Not being someone's type..

[ay0_x]

I am constantly worried, scared, and feeling inadequate. If I see someone I like's ex; I fret over how they look nothing like me, I worry about how they could be attracted to me when they've been with someone who looks like that. When sex or affection is delayed I always feel like it's my fault, like if I was more their type, they wouldn't be able to get enough of me. But I'm not blonde, or white, or blablabalbala insert more things that I'm not...

 

I don't know how to deal with this.. Does anyone ever feel this way? How do I deal with this? My boyfriend has always dated white girls in the past, models, promoters etc.. We've been seeing each other a month and a bit.. He's told me that he usually sleeps with girls about two weeks after knowing them.. and all we've done is make out. That's been his decision.. and I feel horrible.

[lostgirl123]

you shouldn't let your insecurity get into the relationship. he chose to be with you for a reason, and it's good that he's taking it slow. maybe from his past experience relationships failed because he always rushed into things? i would worry if you guys were dating for three months + and he still hasn't made a move.

[Gilson]

My recent ex always said how she thinks she looks nothing like the type of woman she imagined me with.

 

I didn't know what to say other than basically there are certain looks or types I find completely unatractive, everyone else is attractive for different reasons.

 

I'm white and I don't specifically look for white women. Perhaps I don't approach non-whites. But if someone not-white approached me, I could just as easily be attracted to them as I could anyone else - with that said, there does seem to be some ethnic groups I'm not attracted to

 

On the other hand - there is a Caribbean-black chick who keeps looking at my Match profile. Though she's very attractive and well rounded, I don't think I'd date her unless she approached me. I find black woman intimmidating, maybe for no good reason. Besides, my oldest sister lives with a black man, I just think it'd look kinda funny

[itsallgrand]

I really think you need to deal with this - with or without current boyfriend, doesn't matter. For you! It'll drive you crazy.

 

Here is one way to look at it. And on days where I feel like I am invisible or just "blah", I remind myself of this. It really helps.

 

Take a look around. Go somewhere where there a lot of different people. Look at all the attractive people. Notice what is attractive, physically, about them. Now I'll get specific - the other day was a "blah" day for me so I have this fresh in my mind. There were these beautiful African women there. Tall, lanky limbs, gorgeous faces. Looked nothing like me - opposite, but gorgeous! There also was this beautiful white woman who was blonde with nice curvy body and average height. Again, didn't look like me at all. There were Indian women there. One lady was sooo sophisticated looking, so pretty with a long nose and flowing black hair and dark skin.

 

I'm none of those things, but I like how I look and feel beautiful most of the time. Why I go into all that is : imagine that I was feeling insecure about how I look and if others would find it attractive. Now, there were all those different beauties, and the men were noticing all of them. I noticed all of them. One didn't take away from the other. The uniqueness and variety exists and it will always be that way. Even if you were your ideal : what you consider "perfect" (if you have some idea of that which is concrete and feel you do not compare to that, which you should stop by the way!). But even if you were that ideal, there would still be all sorts of beautiful people who are different.

 

So what are you going to do? Transform and morph every time someone shows an interest in beauty that isn't what you have? You know?

 

Realizing this helps me because it is futile to strive for some "target" because the target is ever changing, different, and evasive. There is no target! There is no ideal!

 

You have your own unique beauty and all you can do at the end of the day is appreciate that in yourself and work it. Feel no need to apologize for it either.

[WhenWillILove]

There are many beautiful black women out there and I don't think there's a point in comparing yourself to the white women.

Tyra Banks is beautiful. So is Megan Fox. And Lucy Liu. Looks are subjective, but like a previous boyfriend said, "Hot is hot. You can't say one hot is better than the other hot. It's just a different type of hot." Not sure if that made sense.....

[ay0_x]

Hey guys thanks for the replies.

 

I do realise this is something I need to deal with. Its a recurring theme early on in most of my relationships.

 

Just to clarify, I'm middle eastern and so is he. All his exs have been white, and he has mentioned that everyone is surprised hes dating a middle eastern girl. A lot of middle eastern men screw around with women of other races, and then when it comes to commitment they settle down with a Nice Arab Girl...aaaand then cheat on her with their real type. The lack of action, so to speak, is worrying me that this may be the case. There's a lot of reasons to wait to have sex.. there's a lot of reasons to respect me... I dont want race to be one of them. He calls me "innocent" a lot.. I'm not.. I have a rather moderate amount of experience for my age ( I think ?) But I guess compared to him I am (he asked me my number then refused to tell me his)