very sad Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 What I meant is that when you expressed fear that he would think less of you, perhaps you found him too manipulative? He demanded things, or did you just think he demanded things and responded to what you thought he would do, not what he actually did? I'm a bit confused as to why you took 12 years to address this issue, him too actually. But I've heard of this before. Weren't you curious why he didn't want sex with you? I am! Angel No I didn’t find him manipulative. Its was just my head thinking that. I don’t have any explanation why its taken me 12 years. I know I shouldn’t be harping on this but I really thought we had an understanding. When I asked him why he didn’t say anything ? He said ‘I guess my personality is not to rock the boat’. I didn’t look at it that he didn’t want to have sex with me because when we have sex, he is very passionate and adventurous. Link to comment
FairyGodmother Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I think there is too much focus on the past; yes, you made a mistake in allocating too much time to your son and not enough to your husband, but that's really not the point anymore. What you really want is to try and salvage your marriage. Since your husband is away for 3 months, I think that now would be a good time to work on yourself. Continue hobbies that you may have neglected in order to care for your son (going to the gym, taking a pottery class, going to karaoke night with your friends etc). Build yourself up, so that you have interesting things to tell your husband about when he calls. That way he knows you are trying to make a change by letting your son be more independent whilst you do things for yourself, and will see that you are actually doing something to change the situation. In addition, if it unfortunately doesn't work out with your husband, you have a head start on the road to recovery - reaching out to your friends and finding hobbies you enjoy to take your mind off the situation are key to healing! When your husband comes back, do some of your new found hobbies together - out of the house and without your son. You should have at least one night a week where you do this, preferably two. However, you don't want your son to feel neglected either so make sure you go out and do something as a family at least one night a week as well! I agree that you should act toward your husband as if he were you boyfriend - many people find the chase a thrill and perhaps this will bring back the romance that once united you two. Don't be excessively clingy, but don't ignore him either! Good luck! Link to comment
very sad Posted July 5, 2012 Author Share Posted July 5, 2012 thanks for the advice FairyGodmother Link to comment
very sad Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 Don't be excessively clingy, but don't ignore him either! Good luck! Thought I asked. what to avoid so I dont show him that I am clingy ? Is sending him email expressing my feelings clingy ? Link to comment
FairyGodmother Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 No, emailing him is fine - as long as it is just to express your feelings and not to bombard his inbox with daily updates on random things that don't have much importance. Communication is the key to reconciliation, so an email is a great place to start! Link to comment
very sad Posted July 6, 2012 Author Share Posted July 6, 2012 thanks again FairyGodmother Link to comment
very sad Posted July 9, 2012 Author Share Posted July 9, 2012 Just like to give an update, he has been away for 1 week now and he called twice. We spoke with our son and we also had a chat. It was like chatting with a friend Im just wondering what else I could do to make him attracted to me while he is away on a 3 month trip. The only communication we have is when he calls home. I could email him though. So far he has not responded to my emails. He said that he hasnt got internet connection yet but will get soon. Link to comment
becomingkate Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 If it were me, I would make it my mission to seduce him. And by "seduce" I mean to win over; attract; or entice. What did he love about you when you were first dating? What things did you do together that he really enjoyed? When was the last time you wrote him a love letter? The Grand Gesture I truly believe in the Grand Gesture when it comes to relationships. Some people do not, and I respect that, but it has always won me over. For example, early in my relationship with my late husband, he didn't have a vehicle and we lived 60 miles apart. On certain days, he would have to get up at 5:30 am, run over to his friends house (who was attending college in my city), catch a ride with him to the college, wait for a city bus to take him downtown, then walk from the terminal to my apartment, arriving a little after 8 a.m. He used to say it was worth it just to see me for a few hours! Eight years ago, my now-husband went to great lengths to fly the 5,000 Km so he could spend the weekend with me - once he took a temp welding job out in the bush just so that he could be here with me on my birthday. I think that you need to make a grand gesture. Do you have family nearby? Can your son stay with family so that you can go spend a weekend with your husband? I think it would really help! Link to comment
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