What are 3 reasons why someone is in the FRIENDZONE?

[The_Seeker]

1.) You complain too damn much when I gave you the simple solution. So I end up treating you like my little brother. For example, "I'm fat." I would say "Then go exercise if you feel like you are fat." I mean what the underworld do you expect me to say? "Oh no you are not fat? You look great?"

 

2.) I'm all about looks. So if I don't find you attractive, then I just can't continue a relationship.

 

3.) You're so negative and you keep on saying "I hate LIFE."

[Moontiger]

Lol, seeker, you know what's funny? My BF has more "I feel fat." days than I do. We have a very simple system when one of us says to the other "Babe, am I fat?" the other says, "Nope." and then the first person says, "Ok.". We do this several times a week probably.

[The_Seeker]

Lol, seeker, you know what's funny? My BF has more "I feel fat." days than I do. We have a very simple system when one of us says to the other "Babe, am I fat?" the other says, "Nope." and then the first person says, "Ok.". We do this several times a week probably.

 

Hahaha, fews time a month is okay.

 

But constantly, I run.

[mines]

1. No physical/chemical attraction. (looks are not 100% relevant to this)

2. No mental/cerebral connection/attraction. (for me, sex starts in the brain. If we don't connect there, I'm not interested)

3. No mutual sense of humor

[Dougie_D]

Hmm... Thanks ladies for your honesty.

 

So, I just confirmed that a male doesn't necessarily have to be CONFIDENT but the women just has to be somewhat ATTRACTED to this person. If she realizes that this person is not confident at all, then she will most likely not be into him as she was before...BUT, at least this guy had the chance to NOT be placed in the FRIENDZONE immediately.

 

I'm not talking about being SUPER HOT... because women do have personal tastes. Short, tall, bearded, unbearded, athletic, a little pudgy, etc... So I'm not judging these women and saying they are superficial or shallow... I am more ATTRACTED to women with pointy, piggy, noses. I don't know what it is, but it's strange TURN ON for me.

 

Well, I'm just bummed because lately I've been trying to present myself better with better clothes, style..but I think it's more of the PHYSICAL FEATURES.

 

Now, I'm really thinking about getting plastic surgery. I've NEVER once have a girl tell me I'm cute or attractive to me..Because if there was one, I definitely wouldn't be in the "FRIENDZONE" time after time. Ugh...reality sucks.

[mines]

I have to comment here. I don't think it comes down to physical features. Maybe it does, for you. Men are more visual than women. Maybe for men, that is a deal breaker.

 

I'm a very picky female, yet, I have found some of my hottest chemistry/attractions with men who are totally outside of what I usually dig, visually/physically. The last guy I was with, honestly, I can't say he is cute, but, there is something about him that just makes me want to own him (only in the best of ways...of course)

 

He's not cute, he's overweight, but there is something about him that just makes me want to jump his bones. It's chemistry. It's an electricity I feel when I'm close to him. And you're right, it's not necessarily the 'confidence' that turns us on. (One of my major life crushes, has zero self confidence) Confidence is a turn on, but it's not a deal breaker.

 

Ok, hope this helps. Don't give up.

[poetryandlyrics]

I would advise against plastic surgery (but I am also biased about it, being not fond of it). If that's you in the picture, then I know someone who looks similar to you and he has a girlfriend. A gorgeous girlfriend too. Women's sense of attraction is vastly different than men. And each of us has our quirks in liking specific things, I'm sure -- whether we know it or not. Like another poster said, men are visual but women are more through verbal, the words. Don't give up so easily.

[lalalollipops]

1. If I feel we don't have chemistry (and no, it's not a I think they're hot mentality, or they think I'm hot thing, it's more this spark... Like it's a combo of you feeling really comfortable around them, feeling a spark with them, and esp if you *click* and just can chat with them endlessly for hours and just have heaps of fun).

2. I feel like we have nothing in common and different values

3. They're too nice or don't provide a challenge. As in I don't feel like they challenge me mentally.

 

And it's definitely not a looks thing. I once really liked this guy who was my height (5'7), had huge acne scars (craters) on their face, wasn't a looker (objectively speaking he was like a 2.5 MAX) and didn't have the hottest body. I liked him for his humour, his confidence, and the fact that we clicked amazingly well (I've only had that a very rare few times in my life. He felt like a long lost best friend). For me, I find intelligence, wit and conversation much more appealing. I don't think looks are a deal breaker.

[lalalollipops]

Yeah honestly speaking, I'm very picky, but it's weird that a few times I actually liked a guy through the years, none of them were objectively 'good looking', but I felt attracted to them cos we had chemistry. It's hard to put your finger on what makes sb appealing, it really depends? Being really attractive doesn't mean I'll be attracted and vice versa.

[Moontiger]

To the surgery thing, IF (big, big, IF) you want to have something cosmetic done be SURE you are doing it for the right reasons. If will not make you a better person or give you a better life. I myself have considered having something done of my nose (I have what one would call a very "English" nose.) now, if I never got anything done I could live a perfectly happy life.

 

And, confidence is often something a guy has to have for me to be attracted to him. If my current BF had hung in the background at the party we meet at we would never had started dating!

[MikNomis]

It's not a single thing, everything counts in attracting people: looks, personality, intellect, money, background, race even, etc.

 

For different people, different categories matter more.

 

Lots of people without good looks still get a girl.

[Minx2012]

I hate to say this and be superficial but it all comes down to the fact that I am not attracted to him in any kind of romantic / physical way. The other part is that he has something about his personality and character that is not ideal in a relationship that is right for me.

[EQIQ]

You are mistaken if you think attraction is all about the physical. It is much more about what is on your mind than anything plastic surgery can do for you.

 

The best way IMO to become more attractive is to work-out. That is because it shapes both your body AND your mind. It gives you confidence, discipline, a positive outlook on things. When you see progress you realize that you are capable of making changes, and that feeds you and motivates you even more.

 

So about your physical features... Go work-out, and don't worry too much about your face, you are not disfigured, or have any severe scars in your face. At the same time focus on shaping your mind, go research what being an alpha male is... but don't just trust everything you read. A lot of stuff out there is B.S, take everything you learn with a grain of salt, and see what best applies to you.

 

Another point. When it comes to asking what women think is most attractive in a guy etc... I think you make a mistake in asking women. You are better off asking the guys that attract a lot of women, and see what they do. Women sometimes don't know what it is that attracts them to a guy. Not being sexist.. it's just true. Happens to us too... I still can't exactly figure out why I liked my ex...maybe it was the boobs.

 

And being in the "friendzone" is all about your personality. You can be UGLY/FAT and not be in the friendzone, because you simply don't allow them to put you there.

[wsim]

To be quite honest, it really comes down to one or two things, rather than numerous factors. You are friend-zoned if the girl is simply not attracted to you or feels there isn't any spark/chemistry. While it can be argued that there is more at play, this pretty much sums it up.

 

Personality or lifestyle may be another reason. There isn't much else besides that.

[Slimpee]

For me it's about chemistry. I can't explain it but there's something about some people that makes me want to be around them. One girl I kinda dated this past semester is attractive, smart, witty, physically fit, etc., but there just wasn't chemistry on my end. You never can tell...

 

Also, welcome back, Dougie!

[Don Khan]

Well there's really two types of "friend zoning".

1) You're in the running (there was a mutual awareness of at least one party having amorous intentions) and then you're knocked out of the running and into 'the friend zone". Example: You go on a date, then she says let's just be friends.

 

2) You were always in the friend zone. Example: You ask a girl out who is just an acquaintance or friend and she shoots you down and never expressed interest.

 

Most women on here are answering as if it were the 2nd scenario. Like one lady said "biggest reason is I'm not physically attracted to them - which means they get friendzoned right off the bat"...This is really just a good old fashion rejection. Now if you want to know how you get friend zoned after being a potential interest of theirs, that's a different question.

[Don Khan]

Another point. When it comes to asking what women think is most attractive in a guy etc... I think you make a mistake in asking women. You are better off asking the guys that attract a lot of women, and see what they do. Women sometimes don't know what it is that attracts them to a guy. Not being sexist.. it's just true. Happens to us too... I still can't exactly figure out why I liked my ex...maybe it was the boobs.

 

I kind of agree. There are a lot of women on here with really insightful advice and I'm sure who know what they want but when it comes to advice on how to attract/pick-up women I recommend asking successful guys. I'm not the most successful guy but I have found I've been much more successful listening to advice from other guys than women. Women don't pickup women(not straight ones at least), guys pick up women. It's nice to get a women's perspective but I wouldn't get hung up on it considering your goal. I think the friend zone topic would be better answered but guys.

[Fudgie]

I consider a guy a friend-only (and sometimes not even a friend!) right off the bat when...

 

1) He has personality traits that I really, really don't like.

2) I feel that we are incompatible.

3) I don't like his demeanor/way he carries himself. Some guys my age come off as very arrogant, conventional, cut throat, or athletic. Not for me thank you!

 

And I agree, asking women about this doesn't really help. Unless maybe you want us to go into SPECIFIC stories for why we friendzoned this one guy or whatnot. Maybe that would be a little helpful. It's easy to put things into lists in terms of hypotheticals, but it may not always play out that way in real life.

 

However, I can say for me, knowing myself and my dating past, that physical looks are not big with me. For me, it's about mostly about personality and first impressions, how they carry themselves. If they are interesting and quirky and have a LOT to talk about (like me!), I am drawn in. If they reek of insecurity, are awkward, hard to make conversation with, and keep having a "ping-pong" conversation with me (example: Question, Answer, Question, Answer, Question, Answer), then I find that boring and would not be likely to look further.

 

That's just for me though. Take it with a BIG grain of salt.

[Unknown1607307972]

This is for a guy to be friendzoned, if I don't like his personality at all he wouldn't even be a friend.

 

1) Simply not attracted to him (and a guy doesn't have to look "perfect" for that with me).

2) Like him as a person but we have some clashing views that'd make us a terrible couple (eg I don't want kids, he does).

3) He's a friend's brother, a brother's friend, or any other person I would feel too uncomfortable dating because of the potential awkwardness.

[Don Khan]

I think the friend zone topic would be better answered but guys.

 

That should be "by guys".

[Maeby]

The word "friendzone" drives me absolutely nuts - I mean, honestly, guys, is it so horrible that a girl would only want to be your friend? Are we worth so little to you that as soon as the promise of sex goes out the window, so does your interest in us? Ugh. Kind of gross, honestly. But here are the three reasons I'd very vehemently avoid dating a dude:

 

1. No attraction/chemistry. That doesn't correlate to "you have to be some super-handsome, retina-searingly gorgeous male model," but it does mean that I have to find a guy, you know, attractive to date him. Women have different tastes, we're not some monolith you can automatically impress with a checklist of conventionally attractive physical traits... but as far as I'm concerned, I like a cute, approachable-looking guy who looks like he takes care of himself - not into the whole "dirty rock star" thing.

2. Buys into concepts like PUA tactics, or considers himself a "Nice Guy" who's always overlooked by ladies in favor of "douchebags." I've known way too many of those types in my lifetime, and they're all kind of the worst. I'm not into insecurity (at least in that sense).

3. Just an awful, overbearing personality is a big turn-off. Guys who always need to direct the conversation, only talk about themselves, do stupid things just for attention, etc. I know a ton of these guys, and I'm actually good friends with quite a few, but I'd never date one - I prefer a more even-keeled personality, someone who's not wallflower shy but who doesn't constantly need to be the center of attention. I've found that a lot of these types are very insecure around girls who are on their level - they prefer girls to giggle and just be a good audience - which is really unattractive too.

[Unknown1607307972]

I think the thread is not so much about general turn offs, more about why you would see a guy purely as just a friend rather than someone you'd want to date. I think things like having a bad personality would simply make me dislike a guy so he wouldn't be my friend or my partner