aphrodite12 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago, and we have had NC since then. This is the longest time we have ever had NC for, and I am starting to worry that he might start to forget about me and get on with his life. Let me give some background... - 6 month relationship - First 5 months were fine - The final month: full of arguments, mostly initiated by me and my bad temper. - What led to the break: during a particularly bad fight, I told him it was over. I didn't mean this and I took it back the next day, but I had hurt him too much by doing such a thing. I begged, pleaded, cried on his shoulder, but he didn't want to go back into a relationship where he is subject to my temper. I miss him very much. This guy loved me a hell of a lot; he put up with all our arguments because he loved me so much and he was hoping things would change. He even said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, just 3 days before this big fight. But when I "broke up" with him in this fight, despite not meaning to it was the last straw for him. Help? Link to comment
GrowingUp85 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I'm in a similar boat as you. Have you tried to contact him at all, or has it been completely no contact? If it's only been two weeks, I think you may need a little more time before you try to contact him again. Chances are, if you were that close, he hasn't forgotten about you in two weeks. Link to comment
Streetbob Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Say sorry for overreacting...saying it was over and for initiating arguments Say that You hope you could get back together but the decision must be theirs. Then go into NC, work on your issues and enjoy some time alone and see what happens. Early days but try and keep your self esteem intact as much as possible Link to comment
mixhot Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 shouldnt you still be in the honeymoon stage ?? maybe he doesnt like what he sees now " your bad temper " you need to start controlling your anger issues, you cant just split up with some one just because YOU get angry!! to be honest if i was him and you did that to me, i probably think you would just do it again and again every time we have an argument. if you cant control your anger then there is no control over the RS,, i think you should send him an email or a text, tell him that you are going to work on your anger issues,, and if he needs space give it to him, Link to comment
aphrodite12 Posted July 23, 2012 Author Share Posted July 23, 2012 My plan is to wait for a month since the break to contact him..I made a big fool of myself when he was breaking up with me. I was acting very desperate and that is why I'm afraid of contacting him too soon, even if it's to make an apology. When he was breaking up with me I was trying very hard to convince him, saying I would do anything I could to get rid of my anger- anger managment, yoga, but he could not be convinced. But I am scared that one month will make him "adapt" to life without me and not want to see me again. Link to comment
mixhot Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 scared or not, if he moves on then he moves on, you cant control that hun, but what will push him further away is you contacting him all the time.. stick to your plan and contact him in a month or so, but in the mean time WORK on you bad temper you naughty girl!! hee hee its still early days so i would just stay calm Link to comment
Ezzie Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 He'll miss you and think of you! A month is quite a long time to be away from somebody that you used to be close to. Just stay away from contacting him right now so he can have his space and know what it feels like to miss you. If you can do that, then he'll be more likely to talk to you again when the month is up! Link to comment
ClarityCoast Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Aphrodite...actions speak louder than words. You threw up every defense during the break up: anger management, yoga, etc. But he did not believe you. Take this time...to show him. It sounds like this is far more than a "bad temper." Instead of plotting away your time...put it to good use. If a month passes and you walk back into his life with a big smile, he will likely still have the gut reaction of, "OK, how long will THIS last??" If a month passes and you shoot him a message to ask how he is doing, tell him you are involved in anger management counseling and ASK him if it would be OK if you two could re-establish communication after you are further along in your program....I bet you anything he will be very impressed and receptive. I give you this perspective from someone who has been emotionally abused by an ex with a severe temper. He frequently came back with stars in his eyes and promises of clarity...and calm. They quickly disappeared. And each time they did, I took his word, less and less. Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 One of the benefits of a lengthy NC is that both parties - the dumper and the dumpee, get to really experience life without the other person in it. The longer it goes on, month in and month out, It can bring to light a lot of feelings; abandonment, loneliness, longing and regret. The longer it goes on, month in and month out, It can also bring to light the exact opposite - and you realize that although hurt, your life is actually better than it was while in the R/S. Whether or not he misses you or is thinking of you now is inconsequential; all you need to do is concentrate on YOU. Do you miss YOU? IF you do, now is the time to re-invest in yourself, rebuild your life, and live your life looking thru the windshield, not the rear-view mirror. Link to comment
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