Think she's lying to me...

[Timbone]

Okay, here's the deal:

 

The girl I've been dating for over 2 months will often times check in to places on Foursquare through her Facebook.

 

Sometimes she takes pictures to accompany these Foursquare check-ins.

 

She says she does the same procedure for linking pics to her check-ins each time.

 

She has an album of photos on her Facebook called Foursquare Photos.

 

When she posts a Foursquare check-in photo with me, the photo she takes will NOT show up on her page accompanying the check-in. You CAN see this photo if you click the proper link in the place or event name, but otherwise it does not show up freely. These photos are also not in her Foursquare Photos album.

 

When she posts a Foursquare check-in photo that only she is in or some inanimate object, the photo she takes WILL show up on her page, AND will also be inside the Foursquare Photos album on her Facebook.

 

Again, she says she does the same procedure for linking pics to her check-ins each time.

 

We've only been dating a couple months. What is she doing here?

 

Is it operator error? A mistake each time? Is she lying to me? Is she trying to not show me?

 

Thoughts and advice appreciated.

[allielynn]

I think you are overthinking this. Seriously.

[camus154]

Foursquare and Facebook and Twitter oh my!

 

You're 37 years old and really worrying about this? I think you need to inform her right away that every move she makes online needs to be justified with an explanation that is quite clearly owed to you.

[RFB]

If you don't trust her, leave. If trust isn't present in a relationship it's doomed no matter whatyou do.

[laninaperdida]

Everyone who's too cool for FB then good for you.

Most of us are obsessed with it so accept that, lol.

 

I had this same problem with my ex!

I checked him in with me & it didn't show up, but I could see when other people checked him in.

Made me feel like he was untagging himself so no one knew he was doing it with me.

Turns out, it shows when he's logged in but not when I view from mine.

itd be like seeing the same post twice, you know?

You never know for sure so ask her.

[browneyedgirl36]

I agree with the others...you're over-thinking. But...I would also like to offer a bit of perspective: You've been dating two months? Perhaps she doesn't want pictures of someone she's only been seeing for two months plastered up on Facebook, NOT because she's hiding something so much as she's being cautious. Frankly, I wouldn't be posting any pics on Facebook or any other social networking site until I had been in a relationship for quite some time. Why? Because, well...if things don't work out, then it's just all the more public when suddenly the photos stop being posted, people get "untagged," the "relationship status" changes back to "single" -- all that stuff. It's just fraught with issues. It shouldn't be, really, because it's JUST the Internet, but people take it so, so seriously. I guess I would just want to be in a more established relationship before I stated putting up pics of me and a guy I was seeing. I don't even TELL most of my friends when I am in the early stages of dating someone because my friends tend to get all giddy and excited for me, and that makes it all the more icky if it doesn't work out -- they get all hopeful and then I have to explain, "Eh, sorry. Didn't work out."

 

There's a lot of pressure (again, there shouldn't be, but there is), involving social networking sites and relationships -- pressure to make them "public," pressure to not make them so "public" right away, etc. Maybe she's just being cautious.

[Ms Darcy]

Tim, at your age I do hope that you can sit back and really think about what a healthy relationship looks like. Worrying about this is not conducive to a healthy relationship.

[Deejmonster]

It's a Facebook Update.... It means nothing. If she didn't like you she wouldn't hang out with you. Its all superficial.

[Mephisto13]

Facebook, a stalker's wet dream...and an overthinker's worst nightmare.

 

I hate you Facebook! And the way you're changing everyone's lives!

[wendy48]

What, precisely, do you believe she is lying to you *about*?

[Timbone]

Hmm. I suppose I should feel pretty sheepish about this now. I shouldn't worry about this stuff, you're right, it just makes me crazy.

She's hanging out with me, going to a themed event tonight and getting dolled up, making plans for future meet-ups. And having sex and all that...

 

I don't know why I get so up in my head about this girl. I feel like she's into me, but just barely.

 

I think she is lying about not knowing why these pics of us together aren't showing up, when everything else has no problem - like she's doing it to be nice but doesn't want the rest of her friends knowing about us dating. It just kinda stings a bit, but I shouldn't look into it so much. It's been a short time, we see each other a couple or three times a week.

 

She has her reasons. Just feels like little red flags pop up sometimes, and I'm not used to this with past girls - no red flags, imagined or not.

 

I'm just going to try and drop it.

[camus154]

Well, I mean, if you have other red flags and your gut is screaming at you, then maybe you're onto something. Maybe this is just one little detail that looks petty and ridiculous on its own, but of course we don't know the rest of the circumstances or what your gut is telling you.

 

Are there other red flags?

[Timbone]

Hmm. Other red flags. It depends, really. She still talks to her ex through Facebook or text sometimes. That doesn't really say anything. She did have an event the other day where her ex texted that he was bored, and she started talking to him and in the course of the conversation said to come down and she could get him into the venue she was at - she didn't expect him to accept, but he did, and they hung out for a time and she got rather drunk. She told me about this in text after he 'left' her that night. She didn't call me that night on the way home like she tends to, but she said she was tipsy and wanted to concentrate on driving.

 

She didn't have to tell me about this little episode, I never would have known otherwise. Said she wanted to be up front about everything. Bugs me a bit, but nothing happened supposedly. I can only trust her word there.

 

Only other things are little, like her interest seeming to fade a bit from the initial way things were a month ago. There's been health scares and things that can account for this though, and it's not like we aren't seeing each other. Just used to communicate a lot more and more intimately, but relationships evolve I suppose.

[camus154]

Changed my mind.

 

I think you're getting played. You don't tell ex boyfriends that you can get them into clubs and to "come on down" if you don't think they'll take you up on it. You don't then proceed to get drunk with exes and then tell your current boyfriend the reason why you can't call him is because "you need to concentrate on driving". I mean, gee, that's convenient, isn't it?

 

Putting that together with what you say about things becoming LESS intimate instead of MORE, and her hesitancy to post pictures of you together online....sorry, I do think you have something to worry about here.

[Timbone]

Hmm. Maybe so. Maybe not. Why would she tell me about this in the first place if it would just raise my suspicions?

 

She's told me in the past that she doesn't want to get back with him and he doesn't want to get back with her.

I'm being cautious with her, and we tend to be together a lot (except for that last night when she went home and went to bed) or she's at work, so I don't know when she could really be seeing this ex of hers. The other night was an anomaly really.

 

I'm trying not to lie to myself here, but since I have no real evidence of anything it's hard to want to confront her about anything.

[camus154]

Hmm. Maybe so. Maybe not. Why would she tell me about this in the first place if it would just raise my suspicions?

 

Because it's a way of being semi-honest without being completely honest? To alleviate guilt or play things off as copacetic?

 

People often tell half-truths in these situations. Like, "we just kissed". Or even better "he tried to kiss me and we did for a moment". I've personally been told these things when the reality was far more. My point is, people say and do things in these situations that often run counter to what you'd think would happen.

 

She's told me in the past that she doesn't want to get back with him and he doesn't want to get back with her.

 

Why are you even talking about her ex in the first place? Why is he even in the picture enough to warrant such a discussion?

 

To me that's the first clue, but regardless, I don't believe her. I think it's very, very rare that both exes want nothing to do with the other but can remain chummy with each other and get each other into night clubs to come drink together.

 

I could be completely wrong, of course. I just don't like how this all adds up. Taking the ex completely out of the equation, you're still in what should be the honeymoon stage. Things should be getting more intimate, not less. Relationships should progress, not regress.

[BananaPeel]

Definitely something fishy going on, and she probably doesn't want her ex to know about you. She probably does still have some feelings for the ex, and doesn't want everyone to know until she's sure. At only two months in, I think you should be keeping your options open, when dealing with a woman like this. You two aren't official, so you can still date and sleep with other women, and you should, even if you feel like she's the one or whatever nonsense. It would be a big mistake to focus solely on her at this point. See other women just to distract you from her, if nothing else, and if one of them decides to take you more seriously, then drop this one.

[Donovan79]

I started laughing when Camus said "changed my mind" and didn't stop since.

 

Walk away, man. I wish I was wrong, but man, walk away. You're being used to get him back. You wrote about the "tipsy driving" thing because you knew it sounded like b#%&s%&t, which it was. You're dating a girl who wants her ex back, period. You might be the greatest guy in the world, but you can't make a girl who is dead set on getting her ex back forget her objective.