trying match.com again..

[DRW14]

Met a girl online, seems really nice. Chatted back and forth about a week and decided to go out for dinner.

 

Dinner went well, I picked out a nice Greek place for dinner that she said I scored points on. Went out for drinks after dinner and were out late. I picked her up about 830pm and dropped her off about 230am. She texted me shortly after I got home and we just chatted a bit more through text, then actual phone call for another 40 mins, so based on that, I think she was interested?

 

Question is, during the date, she said she had been on link removed about a month and was "over it" all. She also said she really didn't know if she wanted to go out with me when I asked because she had so many crappy dates or met people she just wasn't compatible with. I'm thinking she probably wasn't expecting anything different by going out with me. We are in the same line of work (law enforcement) and felt it was easy with me because she didn't have to explain anything to me about her career or having me question her career choice.

 

So, especially the female members here, how should I play this? Do i continue with no expectations of any thing more and proceed to the friend zone? OR, keep it simple and let things play out? I should note, I'm an impatient dater. I know what I want (which would be seeing how this goes, we are pretty compatible). After the date, she asked me how I felt about having more kids since I already have two (12 & 12). I'm still open to the idea if I found the right person (I'm only 33 and shes 31). I guess that's her deal breaker.

 

Thanks for anyone's input.

[LonelyBoyDave]

I would recommend taking things slow for at least a few more dates until you see how compatible you really are together in the long term. Having the same profession doesn't necessarily mean you'll both have the same emotional needs or plans for the future (as evidenced by her desire to have more kids).

 

I wouldn't worry too much about "the friend zone" at the moment, as she was on a dating site, so she knows you are looking for a relationship.

 

If you two already had one great date, I don't see the harm in another.

[carolinadream]

To me, her comment about being "over it" all does not sound like it puts you into the friend zone, I'm not sure where that is coming from. Did you hug or kiss goodnight? I surely don't stay out til 2:30 am with someone I'm not interested in, surely don't text him afterwards, and surely don't spend 40 more minutes talking on the phone with a friend...

 

I agree with Dave, the kids question is probably a deal-breaker for her - and so far, you passed that test. Kudos to her for being willing to get it clarified so that she can keep you in the friend zone if you really aren't looking for the same things in a partner as she is.

 

Go for it. If you like her and want to spend more time with her, ask her out again. If you are worried that she is thinking friends rather than romance, then do something definitely romantic (send her flowers, send her a romantic card, plan a romantic date activity). Let her know where you are coming from, without a doubt, and if she doesn't feel the same way, she will let you know. Good luck!

[DRW14]

Thank you so much for each of the responses. Especially carolina for the female perspective.

 

Hug goodnight, no kiss, though I wanted to badly haha. I'm pretty old fashioned and think she kinda is too, so I just wanted to play it low key and not be too aggressive about it. There was playful touching by both of us during the date (hand on knee, arm, shoulder...things like that) so that was positive. I'm just a glass half empty kind of person so I over-analyze the situation.

 

We couldn't hang out this weekend because she has a wedding to go to, but talked about going out again next weekend, though nothing set it stone. I think the flowers or card might be overboard since we've only been out once. Any suggestions on mid-level romance date? She's kind of a "hang out with the boys" type of girl (beer/baseball) but she has her girly side (looked awesome). You would NEVER know this girl is a cop if you saw her when we went out

[carolinadream]

Playful touching... also a very significant - and positive - sign!

 

I don't have any suggestions about a mid-level romantic date - especially since you don't feel like she's the typical girly-girl. Something that is planned especially for her would work. Think back to your hours of conversation - is there anything (activity-wise) that she has ever said she would like to do but has never done?

 

One of the best dates I have ever been on was spending the day at the Raptor House (a rehab facility for birds of prey), listening to the talks, walking their trails, learning about the birds. It doesn't sound all that romantic, but it was planned by the guy I was dating because he knew I loved birds. He researched and found the place and planned the whole thing. That kind of attention to what her special likes and interests are is very compelling.

 

So think back on it... has she expressed an interest in stars, astronomy - find a planetarium or star-gazing activity. Does she believe in astrology? Find an astrologer and get your horoscopes done. Does she enjoy hiking? Plan a hike somewhere she has never been and pack the romantic kind of picnic lunch (lots of finger foods - and don't forget something to clean your hands with). Does she love mexican food? Find a mex restaurant with a mariachi band, or if it's Italian - find one with a violinist. Doesn't matter what it is, so much - the important thing is to demonstrate that you have listened to her carefully enough to figure out something she likes and planned it for her.

 

Good luck!

[DRW14]

I know she's into baseball and doing outdoors stuff, so I was thinking of taking her to a pro baseball game. I just didn't want it to seem like a "hang out" kinda date.

 

The other option is she likes road trips. I live near the Napa Valley and maybe plan a wine tasting thing and dinner after?

[brickheart]

One of the best ways to ensure that a girl doesn't think you're "buddies" is to insist on paying for the date. Make it clear that you are doing this because you're interested in her. I've found that, even through online dating websites, when a guy wants to split the bill, I'm not sure whether he wants to be Friends or actually is interested. When he pays, I know we're on a date. If she is uncomfortable with the idea of you paying, that may be a sign that she only wants to be friends, and you can ask from that point.

[carolinadream]

I think the Napa Valley and wine tasting is more romantic!

[The_Seeker]

One of the best ways to ensure that a girl doesn't think you're "buddies" is to insist on paying for the date. Make it clear that you are doing this because you're interested in her. I've found that, even through online dating websites, when a guy wants to split the bill, I'm not sure whether he wants to be Friends or actually is interested. When he pays, I know we're on a date. If she is uncomfortable with the idea of you paying, that may be a sign that she only wants to be friends, and you can ask from that point.

 

I soon realize that too!

[DRW14]

well everyone, i saw this coming. like i said before, she was away for the weekend to go to a wedding. i had talked to her before she left and sort of made plans to hang out this coming weekend. i left her alone (didnt call/text because i knew she was out of town) and called her monday evening. she didn't answer so l left a message. didn't hear back from her monday. nothing at all tuesday. so i send a "hey how you doing" text message today (wednesday). no response.

 

I guess that's my clue shes not interested anymore? what gives? at least be mature enough to say "hey, i had fun but no thanks" just ignore the person? how childish is that? i don't think i said/did anything wrong to give her the wrong opinion of me. i kept it pretty mellow.

 

thanks for everyones suggesitons anyhow.