they say i'm too shy!

[earthfairy]

So I'm sixteen, I go to an all girls school, and I'm trying to enjoy life. I want a boyfriend to share this joy with, someone to be my friend and like me for me. The problem is that I don't meet too many guys going to an all girls school. I have had several boyfriends, but they often tell me I'm "too quiet". Is that such a crime? Do guys really prefer obnoxious loud people? Maybe thats a bit extreme, but I just feel like I have to act crazy to get a guy to like me... I have to change... because guys seem too apathetic to get to know the real me, even if it might take longer. If I act crazy, guys for some reason think I'm letting the "real me" show... when really I'm hiding what I believe to be an "even better" me.

 

I'm not looking for a soul-mate or anything, but I just want to find a fun guy who will take me for who I am... a friendly, intellectual, peaceful girl who is in love with life. Where can I find him??

 

Also, guys don't seem too excited to talk about the same things as I do, they prefer the low-pressure topics that you could talk about without thinking. Any suggestions on how to talk to guys?

[ECD]

Well, a girl being too quiet and "shy" is usually not a good thing. It is always more fun (which, in my opinion, is what a relationship is all about) to be with a girl that is more spontaneous and outgoing.

[scaryperson]

I find myself (not exactly purposely) acting all ditzy to keep guys interested in me (even if it is only as a friend) you know, being a bit dense, and clumsy, and very hyper. I don't like me when i'm like that, i just hate myself for it, it feels like i'm 2 people, i really hate it.

 

The best thing to do really is be yourself, you don't have to be shy and stuff, but you don't have to become obnoxious to get guys to notice you, you should just be a little bit more fun, maybe eat loadsa sugar?, never ever change yourself for anyone, it's not worth it.

 

Yeh, i know i act unlike myself around some people, but i guess that's just my childhood insecurities

[mtastic]

Hi Earthfairy,

 

First off, don't change yourself just to attract guys, there are plenty of guys out there who would like a girl who's more quiet and shy. You just have to realize it might be harder for you too atrract a guy initially simply because you won't attract as much attention to yourself than some one who is wild and outgoing, but don't worry, there are still guys who will notice, and the benefits will be greater as you will have a person who appreciates you for who you are.

 

Now, as for talking to guys about the things you like, well that can be difficult for anybody, you're never guaranteed that others will be as enthusiastic about certain things as you are. The best you can do is put yourself in situations where you would meet people with similar interests as yourself, like a club or organization based on something you like. Just look in your local paper for listings on groups and activities.

 

Hope that helped,

mtastic

[jurupa]

Since I actually live next door to an all girl high school I help you out since I have seen many things done by the girls at the all girl school. First of do not try to change who you are, but be happy with you you are. So what if you are not exroverted. I think the point that is being missed here is that guys don't see you as a fun person to be around with. I am not trying to get down on ya, but it seems that your shy enough that your real self only comes out when your having fun and are in your confront zone. I use to be the same way, but I have grown a lot out of my shyness so in time you will be able to do the same.

 

I am curious as to what topics you talk about with guys, becuase some topics guys your age don't want to talk about at all as they are not on the same level as you yet to talk about such topics. So you may want to try more general topics and only talk about the more presuring topics everyonce awhile.

 

Now as far as trying to meet guys there are some things you can try todo. If there is a public high school near by you can goto to football games or anyother sport events, but football games are usually better as ther will be more people and you won't standout as much. Another thing you can try is joining a group of some sort that shares an interest of yours. Also if there is a mall of any decent size you should go there with your friends and just walk about looking at stuff.

 

If you are curious the name of the all girl high school that I live next to, its Rosary High School. There web site is: link removed

[ComputerGuy]

Let me start out by saying DON'T CHANGE. I am the sort of guy who would ask a girl like you out, as I really don't like the whole loud/party/carried away image. Yeah, it's good to9 get out and have fun once in a while but when it comes down to it I prefer a girl who is quiet and prefers to stay at home and cuddle up in front of a movie to going to a party and getting smashed.

 

I really wish there were more girls like you in the world, which leads me to my next point....Where are you and how do I find girls like you??? LMAO Seriously though, don't change who you are, If I prefer quiet girls, I'm sure there is someone where you are that prefers the same...good luck

[earthfairy]

Hey guys, I appreciate the comments. I will never change who I am for a guy. I am a happy person, and I don't have social anxiety. I feel at ease in large crowds, and guys seem to like me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that its not getting the guys thats the problem, its keeping them. I can never think of anything to talk about when I'm around a guy for a really long time that would keep both of us interested. Maybe I just need to find a guy who's a good conversationalist, or has similar interests. Any more suggestions on good topics to talk about?

[Alabama]

I would find out what they are interested in and go for there...or maybe simply see how they are, and ask about the weather. You could also maybe comment them on how they look. But, as everyone else has said, simply be yourself!

[amerkraker]

i know how it feels

im too quiet too and thats what everyone says, and the thing is...i like quiet girls, but its hard to get hooked up with them cause theyre just well...too quiet and shy, but see if you want to talk to a guy i guess you prob want one thats quiet

and too do that i guess you just got to find a guy thats pretty quiet and try to start a convo with him

and who knows maybe itll work out

idk, im not much of a ''people person'' but thats my opinion

and who cares what people think about what you do or who you are

you only live once and so just do what you got to do

[caminokid]

im same as amerkraker, im just too quiet, and it makes me feel pretty unhappy with myself, since for some reason im shy and quiet, and really have a problem with talking to new people.

[acadame]

When you're young, most guys like girls who are outgoing, partying, etc. but as you get older & if you go to college especially, you'll meet guys who are different - more intellectual, serious, even a bit shy themselves, and they'll appreciate you for the person you are. Don't change who you are to meet guys..I didn't start dating until my first yr in university because I couldn't find any guys in high school I was attracted to/compatible with. I know it's hard to think of, but eventually you will meet guys who appreciate the type of girl you are. AND once you find a guy you genuinely like, you'll open up and be more outgoing, trust me. That's how it is with your best friends too right? You're not shy with them I expect because you trust them & get along well.

 

My boyfriend & I have many of the same interests & academic pursuits..so we often get in intellectual conversations and I find it much more interesting than the surface small talk that usually pervades everyday conversation (especially among high schoolers.) I also like intellectual guys & they're hardest to find..you can date guys now but if you're not outgoign with them, don't think there's something wrong with you -- it's likely just that they haven't matured yet, and that you haven't met the right person.