I did it :)

[Mix Maxster]

Hey everyone,

 

For those of you out there who thought I couldn't I managed to get it. What did I get? Closure. Now I'm betting a lot of you are thinking "huh? Why put it in this part of the forum" well there's a second part to this all. That is the truth of feelings and the truth about my situation.

 

So this is what happened everyone. I felt I had accepted everything and moved on, but what it really came down is the ESSENTIALS behind it.. like believing it and really KNOWING it but not truly giving up in the way you might think. So what does it come down to? Showing that in the end everythign I have been talking about this entire time is the real way things are. I don't want to sound too much like a jerk or too modest, but the truth is is that I believe my ex in everything she has said. Her behaviour no longer confuses me and she isn't what I thought she turned into, she didn't become anyone different other than someone who was hurt. She was, she was hurt that I wasn't what she expected and never could be.

 

Now that's where it gets REALLY tricky because we talked out everything that could ever be said about anything at all really. I talked about everything I felt I had to say and she did the same. She was exceptionally happy that I "understood" things and she felt because of that she could TALK to me without worrying how I would react. She said she was really surprised by it and happy she could say what she wanted to say the whole time. She said she was saying I had GREAT potential in a lot of things but that I never applied myself and she began giving up on that idea. Exactly what I thought and I said this to her.

 

Ok in order not to make this EXCEEEDINGLY long, I will cut to the chace and say that in the end of all of this we got almost EVERYTHING off our chests and she was really happy to have done so. It ended up me asking her if she ever loved me and her saying "yes" and then me asking why did you stop and she said "it didn't happen overnight, it happened subconsciously over a period of time" and that's exactly how on the ball I was with this.

 

Now what's next? Nothing, nothing can be done or said to change anything or make me somehow more attractive or appealing to her. Nothing I can do to make her want to come back, but see the thing is what gives me a chance is the fact that there never was one and yet there could always be one. If that doesn't confuse you I don't know what will. But really it boils down to the fact that I don't believe there's hope and I don't believe there isn't hope. I know that NOW more than ever, things are different because we got what we had to SAY out to make things better for us. She needed to hear that I was aware of everything and that I needed to hear I was right with it. Because she needed to know where I stood with things and I needed to let her know so that the true healing process could begin. From here on all I can say is that time is the true test to the end result of this. Do I go on to become the man that she and I saught? Or do I go back to the old miserable me that most women wouldn't want? That is the question? What happens with me? Because the greatest weapon I have, is that she fell in love with me the first time and that now we have settled a lot of things. I will NOT make the mistake that BECAUSE of that it gives me hope, it only makes it possible to NOT LEAVE ROOM for second guessing in a sense. In other words, if she begins to change her mind... she won't reassure herself that I am bad for her or a loser because I've already begun to fix that which she felt was wrong in the first place.

 

So I know this was supposed to be short, but in the end people self-improvement is vital in removing doubt. That is all, it doesn't make it easier for you and it doesn't make it possible for them to come back, it only makes it easier for them to want to. Time will decide if she becomes my love again or if she remains a friend, I am happy with both because love is tied to both things. I am not afraid to be without her for life as love is passed on to other people and there very well may be someone else i may love one day. I do not doubt that for a second, it's because of that understanding that if her feelings change I can see myself getting back with her and doing things right the SECOND time, but that I'm not counting on it ever happening. I only know that it's possible and yet not possible at the same time and that I don't hope for one or the other but know either one can happen. I hope that makes sense everyone and I hope you can understand what I was trying to say.

 

Max

[sonjam]

I understand completely, and BRAVO to you for finally getting closure, and sorting out your feelings, and maturely discussing it with her. You now both have closure, and can go forward.

 

Never lose sight of your ultimate goal, and well done!

[Mix Maxster]

exactly

And you know what the ironic thing is? It's the best chance I have at getting her back, but I would never count on it. I just know that with the way things are, it would be easier for her to want to come back if she ever did. I am grateful that I can now "see the light" and do what I need to do in order to live a better life. It never means moving on and saying the hell with them, it means doing what you can do better yourself and make do with your situation. If they come back it honestly is something great, but I could never say it would happen and I could never say it WON'T happen. The only TRUE thing I am CERTAIN in all of this is the uncertain. She doesn't have feelings for me, but that could change.. OR it could remain that way... WHO knows, who cares.. time will tell and that's why I have the best chance now. Not that I can count on it

[ForAnother]

You know what the same kinda thing happened to me. I had a conversation with my ex. And I learned that it was all kinda stupid what we had been doing. And now I don't want to be back with her, because she really is annoying however I really do love her. So I would be broken to not be her friend. But you know its all about understanding the things that are unimportant that clue you to the important things.

 

ForAnother

[whattheheck]

Mix - how did you manage to get your ex gf to talk to you? I would really like to sit down with my ex and do the same as you. Especially, since she broke up with me by phone and email. I never got any answers.

[ImfeelingBlue]

MixMaster all I can tell u is wonder. You have wrote the truth and it was simpl confusing and beautiful at the same time. Just kidding. I understood you every step of the way. Its as if saying the haves and have nots of what could come to happen. And you're all right with it!! Nothing can be more beautiful than that. You've gained some peace of mind and can begin moving on but treading lightly if u can understand. I wish u all the best in whatever you decide to do because no doubt u are intelligently on your way to getting there. Keep that same confidence and I'm sure whatever the result you were looking for may present itself. Lots of luck. Keep me posted. =0)

 

P.s. More stories like urs is what we all need.

[Mix Maxster]

I forgot to add everyone that I asked my ex a couple of questions that night that really had a huge impact on me.

 

One was "most importantly.. if i can ask for one last thing? Could you ever really answer why you stopped loving me or was it something that happened on it's own... really, i really did do stupid things didn't i? because that's my impression..." to which she said "well that's hard to answer.. it wasn't like i woke up one day & didn't love you"

 

and the second was "Why then did you ever let me talk to you after all of this? I messed up grately, why did you allow me this chance?" She answered with "Well things didn't feel right and ignoring the problem obviously wasn't going to help. I'm on a new mission to become more assertive and so here we are. I'm trying to stop avoiding dealing with things that are bugging me just cuz it might be hard to deal with. Oddly enough tho tonight wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be which is good."

 

and the third was "for the record, you did didn't you?" to which she asked "did I what?" and I said "you know i did a lot to fuhk things up... but when i wasn't so bad, you did love me didn't u?" and she said "yes I did"

[writer1]

I read your story and found it quite interesting how a guy can feel so much like I do right now. (Ok I still have my sense of humor)

This is day five for me. I am trying so hard to remain very strong. It is so tough. Like you had earlier mentioned you studied the posts on this site like you were studying for an exam. Did that two days ago when I came accross it. I hope things work out for you. Thanks for posting. Any advice right now on the do's and don'ts is helpful.