Dinocaz Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Ok some of you may have read my own miserable story some may not. Either way im still here , alive and kicking and moving forwards since my break up. My own No Contact took a few months to really kick in. I would text the ex at the drop of a hat - that vital bit of info she had to know, or somthing about somone etc etc any manner of pathetic excuses. Her usual reply was either "efff off" "get a life" "jog on looser" Eventually I got real on my NC. It was hard, I pined to hear her grating voice, I longed for any message no matter how megre, I would pace my house willing her to contact me , any reason would do .... it never came I knew deep down it wouldnt. Then bit by bit NC shaped up, the urges to send a message started to ebb away, the desire to ask 10001 questions to friends and family became less and less. It was around April that people started to see a change. Somtimes they would mention her name I started saying "please dont talk about my ex right now I dont need to hear anything" and soon they all got the message. No contact gave me breathing space, it allowed me to gain strength again as a person. My self esteem started to increase. As the weeks went by I began to focus less on less on the amount of time I had not contacted my ex, I stopped counting the days. It started to feel like second nature. Which is where Im at now. Its an absurd thought when I think of actually calling her, its so unreal and it so wont happen. I still get the odd day when it feels rough, not a full day but maybe 1 hour here 1 hour there. But no contact remains. Its needed to allow a person to rebuild there own life post break up. Its not about getting one over on the ex or trying to send a message through our silence to our exes. Its about allowing yourself to fully heal and move forward. Somthing you cant do if your still clinging onto to the past. I remember the last text I sent her a few months ago. We were having a vile spate of txts about divorce procedure, horrible. But then i simply got fed up and my last message ever sent was somthing on the lines of "Ok you divorce me, send the papers no more discussion, dont bother sending a reply as I wont respond. And dont contact me again ever for any reason!" from that point on is where my NC really kicked in. It has been a pivotal tool in my recovery, im starting to feel stronger each day. I feel calm inside. Im growing in my confidence and the tables are turning. My ex nxt week goes on hols with her bf and taking our daughter along. This would have had me in emotional bits just 3 months ago, but now well its all so different, they are welcome to it, I hate the costa del sol and Malaga with a passion (no offence to anyone just a personal preferance) My relationship with my daughter is rock solid much to the angst of her mother, and she has been living with me full time these past 3 weeks and will continue to do so at least for the near future I think. My NC remains, I dont count the days or the weeks anymore, Im not doing it now just to heal im doing it becuase I actually could not stand to hear my exs voice and can not be foooooked with wasting any breath on her. I know its an over used saying No Contact, but I read so many posts here about people who get hurt and confused when they make contact and get kicked in the teeth. Frustrating in some ways, because if you put as much energy into your own recovery and breaking ALL contact as you do to pining over the ex then your recovery is assured and can be done in a much shorter space of time. Why wait just for time to do its work ? Get active in your own recovery! I have and im starting to feel damn good! Finally I decided Im flying to New York at some point with my Son who is coming over he lives abroad. Its a treat for me and him and a damn site better than Malaga ha ha. Fight the urge to contact somone who is giving you nothing but pain and misery! Onwards. Link to comment
mg22 Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Great Post ! NC has been very beneficial for me also.... your story has a happy ending and that means NC worked wonders for you ! NC is the only cure for the heartbroken dumpees ! Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 Great Post ! NC has been very beneficial for me also.... your story has a happy ending and that means NC worked wonders for you ! NC is the only cure for the heartbroken dumpees ! Agreed and so glad to read its helped you! And yep I think my own story will at some point have the happy ending not quite there yet but well on my way. Can not wait somtimes to see where I will be another 6 months down the line!! Link to comment
mg22 Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Agreed and so glad to read its helped you! And yep I think my own story will at some point have the happy ending not quite there yet but well on my way. Can not wait somtimes to see where I will be another 6 months down the line!! Before i joined ENA i had no idea what NC was all about ! tks to ENA members i stuck to NC 100% iam going 7 months and i plan on going until the day i forget his name ! LOL !! Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Before i joined ENA i had no idea what NC was all about ! tks to ENA members i stuck to NC 100% iam going 7 months and i plan on going until the day i forget his name ! LOL !! oh me too ....oh totally ...never considered it before , it was a shock to come on here and see that the threads regarding NC where almost biblical scriptures.. when I have dumped someone in the past , I just carry on with life ..I have never considered the person I have dumped was on NC to get over it/make me think twice etc etc .. I just never ever thought about it ..this time I was dumped and went NC because he asked me to let him be ..and as much as it kills I have to respect his wishes ..then joining here gave me the strength to do it ... dino love the pic ( I thought I knew you when I saw it) and love the post ..thanks for the inspiration x Link to comment
Moggs Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 oh me too ....oh totally ...never considered it before , it was a shock to come on here and see that the threads regarding NC where almost biblical scriptures.. I agree, this NC thing, Didn't really get it until I found this site, so glad I did... otherwise I would be still be scraping bits of my scrambled self off the floor... its given me a way forward..... and stopped me doing some really silly things.... Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 Before i joined ENA i had no idea what NC was all about ! tks to ENA members i stuck to NC 100% iam going 7 months and i plan on going until the day i forget his name ! LOL !! Ha ha thats the way to go! Right threw until you say "my ex whos that ? " good for you!!!! Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 oh me too ....oh totally ...never considered it before , it was a shock to come on here and see that the threads regarding NC where almost biblical scriptures.. when I have dumped someone in the past , I just carry on with life ..I have never considered the person I have dumped was on NC to get over it/make me think twice etc etc .. I just never ever thought about it ..this time I was dumped and went NC because he asked me to let him be ..and as much as it kills I have to respect his wishes ..then joining here gave me the strength to do it ... dino love the pic ( I thought I knew you when I saw it) and love the post ..thanks for the inspiration x Hi i know what your saying. It can feel impossible at first so unnatural why on earth would we not want to contact the ex to beg plead and humilate ourselves further than we already have been humilated! And yet with the silence is where we find our true power , not for the other but for us. Glad you found somthing in my post Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 NC + No FB is the answer. yup no FB can help if your gripped in stalking mode. I got through that and use FB for friends family ect. Im lucky in that the x is thick as pig shhhiz when it comes to computers and hardly ever used fb but blocked her anyway for life. Wise rule though if tempted to take a peek - close down fb for a while In other ways I really hate fb ha ha. Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Great post Dino. Possibly one of the best ever on the topic of No Contact. I also had never heard that NC was a known "rule" for dumpees until I found this site. But I've always done it naturally as I know from past experience that begging and pleading gets us nowhere, and absolutely diminishes our dignity. Link to comment
Dinocaz Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 Great post Dino. Possibly one of the best ever on the topic of No Contact. I also had never heard that NC was a known "rule" for dumpees until I found this site. But I've always done it naturally as I know from past experience that begging and pleading gets us nowhere, and absolutely diminishes our dignity. Oh my oh my when you talk of begging and pleading I have to win the Top prize on that score. In the space of 1 evening I eroded the final remains of my dignity - ugh I shudder when I think back lol. But yes Ice Cold Zero Contact is actually the only way forward. Some may not agree but hey its worked for me and many others Link to comment
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