Meeting with the ex this weekend...

[kts]

Hi all! Any tips would be extremely helpful! I won't go into extreme detail here, you can read my other thread for the whole story (: (help! I want to have hope)

 

Anyways to summarize:

My ex and I we're together for almost two years and we broke up early this May. He had a concussion in March and was diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome right before we broke up. He went kind of depressed and became really emotionally unstable and would overreact to the tiniest of issues. When we broke up he said he doesn't want to make this a permanent decision right now with his brain all muddled but at the same time couldn't make any promises either. He'd been under a lot of pressure, and with the concussion everything became completely exaggerated and worse! He gave me a lot of signs that he hopes too that we will be able to work it out. There have been some great signs sense, he texted me on my birthday, his mom (she's been updating me on his therapy) said he told his dad he didn't want to hook up with anyone because he couldn't do that to me. And other small things that his mom has been letting me in on. I haven't spoke to her in about three weeks.

 

So anyways, we had already picked this date to talk when we broke up, but I'm really nervous. I texted him to let him know that I just wanted to talk and wasn't looking for a final decision, something someone suggested on this forum actually! But I'm not really sure what I should really be trying to do! I'm nervous and I know that I eventually want him back but I'm having mixed thoughts sometimes. Thinking things like if he did this once he'll do it again, or he just walked out its not worth it, or that I don't need him anymore.

 

I know I don't need him in my life anymore, but I still want him. I want to keep living the way I have been, I've been doing really well and have kind of rediscovered myself. I want to share this with him though. I want to take things really slow with him and I'm just afraid of rejection. Does anyone have any tips or experience with things like this? We been basically NC for 7 weeks, besides the two texts I mentioned.

 

Sorry this turned out to be so long!! Please help me!!

[hadronznight]

I would just stay far far away.

[RFB]

Just play it cool and listen to what he has to say. Take your cues from him. If he doesn't talk relationship, don't get into that. It will just blow up in your face.

 

That being said, after the conversation, if it doesn't go anywhere besides polite chit chat, I'd just keep moving on as if he wasn't coming back. Waiting for someone to change their mind is wasted time.

[Coconut Twin]

Best thing to do, like many have said to myself is, to listen. , be calm, collected, emotions in check, rational mind in check and hopefully things will go swimmingly.

 

In your last post you seemed still quite emotional which is natural with it being early days, but it seems you've been focusing on healing and "rediscovering" yourself since, which of course is VERY important when meeting with an ex to talk. He too, as you said in your last post has been going to therapy since the "concussion". I really hope, you've both worked on yourselves significantly since the break. On the otherhand, I personally think it's too soon to meet up if it was a month since the break, but that's just personal preference and each individuals circumstance is different.

 

Just interested to know when he decided to check out of the relationship - was it before or after the concussion?

[kts]

Thanks for the feedback (:

 

RFB - I agree with the keeping it cool! That's my main goal!!

 

CrannyFadock - It's been seven weeks so almost two months, and prior to the actually break up, he was "taking time" to himself. We officially broke up a little less then 2 months after the concussion. That being said he was never the same after the concussion. After about two weeks after things started to get pretty bad on his end. We got into fights about things that were literally not an issue before the concussion where he said he needed time to himself. So for about six out of seven weeks we weren't actually speaking, granted one of those weeks he was on vacation and couldn't call me. So he "checked out" from the relationship after the concussion. His parents were really concerned about him and told him they wanted to get him help which is what they did.

 

I'm hoping he's had enough time, now that he's out of school and a lot of his other previous stressors aren't an issue anymore that he has had the time to heal from his concussion. After some research things like this really only heal with time, so I'm not expecting him to be perfect yet. I have a new way of thinking about our relationship too! I think we were far to dependent and involved in each others live so I don't want to go back into that! I want a new, definitely more mature, and independent relationship!