Rebuilding After Your Break Up

[Dinocaz]

Have been reading a few posts on here today, got rid of my daughter into town and am about to start work for today. I work from home, not perfect as i dont meet many people but I suppose I have my independance (in more ways than one lol) but it got me thinking about how important it is to rebuild our life post break up.

 

In the early days following a breakup many people actually break down. Health mind and soul can suffer, we eat little or not at all or even too much. We can drink in excess , we have wild mood swings, our work or studys can be really affected. Some people depending on the depth of the situation can suffer loss in more ways than one. Jobs, home, self esteem, confidence. Its a long and bitter list.

 

I know from my own shocking story that my ex certainly had an incredible run of good luck or whatever you want to call it. Met somone with money, had little issue with erazing me and replacing me with the new model. I was left gasping for air. One thing that has helped me on my own road to liberty is finding my way again with my work. Not just for the financial gain (being depressed and emotionally smashed can be marginally easier if we have a few quid in the back pocket) I remember pounding my house and the streets with nothing in my pockets - strange days. But back to here and now, through the hell of the break up I decided to focus when I could on rebuilding. This has helped my self esteem and my confidence. Im still as poor as a carboard box and at times remember the good days when i was riding very high. But step by step im moving forward with my work and plans.

 

I know my ex still views me as a looser, a waste of space, somthing of a joke, How do I know this becuase i hear bits of info that slips out from time to time from friends / family my daughter etc even though they know I dont wanna or dont need to know. But it feels good inside knowing that I KNOW thats not the case. At the start when i got back to working in truth I was doing it in a desperate and pathetic attempt to woo her back. Hoping she would hear Im getting my life back in order - how damn sad is that lol. But over time that changed as I started to focus on me and my own future. I remember feeling it was like a competition on a personal basis as her bf has money etc .... I was trying to compete, I went back to rebuilding in truth for the wrong reasons. But it served a purpose as over time it became more about me and my own goals.

 

These days I could not care less what is said or known about me by my ex or her possy of judgemental friends. I look only at myself and those around me for my own confirmation that Im heading in the right direction - not for the past, not to get somone back but for me. It is SO important to retake the driving seat of your own life even if you dont feel like it, even if it feels impossible. Rebulding is part of moving forwards and onwards. Im not where I want to be yet and it will take me a good year or more even to feel like im on my way to personal success again, but like today I choose not to dwell on the past and instead earn a few quid, put energy and creativity in my future plans and so again make another step forward.

 

Everyone has the power within themselves to do the same we just need to courage to make that first step and then another and then ... with each step it does get easier!

[WhiteTiger]

Thanks for this post.. its really inspiring. I totally hear what you are saying and many of us are motivated to change in the hope that our lousy exes will sit up and take notice.. then slowly you realise that you are happier and that actually you dont need them. Stay strong ..and if you ever need a broke woman.. im here

[Dinocaz]

Thanks for this post.. its really inspiring. I totally hear what you are saying and many of us are motivated to change in the hope that our lousy exes will sit up and take notice.. then slowly you realise that you are happier and that actually you dont need them. Stay strong ..and if you ever need a broke woman.. im here

 

True true we dont need them You wont be "broke" forever

[nutbrownhare]

In many ways after a breakup - especially one we didn't initiate - we are at a crossroads.

 

We can use our pain to tell us about our history and where our vulnerable points are and because the wounds are very raw, it's easy to pinpoint what needs to be healed in ourselves. With professional help if necessary. Even for people who think they have no friends, there's masses of support out there - all the way from crisis counselling, through twelve step programs, to forums like this. We can choose to use and let ourselves be nourished by it, work through all the difficult emotions and end up stronger, wiser people with more to offer.

 

Or we can choose to be victims, and avoid our pain by using alcohol, drugs or another relationship, thereby guaranteeing that the opportunity to grieve and really move on will be further and further away. Sometimes this may be the best (short term) way of coping for some people, so I'm certainly not being judgmental about it.

 

If we cultivate bitter thoughts about our exes - that guarantees we'll feel bitter. That won't help us function in the world. If we attach hateful labels to our exes, that will bind us to them as strongly as if we gave them loving ones. We choose as partners the people who will let us learn the spiritual lessons we need to learn, painful as it is. We choose partners who confirm our already deeply-held beliefs about men, women, relationships - and after a breakup we can decide whether those beliefs need to be revised or not (especially watch out for when we mutter thoughts about 'men' or 'women' - global statements like that will tell us about something that's held deeply in our unconscious, and likely to be a self-fulfilling prophecy).

 

By reopening our old wounds, we become aware of where they are and can genuinely heal, not just from the pain in the present, but the stuff that belongs in the distant past, too.