving father who gives me a lot of support. But my parents divorced when I was little, and my siblings and I grew up visiting my Dad once a week. Maybe growing up not having a father in the home full-time is why I am so dependent on guys, I believe that's what my therapist has implied. She firmly believes what we experience growing up plays into our adult lives.

[delicous]

She makes good sense lol. We did visitation at first too, but then my dad got full custody, he was always busy with work and when he wasn't working, he did a lot of getting drunk. I remember always wanting to escape to be with my friends. I also remember whenever I did need help with something like homework, he never helped me and when he did, he made me feel stupid and I never understood what he was teaching. I only ever needed help with math and that was like a foreign language and still is not easy for me to do. You will probaly have an easier time letting go of this ex of yours than me, I already know it's going to take a lot of time and space for me to not think about him daily..... I miss him right now and once again, no call...I don't get it, he made me feel like he'd stay in touch and now he's gone a wall again....

[gtnovru]

I think I might have an equally hard time, maybe for other reasons. I've always depended on a guy to fulfill my life, and I'd put all my hopes and dreams for a life and a family into my ex. Plus my boyfriends have always been my social life, so without him, I'm left feeling really alone. I have family and one good friend, but it's nothing like being with my ex. I loved our times together, and he was my dream guy, I was so infatuated with him. I feel depressed wondering if I'll ever feel that way about another guy again.

[delicous]

You will, it's stressful, i know..... I am there right now, i hate it, but it will get better and we will find a better guy!

[DieTeufelKatze]

Never allow someone else to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

 

Never rely on another person to "complete" you or you will always find yourself alone. Become an individual who doesn't need a relationship, but simply wants one as a compliment to their already full life.

 

And never, EVER think that having a guy's baby will improve a relationship or somehow bind them to you - it will do the opposite!

 

Fallow creeds such as these and you will have a much more peaceful, fulfilled life. And it's likely you won't settle for bad-news creeps.

[delicous]

It's easier said than done, especially whn you make up every morning, wishing he'd of called and thinking about him for hours on end. It's so much easier said, and I trying to honor NC, but it'd literally killing me. Had a couple dreams about him lastnight... I wish he'd wake up and realize he needs me, wants me, wants to at least keep in touch w me, but he just hasn't.... I want to cry and I do, but only a couple tears roll down my cheek and then on with the rest of my day with out him..... I miss his massages, i just miss his touch in general....It's not very easy to just move on and not contact him...But I am trying, but whenever I feel the time is right, I will still call him...

[gtnovru]

Delicous - Today was hard for me, I broke again. I thought I was getting better, but then it hit me again. The devastation from losing his love and him not wanting me and our family, it really really hurts. At one point, I really had his love, he seemed so devoted to me. But I got really depressed, he wasn't providing for us financially at all, and I kicked him out. Things never got better, even though I fought for 5 months to get him back. He told me for 5 months he loved me, but these were just lies, he lied a lot in those 5 months... and when I got pregnant, he was excited for about a week, then abruptly changed his mind, he had made some new friends I didn't know about, and he ended up realizing he didn't want to be with me after all, he convinced me to have the abortion then left me...

 

But in all of that, I keep wondering had I not become depressed and frustrated with him, had I not kicked him out, would he have kept loving me... and been a loving husband and father? My sister says NO. She says he showed his true colors within days of our first break-up, when I kicked him out. He started lying and talking to other girls and borrowing money from me... and putting his family first... she says losing his love was good because it showed his true character which is very flawed. She says I dodged a crappy life with a crappy guy. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

 

As much as I love and desire him so much right now... I HAVE to understand that I dodged a crappy guy. Do you feel that way at all? Even though you love and want him, trust me I know how you feel... do you believe at least a little that he's a bad guy? Is he a good man you can trust your life with? Not at all.

[delicous]

Thats what a lot of my friends say and family members, but I uuum....Don't think he's a bad guy and that's why I am still upset every morning and every night. I cried this morning for like a few minutes and just rolled back over and fell asleep. I just feel extremely alone and rejected and miss him a lot. I want to go and visit him and be with him, if just for a day....

[gtnovru]

Yeah I think the loneliness is the one of the worst parts, it makes you miss them so much. We had their love and attention, and they seemed to care so much, and we loved spending time with them, so amazing... and now nothing from them, as of we never existed to them, as if we never meant anything to them.

[delicous]

I think the longer I let him go and try to keep him out of my mind, the more more sane both you and I will be... And they havn't forgotten about us, theres no way they can forget the women who would of given birth to their child...... Keep your head up!

[gtnovru]

Yeah, I'm just gonna work on myself as best I can. Exercising, finding a new job, getting my finances in order. If he decides he still loves me and wants to work on what we have, great, I'll be ready. If I never hear from him again, that's fine too... I'll hope and pray God has someone better for me.

[delicous]

Thats a good attitude to have girl. I actually called him today and I guess he's coming back...But not to visit me, so kinda regret calling and knowing

it....he's comin for for other reasons and i think his exs bday is soon, i know its in august FML!..grrr, so yeah...I am feelin pretty down and stuff because

I put myself out there and asked him if we can see eachother while he's down here and he pretty much shot me down... "dont be mad at me if i dont come and see u..." REALLY? You IDIOT, why didn't you call me for the last freakin week? Why did you tell me you are coming back here, if you don't plan to even see me again? It hurts like hell, im not really use to rejection, but kinda am bc I tried to get my other ex before him back like several times before I gave up and every time, he'd turn me down....... It sucks because I know I am a beautiful, strong willed person who has a lot to offer, yet....I only want him.... POS dude who doesn't deserve my love or attention of any sourt.... I want to cry and scream but i just try to hold it in and not cry and keep doing what I was doing before I called him....."Thinkin about callin him.." ha ha...Grrreat...

[gtnovru]

Geez that freggin sucks, I feel the same way. I've been tempted a few times, just wanting to see if by chance he's missing me or to see if there might be a chance for us in the future. But I wouldn't be able to handle that rejection again, it would set me back big time. His last words to me included "stop texting me, move on, get off my case". So I'd be an idiot to expect him to all the sudden be sweet and wanting me back. If he wants me back, he knows he can contact me. Until then, I've got to move on.

 

One user on this site said the best revenge is living well and happy. What better way to say "screw you jerk" than to work on ourselves, be happier, better, successful people. We can't continue to let them tear us down, they've done enough already.

[delicous]

You are so right....But, for some reason....I still freakin love that man... It's hard for me to talk bad about him...But yes, moving on and living life to the best of your ability and taking care of yourself should be what any girl in our situation or guys main focus. I called him today though and can't reverse it, I called him, talked to him and honestly DO regret it because I am hurting pretty bad right now. I let him know this thru txt, but no reply...not even to let me know he made it here safe....So yeah... And i know about the txt thing, my ex chngd his #

[gtnovru]

I hear ya. As badly as my ex treated me, I cried both yesterday and today because I still LOVE him. There are so many reasons why our break-up is hurting us, and still loving them is one of the main reasons. That doesn't just go away over night. But my therapist says it WILL go away. I'm ready for that. We just have to keep pushing on - and one day there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

[gtnovru]

Is this your first tough break-up? Where you wanted to be with the guy, but he did the breaking up? It is for me, this is new territory, and it's revealing a lot about myself, I'm seeing a lot of weakness and insecurities that I desperately need to fix within myself.

[delicous]

It's my seconde...and yea im insecure, uncertain..i poored my heart out to him through text, i hope he comes to his senses soon...

[gtnovru]

When did you text him??

[delicous]

yesterday night and still no reply....And I KNOW he got them, he just is being a jerk...I don't have any words for it. I have a pounding headache and felt like tearing up so many times today, i took an afternoon nap, no call...offered for him to come over, no call or txt...theres no escapeing this pain girl...It sucks!

[metrogirl]

yesterday night and still no reply....And I KNOW he got them, he just is being a jerk...I don't have any words for it. I have a pounding headache and felt like tearing up so many times today, i took an afternoon nap, no call...offered for him to come over, no call or txt...theres no escapeing this pain girl...It sucks!

 

Then please stop torturing yourself. You text and text and he still ignores you and text some more and he doesn't cave. He doesn't care that you are suffering and the only way to stop suffering is to take control of yourself and let him go. He's let you go a long time ago, you need to do the same so you can start to heal. What you are doing is not healthy, IT'S NOT HEALTHY. You are gonna give yourself a nervous breakdown over him, he isn't worth it.

[gtnovru]

Trust me I know! My ex convinced me to have the A (I hate the word), and I did only because he PROMISED to stay with me and work on the relationship, he said he'd be there for me. The day after the A, he ignored my texts and calls... Two days later I blew up his phone with angry texts, and he finally responds "please leave me alone, I just want to move on".

 

It was like a knife to my heart, I had a panic attack, left work bawling, and checked into inpatient therapy... I had a complete breakdown, I couldn't take it. It's just awful how badly someone who supposedly loved you... can hurt you.

 

I should remember how badly he hurt me and not waste a single tear on him. But yet I can only seem to remember what I miss.

[delicous]

gtnorvru: I started crying whenever I read what you put...I am at that point, but he has not told me he wants to just move on and not see me anymore. He hinted to me the other day that I was the one for him and now........ it's like i don't mean a thing to him. I want to cry and it doesn't

bring him back to me, nomatter how much I cry.....it sucks

[gtnovru]

Yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna get over this. I have moments where I think I can do this... "screw you ***hole"... but now I feel so down and lonely... my heart is so broken : (

 

I really loved him and gave him my heart, it really hurts to not have his love anymore.

[delicous]

gtnovru, u said you checked yourself into an "inpatient therapy" what is that? It is like therapy or is it like for crazy people? I am not able to sleep very well at all. I go to lay down and I start to miss him, then I start to think about how bad he's be to me and how good at the same time and I can't sleep so I text him and he doesn't reply and I can't sleep even more than I couldn't sleep before I texted him. I am seriously thinking about getting some serious help because I can't sleep....All I do is cry.... Nobody knows this but me and whoever is on enotalone... Everyone thinks that I am moving on....It hurts to have this much pain. I wish he'd realize how much he is putting me through. I don't get why he can't even say anything at all to me. It's like I never meant a thing to him. I can't stop crying whenever I think about it, especially right when i crawl into bed. Even when I am completely exhausted, he is all I think of..... I think of our baby, and the life it would of had, and I think about how he would of been as a dad, and what could have been, should have been... I think about the love I still have for him. I can write 20 poems about how much I care and how much he's sucked me into loving him...... I can't understand why he is choosing to purposely hurt me worse. He told me the other day whenever we did talk, he told me "that whole situation screwed him up...." I should of asked him what he meant but instead I just said...."You don't think it screwed me up?" Like....Why did I say that? I should of let him spill to me what he meant, but instead switched the subject....

 

I wish he'd call me and talk to me. I need this from him. I need him in general....I don't understand how he could do so much to me. Make me feel so useless....I feel so hurt, betrayed, my heart literally is in pain, my chest is in pain....I can't sleep!!!! I just want to hear his voice, hear him say ANYTHING!...Why is he ignoring me, even after a week and a couple days of no contact, I chose to reach out to him and this is what he does? Why did he even pick up the phone if he knew he was just going to not want to see me. Why is he being this way, can a MAN tell me what it is thats going through his mind since he won't call me and explain it to me himself??