Can Males and Females Really be Just Friends?

[Princess777]

I don't know if this has been discussed properly and I couldn't find it if it was, and I know others in the forum were interested in talking about this. Like in the movie When Harry Met Sally, I wish to discuss the topic that Can men and women can really be just "friends" or does one of them inevitably HAVE to have a sexual attraction to the other?

 

My opinion is that women can definitely have male friends that they are not sexually attracted to, (I have been friends with guys and I swear I really, really don't ever want to have sex with them) and I find that they are just funny or smart or whatever, and I enjoy their company, just as I would another female with the same attributes. But I find it difficult to believe that any man would want to INSTIGATE a plutonic friendship with a girl that they were not sexually interested in, because of their genetic makeup. Please tell me, guys, if this is not correct!!!

 

I am curious to know if any guys out there have ever INSTIGATED a friendship with a female that they would not ever have sex with in a million years. I don't think it counts as a male/female friendship for a guy if the girl instigated the relationship.......The reason I use the key word "instigate" is because I've never known a man to be friends with a girl they wouldn't want to get in the sack with.....

 

Please comment!

[swedeace]

I have recently become interested in researching the subject of cross-sex friendships, and I found this quite lengthy PDF research dealing with advantages and disadvantages of these types of friendships. It touched up a bit on your question, too, about the non-sexual/sexual feelings. Here's the URL:

 

sorrel.humboldt.edu/~jgv1/319Web/examples/Cross%20Sex%20Friendship.pdf

 

Maybe this will help....

[drahcir]

I have become friends with lots of girls, and with most of them I have never even considered sex. Firstly I don't plan on having sex until marrriage, but even so its something I think about very very rarely. I would never become "friends" with a girl just so i could have sex with her.

 

There are many reasons why guys want to be friends with girls, but here I will share just a few of the reasons why I enjoy having many friends as girls. I like the fact that many of the girls are empathetic, understanding, fun, and are willing to give hugs. Being hugged is something really important to me personally. Also, I can be a friend to a girl in ways I can't be a friend to another guy: I can protect her, comfort her, listen to her, and be have a relationship that is close but not sexual.

[ComputerGuy]

Yes they can. I have a very close frend who I talk to about stuff I cant talk to anyone else about, and she talks to me about stuff she wont talk to anyone else about, but what we share never goes beyond friendship. We actually discussed that topic once, and we both came to the agreement that neither of us would date the other....ever.

[Cecelius]

I think for most men the point is that there is RARELY a time that, if the moment came up, they would elect not to have sexual contact with a female friend. In HS and college, I ended up hooking up with most of my female friends, whether I wanted to date them or not. Sometimes, they liked me in romantic ways, sometimes they did not, sometimes they had b/fs and were cheating on them and still didn't have romantic thoughts about things.

 

This is why men have to take a view on their g/f's male friends: It is axiomatic for most men that your g/f's male friends would have sex with her if they could, simply to do it.

 

Without evaluating other factors (they would but they like you, they would but they won't help someone cheat, they would but they would be cheating, they would but... something else), there is no trusting other men unless you have an affirmative reason to do so.

 

This is why there are so many posts on here about g/fs hanging with other men -- either she doesn't know what people are like or she doesn't care.

[Imconfused]

I have several frineds that are girls, and really only one I like. There is nothing wrong with any of them at all. But none really grab my interest. Even if they were to ask or it were to some how come up, I know I wouldn't want anything more then a friendship... well except from one of them but she is my topic in many other posts.

[OldGuy]

I have a woman friend that I intentionally became friends with, that I have no sexual interest in. She is married and so am I, we work together.

 

We occasionally discuss kids (mine are grown, she has two in elementry) and familys. We commiserate about being computer support for our spouses. She knows and speaks to my wife and I know and speak to her husband.

 

She is smart and pretty. But, I really have no sexual interest in her.

 

When I was younger I often liked to have an older woman for a friend, women are just easier to talk to about certain things.

 

I have to tell you though that I do not think that a man and a woman can "just be friends" after they have been a couple. I have just never seen that work.

[Princess777]

Interesting replies. I am glad to know that it can exist on a plutonic level through a man's eyes, but how many of you men have had long lasting (over several years) friendships with these women as a result of YOU pursuing the friendship and her not pursuing you to keep the friendship alive? This ought to be interesting....

 

I wonder too, what is considered a "friend" to a man who has a "friend" who is female? My definition of friend is not sombody that I may talk with either at work or at a specific group or function. I "friend" to me is someone with whom I discuss intimate details of my life in confidence, and I know it will go no further, and I could call this person on the phone at any time, day or night, or go to their home just the same, and they wouldn't mind and it is just understood because the friendship is mutual. It also has to go both ways, and it continues on a regular basis. Not just every once in awhile. I could also ask this person for anything and know that they would be there for me. That's what I consider a friend. Anyone else I classify as an acquaintance......

 

Please, more viewpoints!

[OldGuy]

Well, Princess, by your definition I have no friends other than my wife. Fortunatlly for me, I have a broader definition. A friend is someone I share a part of my life with.

 

For example, I have a friend that is a woman, that is going to come visit this weekend. Her husband may come or may not. I helped her by doing wiring on her house, she is going to help me hang sheet rock. I know a lot about her relationship with her husband and she and my wife share secrets. I think she is a good friend.

 

But she is not someone that I would feel confortable "calling on the phone at any time" nor would I show up at her home unannounced.

 

On the other hand I have a guy friend that I would call to bail me out of jail. But I don't talk to him about my sex life, or even much about my family life, mostly we talk about computers, tools and such.

 

I don't know it this helps you in your question, but I guess I have a different view of what a friend is.

[Day_Walker]

Is it possible for a man to instigate being completley platonic friends with a female, yes that can happen and i have seen it happen. However the caviat is attraction, if he is attracted to her sexually then you can tell where his motives lie. Personally i dont believe that men and women can ever really be friends. There are certain lines that friends dont cross, while a female she may only see a guy as a friend but he may like her (or vice versa). You cannot be interested in a friend the way i choose to define it, now this goes for either party, if one person is interested in the other then its not a friendship, it turns into one of those waiting for the right moment situations.

[drahcir]

--i am close friends with a girl named Shirlene, and have been for 2 years, and i have been the one pursuing the relationship....though she does too...

 

some people say all guys who want girls as friends as doing for some sexual reason, but i find this claim illogical and unsupported by evidence. All the guys I know at least are friends with girls and have absolutely no sexual interest in them. THey become friends with girls because they want to be comforted, listened to, and want someone fun to be with. This is esp. true when one considers that many of the girls they are friends with are not physically attractive...if their motive was sexual, then they would pursue someone more attractive. But they don't, which shows they want an empathetic and listening friend, regardless of who she is..............

 

"Interesting replies. I am glad to know that it can exist on a plutonic level through a man's eyes, but how many of you men have had long lasting (over several years) friendships with these women as a result of YOU pursuing the friendship and her not pursuing you to keep the friendship alive? This ought to be interesting...".

[Lily04]

sure, it's completely possible if you're not compatible in that certain way that allows for a sexual relationship. One of my friends is just a cool, lack-back guy from the Caribbean who has lots of friends who are girls, and a girlfriend, and we get along fine as friends. It all depends on personality..and some ppl. are just more friendly than others as well.