She's just contacted me...

[rich46]

A text message saying "hi, this is my new number x hope you are ok x"

 

I was fearing this. Now my heart is racing all over again! Should I reply? Been about 4 weeks no contact.

 

Help! Quick responses appreciated...

 

Rich

[LTLFan]

if your doing fine without her, then stay as you are... if you want to be back with her and perhaps have the same kind of relationship, yes, reply back.

[DopeStar]

I would wait a day or two to call her, and thats only if you want her back. If your life is better without her. lose her number immediately.

[rich46]

I would wait a day or two to call her, and thats only if you want her back. If your life is better without her. lose her number immediately.

No way am I gonna call her. If I reply it's just gonna be to say "thanks." I don't want her to know how I'm doing, but I don't wanna appear rude either. Such an insignificant text message causes such confusion! This is why I always recommend no contact!

 

Thing is, since we last had contact I've decided to go backpacking in february to new zealand for 6-12 months. So getting back together is not an option (highly unlikely anyway!).

 

What does everyone think to a simple reply saying "thanks"?

 

Rich

[LTLFan]

why not, "Thanks, have a nice day"

better then thanks i think.

[DopeStar]

Dont bother, drop the whole thing including her number.

[JohnnyTable]

She obviously wants you to contact her.

 

If you don't want to, then don't. Erase the message and move on.

[LTLFan]

if she dumped you, she wants you back, basicley, i would say no. i mean its been awhile for you and you seem happy,

 

i know this post is like 100 percent diffrent from my last, but i forgot to mention this part

[rich46]

if she dumped you, she wants you back, basicley, i would say no. i mean its been awhile for you and you seem happy,

 

i know this post is like 100 percent diffrent from my last, but i forgot to mention this part

She doesn't want me back, she wants to keep me just in touch enough. What she doesn't know is that I am going away for at least 6 months in february to the other side of the world! By the way, we live about 100 miles apart so there's no other chance of contact...

 

Thanks for your comments...keep them coming!

 

Rich

[kungfumaster]

Hi Richgabe,

 

I think you should not even respond, but if you do, be curt as one of the posters said already above: something like "Thanks, I'm doing good".

 

One month NC is still not enough I think. Wait 'til after you come back from backpacking - yah - by that time, my guess is you'll be 99% healed. I waited 9 months, and AFTER a trip to Japan and Korea. Let me tell yah - NC + trip really helped me. And when I did re-contacted her, it was very friendly and cordial. Nothing was there anymore than just the feeling of good wishes from both sides, so it was nice. It takes time. It takes time to see yourself and the relationship, and the mistakes, the good things, all of it, and to realize why it would not have worked out. Let time be your friend now. Take it out for dinner and movie. Give her some roses

 

Take care.

Kung fu

[kungfumaster]

Ooops, I meant rich46

[CarterJonas]

I wold keep it brief and simple, especially if she broke up with you. Let her do the chasing, if that what her motive is! Something like ok thanks would be ok.

[Scout]

Without knowing the circumstances of your break-up, I don't know what to advise.

 

If it was a terrible break up and she was horrible to you, then don't respond. Why does she have a new number? Did she move? If so, you could always text back (if the break up wasn't horrible): thx, enjoy ur new place

 

And leave it at that!

[JohnnyTable]

I also agree that it is okay to respond with something like, "Hey, thanks."

 

But do not call.

[rich46]

Without knowing the circumstances of your break-up, I don't know what to advise.

 

If it was a terrible break up and she was horrible to you, then don't respond. Why does she have a new number? Did she move? If so, you could always text back (if the break up wasn't horrible): thx, enjoy ur new place

 

And leave it at that!

Scout, she was talking about getting a new number before she split up with me. It's just a new mobile number. I've calmed down a bit now and I'm gonna reply in a bit with a simple "Thanks, I'm doing fine" or something similar. It wasn't a horrible break up at all, but I told her we had to do NC as I couldn't handle being 'best friends' with her as I wanted more...

 

Thanks a lot for your replies!

[Scout]

Then maybe you could type:

 

thx, will give you a call one of these days

 

 

...And then leave it at that. If somewhere down the road you want to chat with her, you can, but don't do it anytime soon until you're ready.

[CarterJonas]

I agree with you that it it is virtually impossible to be friends with your ex. especially if you want something more from the relationship, it just prolongs the heartache. As you say just keep it polite and simple.

[DopeStar]

thx, will give you a call one of these days

 

 

ooooohhhhhhh I like this one, if it wasn't a bad break up but your hurt, this one leaves you in charge. This way your the one who can make the descision of when to call or not.

[rich46]

Thanks everyone! I did reply with a simple "Thanks, I'm doing good" and she replied with a "good x"

 

So that's that! Hopefully she won't contact me again for a while.

 

Scout and DopeStar, I'm gonna have to disagree with your last bit of advice. Basically, I don't want to be in charge!

 

Soon after our break up, I told her that I couldn't be friends with her as it was too painful for me. I told her that I'd call her when I felt more ready. Well, 3 weeks of complete NC passed and rather than it healing me, I spent the whole time worrying about when to initiate contact, why she hadn't broke down and called me, etc. So I called her and we talked for about 20 minutes, and I'll admit we both cried and it was emotional because I was basically letting her go and telling her to only contact me should she want to discuss 'us' or have any regrets.

 

Now I know a lot of people on here would criticise me for "giving the power back" or whatever, but it was the best thing that I ever did! I knew that she knew how I felt, and I felt like the whole world had been lifted off my shoulders. Since that call about 5 or 6 weeks ago, I have made so much progress it is untrue. Started a college course, got a new job, joined a gym, and decided to go backpacking to NZ in february.

 

I don't have to worry about what to do, when to call, how I should act etc. She knows how I feel and what to do should she have any regrets.

 

I'll stop rambling in a minute, but my point is that I don't want to have the pressure of being the one in control, so to speak. I've got everything off my chest (closure I suppose) and I can truly move on without any regrets or worries about what to do next...The ball is in her court!

 

Thanks again everyone, and sorry for the panic! The heart was racing for a while there, but now it's back on the road to recovery!

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[LTLFan]

i would like to know what NC means?

[skydiver]

No Contact

[fantasia2004]

RICH46 iF YOU FEEL IN YOUR heart to contact her and to see what she is up to then do so . Otherwise keep it brief or don't call her at all and when if you do call, let her speak and and you must give very litttle info about your progress in life you are not the enquirer

[savannahohsavannah]

You don't know that she even wants to get back with you! My guess is that she doesn't, but she wants to be on polite and civil terms. I think you are probably a little on the wild side, aren't you? A 6 to 12 month backpacking trip sounds like something a wild man does. If you truly are 23, I'd say make it six weeks and then come home and do something truly ADULT. Like getting a job.

[holaguys]

Hi rich

 

I would say dont call her. If she is really interested she will call you again. She will wonder whats up with you.

Act indifferent!

If you call she might lose the interest. Dont make her feel you are still hung up on her.

[kungfumaster]

Fantasia! - I love it - the enquirer - I just died laughing - sometimes - you say the most hilarious things and I don't know where you get them!! haha! Hope you're doing well.

 

No, but seriously, go back packing Rich - I respectfully disagree with savannahohsavannah's advise - go for as long as you want - trust me - adulthood can wait. I could only go on vacation for a month because I'm working full time, and I wish I had gone for longer. As a single man, adulthood pays the bills, but that's about it. A vacation/backpacking - whatever time off - is good for the soul, and hence, good for healing. Backpacking = you time = investing in yourself and broadening your experiences = healing and growing.

 

Take care.

Kung fu