How do I do this?

[gtnovru]

I had my abortion done on a Saturday. Between then and the following Wednesday, I still felt extremely bloated and was bleeding moderately, the bleeding hadn't slowed down in those 5 days. Then that Wednesday afternoon, I started having severe cramping and then started passing multiple large clots. Went to the ER and had to have a D&C procedure. Do any of my symptoms sound similar to what you're experiencing? When I was still bleeding and feeling uncomfortable and bloated after 5 days, I knew something wasn't right. Then once the cramping and clots kicked in, I definitely knew then.

[delicous]

I was told by them that if I started passing large clotts to let them know because that shouldn't happen... And yes...I had mine done Monday and I actually wasn't bleeding at first hardly at all, but its started strongly as of thursday up til today... I need to go buy pads because I worry about tampons during this fragile of a state that my body is in. I think it may be in shock or something because I was not able to even go out with my friend tonight and I feel like crap because I tried so hard to keep my battery going and to ignore the cramping, headaches and uncomfort thats been going on, my lower back really isn't feeling normal and I did a #2 yesterday and was very very scared I was going to cramp to "death" literally....Sorry if I painted any type of picture, but yes...My body is freaking out and im getting really bad migrains like as soon as I stand up after sitting, i get this head rush....

 

I was thinkng about checking into the hospital if it persist...?

 

And my ex contacted me jst an hr ago to let me know he jst got off of work and is going to eat and pass out and not drink....I don't know why he felt the need to tell me that, but it felt amazing to hear from him...seriously was panicky today...

[Avila]

it sounds like your body is struggling with some of the blood loss. i haven't had an abortion but i remember when i was starting monofemme (it's a brand of bc pill) and it was wrong for me so it kept making me bleed day after day. the blood loss started to make me woosy, unwell and upset. if your feeling unwell, trust your instinct and see a doctor. better safe than sorry x

 

btw ttugrl i am so extremely sorry that that man treated you the way he did. the way he lied to you is just pure evil. be strong xo

 

delicous there are just some things we all have to learn the hard way. even though lavenderdove sounds negative her advice and reasoning is sound. it's just that sometimes we aren't ready to see things that way yet. whatever happens there are 2 things you must keep in mind and ask yourself often.

 

1.) Would you treat another person the way he's treated you?

 

2.) Do you love, approve and respect yourself?

 

Always remember that the way we allow others to treat us is a reflection of what we think of ourselves. Take care of yourself hon x

[gtnovru]

Delicious - You definitely need to see a doctor. You should've started feeling normal after just a couple of days. But your discomfort and bleeding indicate something isn't right. I went to the ER because I was in a lot of pain. Do you have a gynecologist that you can see tomorrow? If your pain is tolerable, try to see your gynecologist. She can do a pelvic exam and ultrasound to see what's going on. And then she may admit you to the hospital for a D&C if necessary. But if you're in a lot of pain and scared, I would say go to the ER. They can do all those same things, in addition to helping you with pain management right away.

 

Avila - You have the right outlook for sure! We shouldn't allow them to treat us so badly. And we shouldn't cry over someone like that. It's just hard because I reflect on all the good times, how much he did love me, how much I love him, and how I believe I made mistakes that led him to fall out of love for me, and I wish I could go back.

[delicous]

Avila- yes, I asked those questions over and over about 1000 x and the same answer comes to mind "its situational..." I guess I will be seeing a doctor soon beause the bleeding isn't stopping and when i stood up from the toilet after peeing "uncomfortably"...I felt my right ovary punch me...I don't know like a pulse or something weird...

So definetly need to go see a doctor. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to be wearing tampons and the doctor never told me..as soon as I read that can lead to infection, I rushed to the nearest drug store to buy some pads... I am STILL not feeling myself yet...

 

ttugrl: I know how you feel, believe me...We can prob sit down and discuss it for hours because we can relate to the same pain. The same love that I have for him remains and same for you and I get it. My ex before him went and moved someone else in mnths after I finally left and it was painful and heart wrenching, whats worse...is that he never said he was sorry....he never owned up to his actions and put all the blame and hurt on me. I have tried to have lunch with him or coffee and he just says "NO.." just like that...thats it... I know what you mean by "you made mistakes to make him fall out of love with you" but.....if he was ever in love in the first place, he wouldn't of played all of those childish games "true words.." What mistakes do you think you did to cause him to fall out of love? We can compare if you'd like? lol

[gtnovru]

Yeah nothing's suppose to go up there for 2 weeks. I can't believe the doctor or nurse didn't tell you that. Check your temperature morning and night too.

 

For several months, including when we lived together, things were so great with him. He said I was the girl of his dreams, that he couldn't wait to marry me, he loved me so much, he held me so tightly when we slept, he'do anything for me, he got me an engagement ring at one point, we came up with names for our kids, I loved it. Flash forward 9 months later, he breaks up with me, and I'm left devastated. A lot has happened in those 9 months, but just knowing how great it once was just breaks my heart. He was the one for me.

 

My mistakes? Oh geez. Well, I had ended a long relationship a few months before meeting my most recent ex. Although I didn't have any romantic feelings for the other ex (call him B), I had sorta started comparing the two guys, and that put a strain on the relationship. My other ex (B) had a lot of good qualities that my most recent ex (call him C) didn't have. C hadn't finished school, C wasn't as handy, C was more difficult to communicate with than B. I compared them, and I shouldn't have because I wanted to be with C, not B. Also, when C and I moved in together, I started having depression. I was not happy a lot of days. I just wanted to lay in bed and watch TV on Saturdays. Not getting a handle on my depression was another huge strain on our relationship. Also, C wasn't paying any bills. I supported him financially, other than his car and cell phone, I paid all the bills. I told him it was breaking me, he was trying to start an at-home business, but him not helping me out with bills drove me crazy. Finally, I was so frustrated, I blind-sided him and kicked him out. I regretted it days later and worked for 5 months to get things back. But he changed his feelings for me pretty soon after that, and things were never the same. Kinda makes me wonder if his love was based on convenience and financial support, I'll never know for sure. What about your mistakes?

[Ms Darcy]

We have all been there when we love the "wrong" guy but eventually we learn and grow more self-loving. I look forward to that day for you because being in love (or infatuated) with someone who ultimately does not see you as the one is just years of torture.

[gtnovru]

Yeah I wish he saw me as the one though. I wish he would've forgiven me for getting frustrated about the money situation, I wish he would've been more understanding at how frustrating it was for me, I wish he would've given me a second chance. Instead he strung me along for 5 months, vowing he loved me, but breaking up with me in the end. Why doesn't he love me like I love him? Even all the crap he's put me through, I still wanted us to work. And he stopped caring a long time ago. I just don't understand. He said he wants to move on from all his problems. Maybe he'll see that running from problems doesn't work. Even with new friends and eventually a new girl, those same problems will be there. At the end of the day, I hope he realizes how much I was there for him, in good times and bad. I loved him even when he was flat broke. I hope he regrets it all.

[Ms Darcy]

Honestly ... I think guys know (just like girls) when they are acting like fools. They respect you MORE when you walk away from them than standing by them when they are flat broke and living off you.

[delicous]

O wow, I can relate with my my ex before this current one!.....men can be such scum man!!

[gtnovru]

Wow your relationship sounds a little tumultuous, mine was too. It's interesting how you say he put his brother before you. My ex always put his family before me too. While I was paying for all of our bills, he gave $300 to his brother because the brother's live-in girlfriend refused to get a job, and the brother needed help with rent. My ex gave him money, without even telling me - I didn't find out until months later, after my ex had moved out. It was just a slap in the face after I'd been supporting us for months. Is your ex by chance Hispanic?

[delicous]

What a jerk!....No, he's a white boy lol... I hope he calls tonight...

And you will find the right guy, the guy who doesn't use you for what you have and same with me, if I can just get him out

of my head...

[gtnovru]

I hear ya, I can't stop thinking about my ex either. He's on my mind 24/7. I feel sorta obsessed too : ( Maybe partly because I was so freggin attracted to him, it was intense. Makes me sad : (

 

So your ex and you are still talking?? Or at least he said you guys would still talk? I just don't understand why these guys couldn't do the right thing. Stay with us and want to have children. I wanted to be with him and have a family with him so badly. But not if he didn't want me.

[delicous]

I hear ya girl!.... Same here, my guy is very sexy...dimples, reptile eyes....hes rediculous lol

 

And yes, I hear you there too, they don't want kids because they know they'd be forced to change. I still feel like had I decided to have it, he'd be by my side still...

[gtnovru]

Oh mine is hella sexy too. The first night we met, could barely keep my hands off him. Very intense. Loved it.

 

Yeah I really wonder that too. Even though he needs to "be alone now" and doesn't want to be with me, I have to wonder if he's confused. And if I'd decided to continue my pregnancy, how different would things be? Would he really deny having a family? Or would he have finally done the right thing, put us together to have a happy family? I guess I have to think if he doesn't want me now, he wouldn't have wanted to be with me even with his child. I guess. It hurts : (

[delicous]

I feel like if I ever want him back, I have got to be able to try to forget about the pregnancy because I know if I decided to, I can get him back. So could you. Us girls can be manipulative and thats the way I got him back so many times before... But this time it's different. You two don't seem to have had any breaks ups aside from just this one. We have had at least 10 prior... You have a good chance of getting him back, but.....Do you really want that? That is the same exact question i am asking myself... I am doing things in this life of mine and I do not know if he will be able to trully be my partner. He may be an amazing lover and great friends, but when it comes to being a companion, he just may not have that...

 

Anyways, there is a lot to think about, I think you can agree with that....It sucks though, because I am holding so tightly onto how much I love him, that everything else he did seems to fade into the background...

[gtnovru]

Yeah there were definitely times in our last couple of weeks together, that I wasn't sure if we were right for each other. But I don't know if that was because of my depression and overwhelming stress from being pregnant. Because I've since gotten help with my depression and I'm no longer dealing with pregnancy stress, and now I want him back more than anything. Yeah maybe there's a better partner out there for me, but I'd rather be with him now than go looking for that. I loved the connection we had and how being in his arms felt. I'm scared I won't find that again. Wouldn't it be so much easier to handle a break-up if we didn't want the other person anymore... but I do want him, and I miss him. If he could've just loved me like he did before and been committed to us, I know we could've been great again. His feelings just changed I guess, and I'm having a hard time dealing with that. He was so in love with me at one point, or so it seemed.

[delicous]

I know what you mean. It isn't like that though. Life doesn't work that way and they both didn't want our child, soooo...

tells me they have issues changing, comitting, becoming a better person... I do love him too though and I know exactly what

you are saying. Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk. And yea, my ex didn't call me yesterday, hopeing for today, but

I don't know if he will or not.... I wish he would.... just start missing me like crazy and come back!

[gtnovru]

Yes, they definitely have issues... Like you said, they need to learn how to commit and be better people! I was capable and wanting our little family, if he'd just given me the love and support I needed.

 

Yeah wouldn't that be amazing to see them calling or texting! It's been over 2 weeks since he's texted me on his own, I would be so shocked to see him call/text. If he ever calls me again, which I wouldn't be surprised to never hear from again, but if he did, it would be surreal. I hope I don't care or love him anymore by the time he does. My therapist says the love I have for him will go away, I would say that'd be a relief.

[delicous]

I cant believe the dumb jerk didn't call again...im heart broken.....

[gtnovru]

For the past 2 weeks I was hoping mine would call. Today, for the first time, I've given up that hope... because it's not good for me.

 

Do you think you're ready to stop hoping?

[delicous]

Nope, not yet... Have you ever been sitting watching tv or listening to music, or the damn washer or dryer is going and you think you hear your phone ring? That is what I am still going through and it's draining..... And another one, I get text and think it's him, but it turns out not being him.... Another crusher....

I don't understand why he'd tell me he thinks I am the one and then totally doesn't try to make me feel special, just on the back burner...It hurts and yet I still continue to love him...

[gtnovru]

Yeah, for the 5 months I was trying to keep our relationship going, I would constantly check my cell phone, almost obsessively. And, when he did call, I'd drop everything for him. I wanted things to work out so badly. And since our break-up, if I've received a call or text from someone, yes, I'd really be hoping it was him... but highly doubting it. I really wonder if I'll ever hear from him again. Maybe if his relationships fail or he needs money or he loses his job, when he NEEDS something, that would probably be the only time I'd hear from him. It's very crushing that they don't call, it hurts. We gave so much, and they seem to care so little. Yeah, my ex told me a week before he ended things... that he loved me, that we're good together, and that me being happy makes him happy. HA, those were all lies. The loving and missing part is the hardest. I wish I could turn off my feelings and desires for him, because it's a one-sided relationship, where he probably hasn't even thought twice about me. But, I met with my therapist yesterday, and she really showed me how much he used me, how many boundaries I let down to be with him - and that made me realize I really HAVE to let go of him. If he truly loved me, we'd be together, having our baby. But no. I think my biggest worry is will I ever find someone that I feel this strongly about - I'm scared I won't ever find it again. At times, I've had panic attacks thinking about not being with him or someone like him again. And my therapist also showed me how that feeling is a problem. Extreme anxiety, inability to cope because I don't have him or someone like him... means I've got to gain my own independence and happiness within myself, so I don't crumble without him. Ya know?

[delicous]

I know what you mean, but if you re-read what you said, everything points to getting over him and trying your best to forget about him because

he is a loser. I know it's hard, but it'll get easier, the more you realize life is going to be okay with out him. I am going through a lot of the same

emotions and feelings as you, so I understand how hard it is to get passed him.... Wonder if our ex's know eachother? Evil bastards lol!

 

 

Hope all turns out well... I could of really seen a future with him and it's heart breaking still, even though its been now close to 3 days of NC...

[gtnovru]

Well if he continues to not contact you, stay strong on your NC. I turned my phone off for 4 days when he initially broke up with me. And when I turned it back on, I was so upset to see he didn't contact me once. Even in our other "break-ups", he always contacted me after a day or so. Now more than 2 weeks from the last time I heard from him, it's getting easier. As each day ends without a call or text from him, I'm less and less surprised, and I don't expect it anymore at all. Now I'd be shocked to hear from him.

 

Do you think having been pregnant with their baby makes this also harder?