Am I wasting my time on this?

[sasha505]

I was close friends with this guy for several months, we ended up dating for 6 weeks fairly intensely but he broke it off after his exwife kept calling him and dredging up problems they'd had (it was a messy divorce, now 18 months ago but he's still a little emotionally messy from it - she's now pregnant to another man and of course there is no way in hell that he and her will ever get back together). We've stayed the closest of friends (been nearly 2.5 months since we broke up now) and I still adore him.

 

We've both agreed since that we're both coming out of bad relationships with previous partners to each other that we should both take some time just to be single and live independent lives to work out what we want in the future.

I can't help it though, I'm still crazy about him (I get butterflies in my tummy whenever I see him and I've known him almost a year now) and I've spoken to him about how I don't want to give up on "us" just yet because I really believe we could have something beautiful together.

He responded that he wouldn't rule out the possibility of us getting back together at some point maybe early next year once he's settled into the new university course he's doing and knows what he wants for sure, also that he said I shouldn't put my life on hold for him.

Mind you, all of this was said whilst we were lying in bed at his place cuddling in the dark (we're not sleeping together anymore, but we still often go out together and then end up crashing at each other's places and cuddling, nothing more).

He is one of the most wonderful sweet men I have ever met, he is without a doubt my closest male friend and what we had as a couple was fantastic and didn't seem to end due to anything wrong with "us" but him and his baggage.

 

 

Am I stupid for wanting to hold onto him? Is he just trying to brush me off nicely by giving me vague hopes?

[hockeyboy]

your only 17..i wouldnt hold onto this guy.

[sasha505]

I hardly see what my age has to do with this.

 

And don't start carrying on about maturity. I've been through a lot, I've had a fair few relationships, and I've learnt a lot from them and I know there's something special about this guy.

[hockeyboy]

your age has more to do with it then you think. so many people think they are truly in love when they are young. i started dating a girl when i was 18. i dated her for 4 years, we had the best relationship..so i thought. i thought i really loved her, she was my soulmate, but as i grew up (and i still am) i found out that shes not. i was wrong. if you and him are meant to be together you will end up together. you dont have to listen to me, just telling you what ive learned. ive been throught it and so have so many of my friends.

[sasha505]

I'm not so naive and childish that I believe this is true love or anything, but I'm just trying to evaluate whether or not I should let myself (meh... like I really have a choice anyway...) stay emotionally attached and hopeful about this person who I consider to be very important in my life.

[antzca2000]

you don't have to completely forget about him. But if someone cute asks you out, give him a chance too. Spread the love around and see how you feel after a while

[lunatic]

Hey listen I have to put in my two cents here. I am sure that this man is VERY special to you and I understand that. What I need to know is how old are you? I mean at seventeen I didn't know crap even though I thought I did! If this guy is that special to you then there may be hope in the future. For now go out and live your life to the fullest. Enjoy your youth because life is too short to sit on your hands and wait for someone.

 

Just get out there and enjoy your life. If it was meant to be then you two will hook up again in the future but, for now live your life to the fullest.

 

Hubman 8)

[sasha505]

Yeah. Had a few brief romantic interactions with other guys since splitting up with my ex, just drunken kisses and lots of flirting, etc. My life hasn't stopped or anything and I'm not completely lovesick and obsessed over this guy, but I do have feelings for him that run quite deep.

 

I guess I'm just unsure if he still has feelings for me, if he actually does intend upon giving us another chance down the track a little bit, and whether I'm pathetic for still having these feelings about him.

To complicate matters a little further, we are/used to be an age gap couple.

 

But I suppose I can only get those answers by talking to him about it.

[OldGuy]

I think your own defence of the relationship says a lot about how you feel.

 

But, this guy must be quite a bit older than you and he has been hurt pretty bad. You need to think about if you can manage the emotional stress that this realationship and his healing could cause you.

 

It sounds like you are emotionally close and can communicate with each other. If you think he is mature enough to let go of you when the time comes, why not keep it where it is for a few months and see what happens.

 

The down side to being 17 is we all know what terrible mistakes you can make, the up side you have time to invest in something "just to see."

 

But, do yourself a favor, don't "go to bed" with him again, until you know he has himself together and the two of you have talked about where the relationship is going.

[sasha505]

I really do believe I need to talk to him about how I feel but I'm not sure how to go about it because I'm not exactly sure how he's feeling toward me at the moment and he's been working longer than usual hours so we haven't been talking as much.

 

At the moment, I'm just trying to be his "rock" through all the problems in his life like he was for me when I needed him.

 

I know it's a little tragic but I'm hoping that if I stick around and prove to him that I'm commited to him (even if it is only as a friend at the moment), that I'm a nice, genuine and caring woman who wants to be with him (his ex messed him around/cheated on him/etc and left him a little jaded basically), that he'll realise how good I could be for him and that I'm nothing like his ex.

Is it foolish to expect him to want to get back together with me for these reasons and because I've stuck by him and still have feelings for him?

I guess for me it's about proving my maturity and good intentions about him to the extent he'll fall for me again.

 

My God, I'm a rambling idiot.

[Clarabelle]

I think it's lovely that you want to be a friend to this man, and are hopeful that something more will come out of it, but bear in mind that his complicated life was what broke you up. You are so young to get involved with someone so complicated, so be very careful. I wouldn't focus too much on being a support for him at the expense of your own peace of mind and life development.

[trishcollins]

Wow. ?Take it from an old-broad who dated someone 10 years her senior when she was 18 (he was 28 ). I was ABSOLUTELY crazy for him, and would have done anything he wanted. However, it's a lot harder to keep it going when you are still a kid and he is supposed to be a responsible adult. It's great to be with a man of the world (but now that I am 44, I think 28 is a baby), but in the end, you have your ENTIRE life ahead of you and it sounds like this guys has made more than his fair share of mistakes already. Fine someone closer to your own age and with less baggage.

 

Sounds like he is just looking for some fun anyway. Nothing wrong with being friends, and I will tell you in my own experience, it made me grow up really quickly. However, if I had actually stayed with this guy, I would have been a widow at 25 (he died at 35 of cancer) and probably been broke with six kids and living in a public housing project. After we split, I went back to school (I dropped out when I started seeing him) and today I am a successful self-employed consultant who has lived and worked around the world, including a year in Australia and a year in Europe, climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, white water rafting the Colorado through the Grand Canyon, and hiking the Chilkoot Trail through Alaska and the Yukon.

 

Live presents many options, just try and think about where you want to be in 10 years before making any serious and life changing decisions.