How to ask out a co worker

[jul-els]

Ever done it? How'd you go about it? I'm in a small office, have had pretty much no outside of work related contact with this girl, and I was just gonna shine it on, but this crush is too much. I have to at least ask. In the outside world, no prob, just ask. But here it's weird, I'm pretty sure she's interested in me, but how do I ask without making it awkward or anyone else's business? I've gotta try, just never asked out a co worker not sure of the best way to go about it. Any constructive advice, tips or pointers will be much appreciated.

[chickydoodle]

pass her a note?

 

I did once and said

 

" can you guess what I would like to ask you"?

" would you say yes?"

"would you be discreet?"

 

He said 'yes'.......

[jul-els]

pass her a note?

 

I did once and said

 

" can you guess what I would like to ask you"?

" would you say yes?"

"would you be discreet?"

 

He said 'yes'.......

 

A note, huh? Interesting. Food for thought. Thanks! Anyone else have any helpful suggestions? Also chickydoodle, did you guys have a lot of interaction before the note? Just curious.

[Habibi]

i wouldnt stress much about it, specially if you know she is into you.

a simple "what are you doing this friday ?" will do and build it from there.

if you are already this worked up your date will flop, seriously.

and before you regret it : kiss her the first date or she will lose interest.

and yes, i dated lots of co-workers...they operate same way than rest of female population

[jul-els]

i wouldnt stress much about it, specially if you know she is into you.

a simple "what are you doing this friday ?" will do and build it from there.

if you are already this worked up your date will flop, seriously.

and before you regret it : kiss her the first date or she will lose interest.

and yes, i dated lots of co-workers...they operate same way than rest of female population

 

"What are you doing this friday", doesn't really work. That's too much like a date. I just want to ask her to lunch or coffee. I'm just trying to find the smoothest way of doing it without rocking the boat. The note idea is an interesting one. I could just email. Thing is we haven't had much non-work related interaction, so I'm looking for a smooth way to make a transition from just work. I know how females operate and I'm perfectly capable of handling myself around them, I've just never dated or asked out a co worker before.

[chickydoodle]

A note, huh? Interesting. Food for thought. Thanks! Anyone else have any helpful suggestions? Also chickydoodle, did you guys have a lot of interaction before the note? Just curious.

 

We flirted. There was a lot of sexual tension. I just wanted to sleep with him.

 

A note is romantic/exciting . -and she can communicate her answer with a nod/gesture or mouth a simple yes or no?

 

It is something she can quickly put in her pocket and read later.........and it is more courageous than an email.

[jul-els]

We flirted. There was a lot of sexual tension. I just wanted to sleep with him.

 

A note is romantic/exciting . -and she can communicate her answer with a nod/gesture or mouth a simple yes or no?

 

It is something she can quickly put in her pocket and read later.........and it is more courageous than an email.

 

Ah I see, that's what it sounded like to me as well. My interest is not purely sexual, and we really haven't flirted much at all to speak of. I could just slide her a note asking her to lunch or something though. Not sure if I want to risk it at work. Thinking about it.

[abitbroken]

Tread carefully. You have to see this person whether you go out or she rejects you. I would personally not ask out a coworker. But that is just me.

[jul-els]

Tread carefully. You have to see this person whether you go out or she rejects you. I would personally not ask out a coworker. But that is just me.

 

Yep. This is the code I've always follwed. It makes good sense. I've just gotten bit by the bug. But I can ignore it if I want to. That would probably be the wisest thing to do. Do I want to be wise? Hmm...

[chickydoodle]

Maybe sit on it for a bit longer. Wait for more signals from her?

[doneitagain]

just say 'you have anything good planned for the weekend then?' in conversation when its getting toward the end of week.

 

If she say's no, then just say...'well if you're out in town friday night, ill be out having drinks with friends; come say hello' say it kinda cheekily!

 

If she says she does have something good planned for the weekend, then you know it's not a good time to ask her on a date anyway.

 

just be confident but not cocky.

[SuperDuper]

If you allow things to get awkward, then they will. In the end, whether she ultimately accepts or rejects your advances, it shouldn't affect your behaviour greatly. I'd suggest you sit on this crush for another week or so and meanwhile try to work in some conversations that transcend outside the workplace. Once there's a small foundation of familiarity between the two of you that goes beyond simply "co-workers".. then she'll likely be more responsive to your invitation.

 

The invite itself should be very casual and a group setting. Perhaps even arrange for multiple co-workers to meet up at X bar on Friday night after work and tell her she's invited with a little grin on your face. Or if you'd prefer your own friends to be there, then suggest she meet you at a pub or something with some of her friends, not a big deal!

[jul-els]

If you allow things to get awkward, then they will. In the end, whether she ultimately accepts or rejects your advances, it shouldn't affect your behaviour greatly. I'd suggest you sit on this crush for another week or so and meanwhile try to work in some conversations that transcend outside the workplace. Once there's a small foundation of familiarity between the two of you that goes beyond simply "co-workers".. then she'll likely be more responsive to your invitation.

 

The invite itself should be very casual and a group setting. Perhaps even arrange for multiple co-workers to meet up at X bar on Friday night after work and tell her she's invited with a little grin on your face. Or if you'd prefer your own friends to be there, then suggest she meet you at a pub or something with some of her friends, not a big deal!

 

I don't drink, so that won't work for me. I think I'm best off just letting this one fade into oblivion. It's just easy to get preoccupied when you see the person everyday. Plenty more out there that I don't work with. The insights I seem to be getting here make me think I may be better served just letting it go. Thanks.

[jul-els]

Update. She got let go last week. It happened on Friday afternoon while I was out of the office. I came back and she was gone. Makes sense because she never seemed to me to be too focused on her work. Anyway, if I would have seen her before she left, I would have let her know that I was interested. Since that wasn't possible, I found her on facebook, created an account for myself and left her a message saying I was sorry about what happened and I also told her I would like to hang out sometime and asked for her number.

 

I was cleaning out her cubicle a couple days later and found she left some things behind. An expensive looking sweater and a book full of a lot of CD's. I took it upon myself to ship these to her and included a little note saying I thought she would want these things and telling her to check her facebook for a message I left for her.

 

She never really knew I was interested in her before this. It's a really weak way to show my interest as far as I'm concerned and not the way I would normally do it, but in this case I didn't have an option. I wanted to at least take a shot, however slim it might be. What would you girls think of a guy who approached you in this way? You think I have any kind of shot? I'll find out soon enough, I just wondered what your opinions were.

[Steve55]

Well, at least you don't have to worry about a co-worker relationship issue anymore

 

I'm not a girl, but I think what you did was nice and I hope she sees it that way too. If a woman did that for me, I'd be impressed.

[jul-els]

Well, at least you don't have to worry about a co-worker relationship issue anymore

 

I'm not a girl, but I think what you did was nice and I hope she sees it that way too. If a woman did that for me, I'd be impressed.

 

So true! I just wish I would have got her number before she left.

[Steve55]

Hmmmm, well, hopefully she will see the note and check FB.

 

You deserve a thanks at least.