Someone refresh my memory on dating...

[ThomasP]

Oh boy, this is embarrassing, but it needs to be asked. I'm a fairly young guy (20) and haven't had a real date since high school. I've always been the "busy, no time for anything but work and school" type person. I've had a few girls hit on me and show signs of interest, but I never acted on them since I was too clueless or simply not interested in dating.

Recently I met someone, the feeling of caring and what I like to call "pre-loving" someone suddenly hit me, and I realized I missed it!

Problem is, I blew my shot with her and have come to the conclusion that there is no way she'll go out with me. As we say here, on to the next one!

 

The other problem is...I haven't dated in so long, that I feel I've forgotten EVERYTHING! In high school it was simple. You asked someone out, they said yes/no; if they said yes, you went out and everything fell into place. A few texting games, but typically it was so new to everyone, that everything was implied. Being in a relationship vs dating/being exclusive, going on a second date, etc. It was all simple.

 

After talking to a few male and female friends of mine, I've realized that it isn't really like that anymore, the maturity level is definitely up, but things seem to be more complex.

 

I decided to just let go, and make some time for a relationship, especially since things will be slow for awhile in respect to work.

 

I have a few questions though.

Guys, what do you say when you want to ask a girl out?

Girls, what do you expect to hear when a guy asks you out?

 

How long after you've met someone do you wait to ask them out? With the last girl, I waited 8 or so months...thats where I messed up.

 

Last, and most important question...ladies, is there any hope for the nice guy?

 

I'm not trying to brag (heck, I don't even have the right to), but the majority of the people who I've met have always categorized me as the nice guy, caring, "wouldn't say/do anything to hurt anymore." To give you an idea, when my friend's brother asked me to name a list of people who they knew, who I wasn't so fond of, 3 of my friends blurted out something along the lines of "he doesn't hate people..."

 

So, is there any hope, or are girls in my age group just attracted to the cocky, but confident guys?

 

Note: Aside from having a hard time asking a girl out, I am a fairly confident person. I just don't brag about it.

 

Comments are appreciated, and if you get a good laugh out of this question, that's fine too

[Natasha24]

Ask her out as soon as you decide you want to go out with her.

Don't just walk up to a random girl and say "Let's go to dinner". I doubt any girl will appreciate that.

 

But if you've been talking to a girl for a few days or a few weeks, say something like "I really enjoy getting to know you. Do you want to go to the movies sometime?"

 

I know it seems nerve wrecking now, but trust me, after like 2 or 3 dates, you'll feel like a pro.

[Thorshammer]

I was in your shoes at 20, i actually didnt seriously date after high school until 23, and i didnt hit my stride until around 25. I made up for lost time, and i never look back at chances missed.

 

You have to be yourself, dont be nice to be impressive, be nice because its part of your custom and culture. You give what she gives, dont compensate for anything. If she annoys you, tell her, dont let her push you- this not only helps you from being a push-over, but it keeps attraction in track.

 

I just tell the woman hi... she says hi back. I start a conversation on anything around us, and turn that random topic into personal (but not to in-depth) questions about her. Then, if good convo comes from this, i ask for the number. On the phone i get to know them a bit more, then ask her out to a date (usually from something we chatted about, like if we talked about bars for example). I keep it mostly friendly until she plays ball too and shows shes interested.

[epsilon2x]

In high school it was simple. You asked someone out, they said yes/no; if they said yes, you went out and everything fell into place. A few texting games, but typically it was so new to everyone, that everything was implied. Being in a relationship vs dating/being exclusive, going on a second date, etc. It was all simple.

 

Listen, I'm 25 and I can tell you it's still the same. The only difference is that it's easier. It's easier because girls like guys in their mid twenties and also because girls don't have to worry about reputations or anything like that like they did in high school. Everything is more casual. If you see a girl you think is cute, talk to her and ask her out.

 

Also, drop the whole 'nice guy' attitude. The reality is that you want the same thing that every other guy wants, you just don't know how to do it, so you give yourself a nice name and call the other 'non-nice' guys names like (well the names will probably get censored). In your context, nice guy usually translates into: scared, pushover, overly complimentary, boring, you never argue, you don't stand your ground, etc. Just talk to girls like they were your guys friends but in a flirtier way.

[ThomasP]

Thanks Natasha, I always knew it was that simple, but a little reassurance helps.

Thanks you Thorshammer, that's extremely motivating. Glad to know I'm not the only late bloomer around! Starting random conversations has always been easy for me, so it's nice to know one of my skills can actually be of use in the dating world.

Much appreciated Epsilon2x. That makes a lot of sense, my high school was a tad different (the whole reputation thing was relevant, but not as problematic as it was in other high schools). I get what you're saying about the whole nice guy thing. Keep in mind however, this is how I was raised, and it's definitely not something I can "drop," since it is what makes me, me. It is something I can alter however. I never called myself a nice guy around people, it's a reputation I developed because mostly everyone I know of called me "the nice guy." That is true what you said about the translation of a nice guy, in my context. I do avoid arguments unless the issue needs to be pressed. I do however stand my ground, always have. A little on the scared side, in respect to dating, more anxious though. Pushover...I won't lie, there's a good chance people can see me as that. Over complimentary...well you got me on that one. Boring..I don't think so.

Well, either way, I do need to change some things about myself. I appreciate the blunt/honest responses, can't stand the whole "how do I put this without hurting your feelings" trash.