Will she feel the same??

[David83]

I was just wondering, me and my girlfriend broke up over 2 weeks ago, and i havent heard from her since, i know i probably wont for a while, because she wants some time to think and she will contact me when she is ready, we broke up over nothing really, just saying that something wasnt there anymore and we need some time apart to realise how much we actually do love each other and how much we love being together, we both told each other that we loved each other more than anything in the world and we even had a big kiss before she drove away in her car, but i am missing her more than ever now, and i know that we are perfect for each other, but we arent together

 

So i was wondering, when i watch the TV, and a programme comes on that we used to watch, all i can do is think aout her and the times when we used to watch it, and when i hear a song that we both used to listen to, all i can do is think about her, and i get upset, same with stupid things like adverts on TV that she used to sing along to, and all of this gets me very upset, and i was wondering, do you think that when she watches these programmes, listens to the music, and even sees an advertisement on TV, do you think that she will be feeling the same as me? and will she be thinking about me?, we were goin out for almost 2 1/2 years and we were engadged, so surely she must think about me right?, considering that she said that she love me more than anything in the world? does this happen very often, and do people often get back together after things like this?, because i've never realised until now, how much i actually do love her and miss her!, i think i love her more now than i ever did when we were together, it just seems to grow stronger the longer we are apart!, if she has asked for time do you think it would be a bad idea to contact her? considering she said she would contact me when she is ready? your help would be very much appreciated, i dont understand how two people can love each other so much and not be together, to me this seems wrong, i know its only been two weeks, and she did say that there is still hope that we will be together again, it will just take time, to sort itself out.

 

my sister broke up with her boyfriend for a month and they used to hate each other and send each other hate mail tellling each other how much they hated each other, and then the next time they saw each other, they remembered how good they were together, and now they have been together for 5 years. i just really hope that next time we see each other we also remember how good we were together and how much we miss it! its just hard not seeing or hearing from here for over 2 weeks, when we used to see or contact each other everyday for nearly 2 1/2 years!

[SwingFox]

Hi David,

 

I am sorry to hear that things are somewhat painful for you. I understand how certain songs and TV showes can make you feel, knowing that she likes them, too.

 

It's hard to say how she feels. Noone really knows, except her. If I might bring up a suggestion: could it be a good idea to give her a call, just to ask her how she is doing and if everything is okay? May be it also could be a good plan to tell her that you do miss her. It will give her the idea, that you are still interested in her. My advice is, though not to push things and may be even leave things at that, but it gave you a chance to hear her voice and to let her know that you are doing okay.

 

I hope that these suggestions were helpful and I wish you strength and good luck the coming period.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Santorini]

hello there,

 

Im sorry to hear that u've broken up with ur gf. But actually, really no one knows if your gf would miss you or not. If she doesn't love u so much as in the past, Or if she doesn't have that feeling anymore, She won't have feeling also even she listens to those songs or watch those programmes. so actually no one knows.

 

I broke up with my ex, i think of him and miss him so much when i think of the things we used to do in the past, the food we used to eat in the past... etc etc. But for him, he won't miss me. For him, these memories are just like some past story of him. So im not sure about your gf.

 

hmm.. i agree with swingfox's suggestion. You can call her and ask how's she doing, or u can say u miss her also. But Remember, don't force her to make any decision, don't keep begging her to get together with you again. Otherwise, she would think u are forcing her and u don't give her space. good luck!

[David83]

Thanks for the help!, i doknow that she loves me, and i know she loves me alot, because she told me before she left, and i phoned her a few times within the first week we broke up and at the end of the call she still said that she loved me, but she just needs time alone to see how she truly feels, and she kept her engadgement ring, becayse she said that she truly thinks that we will be together again someday and that she would love to wear it again, i just hope that this does happen, because i love her more than anything in the world, she is my life, and i am hers, so if we truly are meant to be then we will be back together at some point yes? and if we dont then it was never meant to be, thats what people keep telling me, and people keep telling me that if i leave her alone for a while she will contact me when she is ready, just like she said, but i cant help thinking about what she is feeling, i know that the only person who will truly know what she is feeling right now is her, i just wish she would let me know.

 

The last time i contacted her was over a week ago, and in the call she said that me calling her all the time wasnt helping, because it is not giving her time to miss me, because calling her all the time was starting the process over again, and the last thing i want to do is make her mad, because if i do that then i will definatly blow all chances of us ever getting back together, i just hope that the next time we see each other, we both realise what we are missing!, so i'm gonna have to be strong and let time take its course, because thats all i can really do, because i dont want to contact her again in fear of her resenting me for it.!

[brandos lovechild]

hiya david,i'm sorry your gf has pulled this s hit on you, but take solace in the fact that just about everyone has had this " let's take time out" garbage inflicted upon them at some point in their lives. Bro, i feel for you, because i've been there and i want to give advice that is best for you. Firstly, she has taken the authorative stance in your relationship by saying you need time apart, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE resist the temptation to pick up the phone and tell her you miss her, because in doing that u r admitting guilt ( but u r innocent,she called for time out) and will not be respected by her for doing so. instead you will be boosting her ego and confirming her idea that you can't do without her. The story you told of your sister, that was a success story,do u know y...because neither she nor her bf got needy,they got angry,which is not ideal but definitely preferable. In the end it's down to you..but bro ive seen it so many times wiv couples who take time out,and then one makes it for good, i dont want it to happen to you . THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO NOW IS LEAVE HER ALONE,ALONE,...and then more alone after that...and what is she thinking about during this time..." why the hell isn't he calling me,is he seeing someone new,is he not even hurting?" IF YOU DO ANYTHING..LET HER MAKE THE FIRST COMMUNICATION..AND WHEN SHE DOES..ACT AS IF YOU COULD TAKE HER OR LEAVE HER...DON'T GO GOOEY ON HER,BECAUSE SURE ENOUGH SHE'LL BE TAKING MORE 'TIME OUT'. good luck bro,keep strong.

[SwingFox]

David,

 

I would like to bring one more thing under your attention. Do not wait for too long, since that might just kill yourself. I understand very well that you love this young lady deeply, but I find it very silly that you cannot contact her at all. You do have feelings for her and she has to respect that, too.

 

I always put up MY needs right NEXT to the needs of the woman that I am with. If that means that I need to contact her, because I miss her so much or because I want to hear her voice just to say 'hi', I do it!! If she doesn't understand; bad luck for her!

 

However, this might not work for you. You seem to be very eager to get back together and do anything that would lead to that. I just wanted to point out this point of view, too.

 

I hope this helped you on your way, making the right decisions again and I wish you good luck.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[caliboy]

i had a question for brando about "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE resist the temptation to pick up the phone and tell her you miss her, because in doing that u r admitting guilt ( but u r innocent,she called for time out) and will not be respected by her for doing so."

 

I understand what you're saying, but if you really want to work it out with a girl, wouldn't you want to listen to what problems she had in the relationship, see if she is valid, if they're fixable and if you want to fix them, then let her know you have listened to her concerns, you understand them and possibly agree with them? In other words, being a man and admitting to your mistakes, caring enough to want to fix those mistakes, becoming a better person from it and possibly try and have a better relationship because of it?

[brandos lovechild]

oh jayyysus ! i wrote a massive reply to you caliboy last night,but it was during an invalid session,so it wasn't printed, and i am pissed off bout that !! so im gonna make it as short and sweet as possible. Whatever mistakes david made in the relationship were not serious enough for him to be dumped, he got the ' time out' treatment . thereforeeeeeee, his gf should have had enough integrity to tell him about their problems during the relationship, instead of being so immature and springing this on him !! Secondly, i get the feeling caliboy, you've never had this happen to you ,. when someone says " let's take time out" or " i need to sort my feelings out " or the classic and well-used " i love you too much,i need to take time to realise if i can do without you or not"....NO IF'S OR BUTS, YOUR PARTNER HAS ABOUT AS MUCH INTEREST IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AS FILM PRODUCERS HAVE IN JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME AT THE MOMENT !! That is a whopping great zero interest level. So i guess this is advice for you too caliboy,when a girl feeds you one of those lines, don't pick up the phone and "' become a better person from it'" as you say, let her know that you have a pair of testicles and have a life besides her...as i said in my previous post, she'll respect you all the more for it . All guys out there who are being given the run-around by girls who can't make up their mind if they want you or not... put your life and destiny in your own hands and go out and enjoy yourself. thankyou for your time peeps. 8) p.s did i mention DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[caliboy]

I know what david's going through, cause I'm going through it right now too. The only difference is that my ex and I still talk almost everyday even 5 months after the break up. we're not together, and she never gives any indication that we will be again, yet she'll still tell me she misses me and loves when I say it to her.

 

My ex has told me about our problems, I've told her that I've listened and would like to give it another try, but she just gets angry and says "she has to go". In fact, the other day she said she promised we'd talk about things the following day, and it never happened. I called her on her so called "promise" and she just said she got too busy. It's really messed up.

 

She's taking headshots today and said she'd call me afterwards to tell me how it went, but I'm really pissed off at her and don't really want to even answer her call. I want to give her space (even though we do call each other equally), but I feel like I'm still not giving her that space away from me to genuinely think about things. I remember a couple months ago, when I stopped calling her for a week, and she called me telling me she missed me. I know I need to do this, so I can once and for all find out if she's into it or not.

 

So I know not to call her, but do I also ignore her calls? If I do, I don't want to come accross as the jerk by ignoring her, when after all, she has been calling me half the time. Do I not answer her call, but then return it how much later?

 

I know she still has some feelings for me, cause she tells me. And I'll admit that I've been weak at times, and occasionaly cry while we're on the phone, so do you think the possibility of her and I getting back together are over for good cause of that? Or the fact that we still talk, is that an indication that there still is a chance?

[David83]

The thing is, is that i kinda have this feeling that we will get back together again, but on the other hand i sometimes think that i am fooling myself, but the fact that we both know that we love each other and miss each other is still there for me to hang on to, and she has kept her engagement ring, because she said that hopefully she would love to wear it again, its just gonna take some time, and its not just her that needs time, its the both of us, to see what our true feelings are, so im kind of taking it as a test of how much we do love and miss each other, because we have never really been tested by anything, because we have never had a major argument or nothing, and we separated on good terms, but it doesnt mean that i dont miss her and love her more than ever, because i do, and i know she is missing me and does love me too, as i know her very well and i know what she is feeling, but hearing from her would definatly make me happy, just to hear that she misses me! even though i know she does, but just something inside of me needs proof of that from her!.

 

But i was wondering, do you think that it would be wrong to even send her the odd email telling her about what is happening in my life? even though she has asked for space, and she will contact me in her own time? or do you think this is a bad idea?

[brandos lovechild]

hiya david. i would suggest not sending that email but i know everyone will probs say im a jerk for doin so. i'm not being negative bro, i just honestly believe the ball is in her court now and that an email would not achieve much. . i hear what you are sayin with " we still love and miss eachother" , and alot of ppl still have that for their ex's, but the 'x' factor which makes ppl 'x's ...is that they r no longer 'in love' with eachother. i think perhaps she is having those kind of feelings ! an email won't turn that around...she could fall in love with a more confident and controlled 'you', which is what ive been trying to say from the start..but certain ppl started gettin on my back ?!?! A MORE CONFIDENT AND CONTROLLED YOU isnt gonna send that email , or pick up that phone...cos in the end bro, as hard as it is, it wont do you any favours. good luck 8)

[caliboy]

brando's right. Cause you know as soon as you send the email, she'll have control again, and you'll be sitting there waiting for her to contact you. Damn, girls can make us play their sick games sometimes.

 

Also remember this... a girl doesn't want a needy and depressed guy, she wants a confident and happy guy... the guy you were that she fell in love with. If you were to ever get back with your girl, it's gonna be after you're happy (happy sounding on the phone at least), active, and unbothered by whats going on with the break up.

 

I just read a post from BrokenHeart who went through the same thing we're going through. Although he didn't leave a finally update to how they're doing now, he ended the topic with a post where he sounded happy and in control of the situation. Kinda uplifting - not quite a "get her back" post, but more of a "be happy again and in control" post.

 

brando, when you say "DONT PICK UP THE PHONE", do you mean don't pick up the phone when she calls, or don't pick up the phone to call her?

[brandos lovechild]

don't call her...( ever again if it was me )

[David83]

Well thanks for the help guys!, i wrote an email, but i sat and pondered about sending it, and in the end i didnt, because as you said i would only end up sitting there checking to see if she had replied, so im gonna be confident and controlled! well i will try, and i will see what happens, and just think about it as "If we are meant to be then we will be back together someday" that gives me a happy though to hold onto, i just wish she would hurry up the ballo is in her court now, so im just gonna have to wait and see what develops, just all keep your fingers crossed for us ok and thanks again!

[brandos lovechild]

good for you bro, keep us updated yeah. 8)

[David83]

I will do, i'll keep you updated if i have anymore problems or need to get something off my chest, and i will definatly let you know if she contacts me! i hope she does soon, i miss her loads!

 

Thanks for the help, until the next update