How do I do this?

[gtnovru]

I know EXACTLY what you're going through, trust me. Two days after the A, when he finally responded to my texts saying "I just want to move on from all of this. I've learned a lot about myself and what I want for my life. Please move on..." blah blah blah... I was so devastated, I couldn't believe he had lied to me, convinced to have the A then was abandoning me. It was awful. I walked out of work, crying hysterically... I called my sister to ask for some sort of hospital or therapy place I could go to cope... because I was having a complete emotional breakdown. She's a nurse and gave me a place to call. It was a behavioral health inpatient/outpatient hospital. Because I was so distraught, they were afraid I would hurt myself, and they threw me into inpatient therapy which was AWFUL, inpatient therapy is a psych ward... there were a lot of trashy, weird people, it was gross. I checked out as soon as I could, and I checked into outpatient therapy at a good hospital. It's group therapy 3 hours a day, 5 days a week... and I'm on my 3rd week. It's allowed me to have paid time off from work and given me therapy to help me get over this, because I wasn't coping well. I've also started back up with my individual therapist.

 

From my experience, I would suggest you at least try to see an individual therapist/counselor, if possible. What we've been through is too hard to cope with on our own, especially with the abortion. The thoughts of what-if, if you could've gone through with the pregnancy, ending the life that was inside of you, it's really dark stuff.

[delicous]

So, if I do anything, try outpatient and not inpatient lol!... He just called, but it didn't help anything...I told him parts of why I am hurting and what I need from him, but.... he is just so busy with work, it hurts me when he lets me go because somebody frm work is calling .... Let it go to vm, right now I NEED YOU...and he's leaving back out of state tonight.....I can't stop crying...!

[gtnovru]

I'm glad he hasn't cut you off completely... because that would hurt even worse. So what was the latest "status" discussed on your relationship? If you find yourself continuing to struggle, I would start by seeing an individual therapist/counselor/psychologist. If that doesn't help enough and you continue to struggle to cope, that's when you should look into outpatient therapy. But only consider inpatient therapy if you feel suicidal, which hopefully you're not feeling that low.

 

By the way, how are you feeling physically? Did you ever see a doctor?

[delicous]

We didn't discuss it, first thing he asked is if I am okay, and I started tearing up and told him that I don't think I am...He told me he still cares and that he just threw down his phn over the weekend and went about his life, but I don't believe him, as much as I would like to...I don't.... I told him i was sorry if I made his feel bad ,whn he was already feeling bad and I told him I am afraid of him cutting me out...He didn't say much of anything, which sucks because I wanted to hear more...I really did....he had to let me go because he had someone calling from work and told me to not be mad at him if he doesn't call for a couple of days and he was purposely at first avoiding talking to me...I got quiet and he asked me why I was quiet and I told him I still really wanted to talk to him, he told me to call him or he will try calling....but he hasn't, again....this is getting so tiring....

 

I have to wait until my insurance kicks in before I can go see anyone, but I will try my best once it comes in. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without wanting to cry and crying and just don't feel like im enough, yes, i do have suicidal thoughts, but they are very very mild...

I wish he'd call back tonight so I can find out what he wants even tho I think I already know, which is to left alone. He will not tell me thats what he wants, but he doesn't love me, doesn't want me back, didn't want our baby born...and didn't attempt to contact me the first week after the "a."

[gtnovru]

Sounds like the situation I'm in too, except yours has at least made some attempt to talk to you.

 

I know you don't want to hear this... but I think it's time for you to start preparing yourself to move on. I'm at week 3 since my BU, and it's been really rough. But it is getting better overall. He was my world, my hopes, my dreams, my future, I planned on marrying him and having children. But he changed, used me, lied to me and manipulated me. Everything I wanted with him came to a devastating end. And I know you're feeling the same way. It's gonna be hella hard, but you have to start picking up the pieces and moving on.

 

I hate that my ex didn't want me or our child. It really freggin' hurts. But I can't do anything about that... and I'm working now to try to find happiness and peace within myself... without him. You can too.

[delicous]

Then why do I want when I go to bed to be next to him, for him to hold me, for us to still kiss? I am so attached to this man, he was and still is my world. And I know it's unhealthy and so many have told me to move on from him and I do not know why I keep torchering myself. He did tell me to call him, but... I am going to break down in tears if he doesn't answer and all of these bad things are going to run through my mind. I just told him through text that I need to just try to realize I am not what he wants...I waited like 10 minutes for him to call or txt me to convince me otherwise, but he hasn't..... I wish he'd care. Why can't he? I gotta get sleep tonight, I can't be doing this everyday.....How can he be so cold and distant and not want to see me..?

[gtnovru]

Yep, I'm still missing him... I miss him holding me, kissing me and more... I have been very attached too. I fought for 5 months, not giving up even when he lied to me and saw other girls...

 

He's not gonna fight for you. Just like my ex isn't fighting for me. Because they don't care.

 

I don't understand it at all. My ex was saying he loved me just days before he ended things. I don't understand how they can go from loving us so much... to not wanting anything to do with us. It's hurtful... and it's taken me 3 weeks for my chest and back to literally stop aching. It was like a piercing feeling through my chest.

 

You've got to draw on the little strength you have now, to get through this intense heartache. It seems impossible now, I know. But you have to. I'm going through the same thing.

[delicous]

OFF TOPIC of missing my ex bf----

 

But...Umm...Im starting to break out a lot. I don't know if it's something normal because of the abortion. It's been 2 weeks now and all of the sudden, I have my forhead getting lots of small pimples in a clusher and then I have like some that forms on my cheeks which is very very bizar because I have never had any clushers of pimples in my entire life. It's usually one and it goes away when I treat it within like maximum 3-5days.. But these looks really different from my normal type of break out. Did any of you experience that when you did ur "A." Is there anything I can do? I also am noticing a bunch of small red dots, when i touch them, you can barely feel them, but they are red and they are all over my chest, it looks sourtof like "heat rash" but I don't think that is what it is. After going through the worse times of my life, I am now looking the way I feel on the inside, reflecting on the outside.... It's really bringing me down and keeping me even more so from pursuing any dating or going out period! Except from work, I have to go to work to make an income LOL. Anyone know whats going on? I stopped bleeding as much, its more like spotting and no big clusters or blood clots except the ones I mentioned last week.

 

 

 

Gtnovru: I know what you mean by fighting for 5 months for him. My ex right before him, the one who got married within months after us breaking up.... I emailed him at least once to twice a week for about the same period of time, 5 months.... I got an email back from him letting me know that he is getting married, has a kid on the way and can no longer see me or talk to me. It broke my heart.... But during that time, I was seeing this guy I have been posting about all this time... He was technically a "rebound." But I fell in love with him and I do not think anyone can cause me to not feel that way. He is selfish, yet selfless....it's so hard for so many people to understand, but I know what you mean....

 

Wish he could be there for me every time I need him, but he just doesn't have the time and it is really heart breaking because I DON'T want to date another man, or try to build a new life with somebody new even though I know thats the healthy way to go...I just am not ready...There is one person who I like who is actually my ex's old bestfreind, not this current one, but the one who got married... And I like him, but he has a girlfriend. We may go out to dinner or something soon, but I made it clear I will not help him cheat or anything like that..... But I honestly just wish the one I wish to see would just tell me he loves me and tell me to wait for him because I do love him and I WILL wait for him as long as I KNOW he trully loves me. Not just cares, but LOVES....And that's the thing, he can't say it, but he shows it in the things he does but it's not enough as SAYING it.

[delicous]

He is keeping in contact, but....our conversations are dry and un stimulating..

[gtnovru]

As for the break-outs, it's likely due to the hormonal changes occurring, and I'm sure your high stress level is just adding to it. Hopefully the acne will go away soon. Try the zinc supplements. That's weird about the "heat rash". I didn't experience that.

 

I know what you mean about not wanting to be with anyone else. I didn't want to even imagine having to find someone else, but my ex left me completely, no contact, so I have to move on.

 

Your current situation with your ex... I'm not sure about. He doesn't want to commit right now, doesn't make plans to see you, but he's still calling you... I just worry that he might be stringing you along, you might be building up some false hope... But actions typically speak louder than words. Just be careful.

[delicous]

It's already starting to fade a bit, but yes, im definetly convinced its do to stress and horomones lol... Funny how a lot of my stress disapated when him and I started talking again, he even txtd a bit yesterday which was jaw dropping to me. He's made it clear he will be there for me, and be around and still be in my life. It perked me up when I realized how much he actually cares... I am sure he isn't meaning to "string me along" but you are most likely right. Kinda like a back up plan or something? I hope you are wrong and he actually is trying to be in my life as more than that, but who ever knows with this man?

 

I think part of the reason I lost most of my audience is because he is continueing to contact me and talk to me....I think a lot of the readers though he was for sure gone this time.....

[gtnovru]

Well you're in no man's land right now. You guys are just texting/phone buddies? Is the relationship sufficient for you?

 

My ex texted and called for 5 months, saying I love you every week and coming over every week... then dropped me on my ass. These guys can't really be trusted.

 

I hope I'm wrong about yours... I know how much you want to be with him, I know how much you want it to work out... Just be careful. I thought mine was there for me, then he hurt me more than I could've imagined. They can turn on a dime.