I feel so stupid...

[fallen]

I just made a mistake..I was obsessed with this guy for the longest time. I met him over the summer at my college (we were in the same class.) One day he sat beside me & we got in a conversation about an upcoming essay which went on for quite some time..we were still talking for about 20 mins after class ended actually. I thought there was a chemistry between us but I was wrong..I didn't know he had a girlfriend. He gave me his e-mail address & phone # if I ever wanted to talk about any more assignments..it was all innocent. We talked a bit more before the final exam over the phone, and I felt such an attraction for him although he seemed pretty neutral on the other end, thinking back. ANYWAYS, I sent him an e-mail a few days ago telling him that I had feelings for him (since we don't have any classes together I thought I might not see him again) and if he wants to meet, as we never had much time to get to know each other in class..I also sent him a friendly message about my classes and asked how his were doing..just to make conversation I guess.

 

In any case, I just received a reply from him saying that he has a girlfriend, was never interested & can't believe I interpreted that as anything more than just being friendly. He also never commented on my other stuff. It was really brief. Now I just feel really really stupid. Mainly because I've never had a boyfriend before and thought that I might have actually found someone. I just feel so depressed..I thought my feelings were somewhat justified but the way he put the e-mail just makes me feel like such an idiot. I also feel stupid because I should have realized he really was too good for me from the beginning..he's an athlete at school, on student government, has an amazing personality, great looks, along with straight As and is applying for grad school this year. I'm sure lots of girls hit on him..

 

I just feel so dejected. It's hard enough for me to meet people I think I click with, nevermind those I actually do.

 

I don't really know why I wrote this, sorry for the length. I guess any advice for getting over this stupid slump would help..I don't really care if I bump into him by chance again, I can act confident & such as I usually am.. but right now I feel really broken because I liked this guy so much and now see how pointless and stupid it was..that he wouldn't have liked me in any case..ugh I just can't concentrate on anything right now (I should be studying and none of my friends are online.)

 

Thanks in advance..

 

fallen

[red12]

Thats what the forums for I know how u feel. Gess you should of asked him he if had a GF first. I never actually had a GF either so im in ur shoes to so GL theirs more out their than u think.

[fallen]

Thanks for the quick reply -- that does help a bit. It is embarrassing to have not been in a relationship by my age as well..I just wish I would have seen that he was too good for me from the beginning I guess; the fact that I was deluding myself hurts most. I'm usually quite a rational person, but that part of me seems to have flown out the window.

[Lily04]

Fallen,

 

you shouldn't talk like that! No one is 'too good' for anyone, that's silly to say. And from the immature way he's acting I think you're the one who came out on top. The problem seems magnified now I know because you feel embarrassed, etc. but in the grand scheme of things, by next week you'll have forgotten it. Trust me..if not pm me & we'll talk. But honestly, it's not a big deal, other people will come along who will respect you more & make you feel like the wonderful person you are and soon enough he'll be out of there. Just be confident about yourself and you'll see guys will take more of an interest. And also, I got my first boyfriend at 19 so it's not really a big deal. When the right person comes along you'll know. To be honest, maybe it's better you guys never dated anyways -- he seems like a jerk & also you should never feel inferior to the person you're dating. If you feel like he's 'too good for you' then you guys won't be on an equal playing ground and there will just be awkwardness in the relationship. Just keep that in mind..and don't stress about it too much. Other guys will come along.

[drahcir]

I know its soooooooooooooooo hard when you spend time investing in someone you love and then you find out they are already committed....its happened to me lots and lots of times too...and i am sure it happens to lots of people....there is no reason to feel stupid because its impossible to tell if someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, unless they tell you. If everyone assumed that everyone else wasn't single, then no body would ever get together. Falling in love always has risks...

 

anyway, i don't know if any one person is "too good" for another. Sometimes the most attractive people are single. But it all depends...

 

ANyway, NEVER ever GIVE up.........

[Prue]

I don't see any harm in sending him a reply if it would clear things up and make you feel better. But keep it light! Maybe write him something brief saying that you understand, and that you feeling that way didn't really have anything to do with him giving any signals - was just a feeling of your own. Let him know is was nice meeting him, wish him all the best. Then whenever you see him just say "Hi" like you did nothing wrong - because you didn't! If he acts funny or unfriendly towards you in return, then you are behaving far better under the circumstances than he is.

 

Sometimes a guy will give you their number so you can help each other with studies, discuss an issue your interested in, join a committee they're on etc.... and that's it. Other times they'll say that's the reason as an excuse to give you their number. No one could blame anyone for not knowing the difference sometimes. You're not an idiot - your're just not a mind reader. If he has actually said the he "can't believe" that you misinterpreted him then he must have an ego to go with all his other attributes. I don't know why he couldn't be a little more gracious for heavens sake. I've gone out with guys who look like they walked out of some kind of catalogue who have had attitudes like that. (No offence to good looking guys or male models intended). Now for me, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

The only other advice I'd give is to be a bit more subtle in the future. If the real reason a guy is giving you contact details is because of an interest in you... then they'll get back to you about that at some point. But it can be easier said than done. I've been stressing out lately about that fact that I was as subtle as a sledge-hammer with my ex the other night. That's why I'm hanging out on the forum so much - I have to keep occupied.

 

Chin up - let us know if your're feeling better about things soon

[Lily04]

hope this helps - I just thought of the prime example of how someone who is 'too good' goes out with someone who is perceived as being less than..good..i.e. Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky. Essentially, intelligent President of the United States attracted to not-so intelligent, ugly, fat intern. Whatever brought these 2 together, who knows..it just goes to show that anything is possible. Or, more specifically perhaps, that people have different wants at different times in their life. My criterion is that as long as you two get along, i.e. on the same intellectual & emotional wavelength, it's all cool. As long as there is that special spark..I can usually tell but I've been deceived as well in the past - no one's a mind reader.

 

And as another poster said, let us know how you're doing. Everyone's experienced embarrassment at some point, but it passes soon enough..

 

Take care,

 

sparrow

[jensus]

if that's the way that guy replied to your email, then he seriously lacks class and maturity. when i was in relationships and girls asked me, i took the proper time and care to explain the situation to them and made sure we stayed friends or what not. so, one, he's not the all-great guy you think he is. his actions proved that to you.

 

second, don't ever think or say that someone's too good for you. have confidence in your personality and your looks. it goes a long way. there's no need to apologize for the length of your post, either. and it wasn't pointless. you probably learned something from the whole situation. so it was worth it. like some other persons have said, maybe he just wasn't the right guy. i mean, judging from how he responded to your email, he could've done much harsher things down the road had you two been in a relationship.

 

anyhow i hope this helps. keep your head high and let your confidence shine. there'll be plenty of guys waiting out there for you. go get em. the world is yours.

[evy38]

You're love is a gift. Never be ashamed of giving it. But, like all gifts, some don't appreciate it.

[Scout]

Why should you feel stupid? You didn't know he had a girlfriend. I'd definitely send him a light email back along the lines of:

 

"Thanks for the response...I actually had no idea you had a girlfriend. If I did, I wouldn't have sent my email to you, because I definitely don't encroach on another girl's territory. And if I put you in an awkward position, I apologize. That wasn't my intent.

 

Thank you for the help you've given me with our school assignments, by the way. See ya around!"

 

- Your name

 

Don't over-explain, keep it light and to the point, and shrug this off as one of those uncomfortable moments that WILL happen in our dating pursuit. They happen rarely, but they happen to all of us. Chin up, you did nothing stupid or wrong, in fact, I think it was cool of you to open up an opportunity for you two to date. It didn't pan out this time, no big deal. You have many successes ahead in your dating life, trust me on this.

 

- Scout

[Scout]

Another thing, sending a gracious email like the one I suggest above will automatically make him feel foolish for sending you such a graceless and immature email. Move on and know you took the classier, higher road!

[fallen]

Thanks Scout,

 

I think I'll send something close to that e-mail..and you're right, I will appear & feel like the bigger person in the end. =)

 

Thanks guys,

 

fallen

[Leslii]

The e-mail SCOUT suggested was beautiful. Go for it- make him feel like an ass. He is one!!!

 

I have thrown myself at a guy before thinking he felt the same way as I did. Guys have done it too me. This has happened to everyone.

Think of it as a learning experience.

[gabyblake]

has an amazing personality

 

it sounds like he's a complete richard head - he sounds really rude and bad mannered cos he cud hav politely told u he had a girlfriend, anyway don't worry about him there are so many better people out there don't feel stupid he is so not worth it.