Is this guy a closet case or what?

[bevans3]

Ok bear with me because this will be a little long!

 

On Monday I started an organic chemistry class and it's very small since it's the Summer session so there are about 8 of us. I sat towards the back on the first day and there was this very attractive guy who came in and sat in the front. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him! Anyway the next day I decided to sit in the front as well so I could concentrate and I started feeling his eyes on me. Even in my peripheral vision I saw that he was looking at me so I looked up and our eyes met and that happened a few times throughout the day.

 

It continued like this with the back and fourth glances the entire week and finally on Thursday we spoke. We were both outside on break, he was playing a game on his phone and I was studying for the quiz we had. When he started walking back inside I said to him "is it that time already?" He kinda laughed and said "Yeah I think so I'm not really paying attention I've been playing this game." So as we were walking in we were talking about what would be on the quiz and whatnot and he went ahead and held the door open for me (which was entirely too sweet haha who says chivalry is dead!?) and we went in.

 

On the second break I stayed back to talk to the professor about the material while everyone else went out on break. After I was finished with that, I left the room and guess who was standing out there "looking at the fish tank in the other room"? Haha he came up to me and told me about the fish tank in the other room and I didn't go up to look at it because I really just wanted to go outside and he followed me out. I asked him what his major was and he told me it was nursing (which is mine as well). I asked him if he was going to the school we were taking the chemistry course at and he told me no he's taking it at the university (where I'm going) and that he's starting in the Fall (when I'm starting). So at that point I figured it'd be a good time to ask him what his name was and he told me, and I introduced myself as well and his exact words (which I will never forget) were "nice to finally officially meet you." I don't think anyone's ever said that to me before!

 

Anyway from that point on we were kind of inseparable (the chem class is a LONG class with a lab right after it) so we talked and worked together a lot. He asked me about where I was from and seemed genuinely interested in me. He came and stood next to me and showed me the game he was playing on his phone earlier. My lab partner and I had plans to go out to the gay bar that night and watch the drag show, so I figured eh why not invite him? He said he's never been to a bar before, a gay one at that, and has never seen a drag show but was definitely down with going after he got out of work. He gave me his number pretty quickly, I didn't even have to ask for it haha. He even offered to pick me up so I could drink (which was awesome!) So that was that.

 

Anyway I texted him later in the evening asking if he was still down for going and he said most definitely. But he had forgotten that he promised his other friend that he would hang out with him since we didn't have class the next day so he asked me if it was ok for him to come as well. He said if it wasn't alright with me then that'd be cool. I said "Uh your friend realizes this is a gay bar we're going to right?" And he said that he himself wasn't even sure it was but yeah they were hesitant but as long as they could drink it would be ok. I told him don't worry if anyone tries to hit on you then I'll tell them to back off he's spoken for! And he responded haha right

 

Long story short, when he came to pick me up with his friend, he acted like a completely different person. A moron at that. Everything out of his mouth was gay ass this gay ass that, ****** this ****** that, hot ***** this hot ***** that and I kept reminding them of where we were going and he needed to chill. He apologized but it kinda continued throughout the night anyway. I just basically clung to my lab partner because I was put off. We were kicked out of the gay bar so we went to another bar and that was actually a pretty good experience (or I was just too drunk to care anymore).

 

Anyway that was the end of that night. He dropped me back off at my apartment and I passed out. We've been texting back and fourth since that night and he seems to want to hang out. Today he told me that he was feeling down because of the situation he's in. That he could no longer see the only girl he's ever loved. So I consoled him like I would any other friend although I was kind of like "aw man" on the inside. He told me how much he appreciated everything that I told him.

 

My question is what do you guys think about this situation? I'm 22 and he's 20 and I remember how I felt when I was 20. Definitely insecure and actually I had a girlfriend at the time right before I met the guy I spent two years with.

 

I'm usually pretty good with giving advice about this stuff but I'm stuck on this one. I've never personally encountered someone like him and yeah I guess you could say I have a crush. Maybe he just wants a friend and be close with people in the nursing program we're going into together. Anyway thank you for enduring my rant!

[grainsofrice]

I don't know if this guy a closet or cabinet.

From what I know is this guy isn't serious student. He plays games during class and eyeing on you.

 

Buddy, you need to sit in the front roll with the million dollar view where nothing block your view both emotionally and visually. You just wasted some class concentration time.

 

You seem to be a great student. Plz continue that way and strive for success. Nursing organic is still organic chem regardless

[lukeb]

Yeah it is hard to say, he could be. It does say something about him though that he acted like a douche bag when his other friend was around. You could come out to him, but then that could be it for your friendship, considering how he acted when his other friend was around. I went to college a little older at age 24 and I really liked my roommate, certain things he said when others were around made me think it wasn't safe to come out to him although I wanted to. It wasn't until I was 32 when I did finally come out to my family and friends. I am not sure what ever did happen to my roommate, and that's life. You will always have your family but friends come and go in and out of your life, even guys you have crushes on.

[bevans3]

Yeah it is hard to say, he could be. It does say something about him though that he acted like a douche bag when his other friend was around. You could come out to him, but then that could be it for your friendship, considering how he acted when his other friend was around. I went to college a little older at age 24 and I really liked my roommate, certain things he said when others were around made me think it wasn't safe to come out to him although I wanted to. It wasn't until I was 32 when I did finally come out to my family and friends. I am not sure what ever did happen to my roommate, and that's life. You will always have your family but friends come and go in and out of your life, even guys you have crushes on.

 

I can understand where you're coming from. I'm 22 and he's 20. I've been completely out since I was a freshman in high school, but I am the masculine type. I definitely don't go out of my way to hide my sexuality but I just don't scream gay to most. He already knows that I'm gay, not sure if he's known it from the day we met or if he just knew through conversations we've had and I'd mention something about a past relationship. Either way he's completely cool with me about it and doesn't seem to mind my subtle flirts (like a smiley face or winky face or something... He even returns some back!)

 

I'm starting to wonder if me being masculine and discreet with my sexuality is the reason why I've attracted the more closeted types. I've had a lot of guys who identify as straight interested in experimenting with me. Maybe it's just because I'm really chill too haha I don't know, but it just never fails that I will have a curious guy interested at some point. Obviously I don't want a relationship like that but so far that's who I've been attracting!

[lukeb]

I'm starting to wonder if me being masculine and discreet with my sexuality is the reason why I've attracted the more closeted types. I've had a lot of guys who identify as straight interested in experimenting with me. Maybe it's just because I'm really chill too haha I don't know, but it just never fails that I will have a curious guy interested at some point. Obviously I don't want a relationship like that but so far that's who I've been attracting!

 

I don't think it is being masculine and discrete with your sexuality, what more usually happens in younger guys that it is more like a progression of some sort. Part of that is the whole issue of masculinity that many associate being gay with femininity. That being masculine somehow makes you less gay, certainly not as gay as those "other" gays. It may be you are more attracted to straight curious guys because it makes you feel slightly better about yourself somehow less gay? That didn't happen to me, but it seems to be very common.

[bevans3]

Sort of a quick update!

 

Today we were texting back and fourth. I told him that there was something I wanted to tell him but it should probably wait until I see him in person on Monday and it might freak him out. He wanted to know but wasn't like dying to know, but I felt it right to tell him so I did. I told him I had feelings for him. Didnt get a text back right away but eventually he did answer and said that he was flattered and really appreciated what I said but he "wasn't into that but he really thanked me for letting him know and that we were still cool! I didn't have a chance to answer before he texted me back "just out of curiosity, what makes you feel that way? so i told him everything that I adored about him and he replied "thanks for that, but I'm really none of those things haha"

 

That's all! I'm proud of myself for doing that because I did need to get it off my chest. We're still texting like normal and things will definitely be... Interesting on monday. I'm glad that I did it, I would most definitely not take it back.