Best Friend Love

[RealCity19]

Kind of a long story but I will shorten my best. I have been best friends with a girl for about 7 years. Been through everything including her current fight with a light form of cancer. We have a friendship like no other where we expect to be told the truth no matter how hard it hurts. I was dating other women so we never considered dating. Had a recent break up and was comforted by my best friend though. Well as the months wore on we became closer and closer until we finally ended up sleeping together. We both agreed a relationship wasn't the best thing for a while but continued to sleep together until finally she told me she loved me. I told her it was not a good idea.

 

I moved to another town for a job and met another girl and we dated for a bit. It ripped my best friend apart and I felt terrible. I dated the girl for about a month and a half and realized I was not happy without my best friend. I realized I loved my best friend back. I know it's so cliche but I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl. I made her aware of this the day after Christmas and she had been seeing another guy. She said she was confused and needed time to think. I gave her about two weeks where we stayed in communication but never talked about it. I asked her how she felt. She said she was still confused. She continued to date this other guy in the mean time and I called it off with the girl I was seeing. Come late March I finally told her I could not wait around anymore. I admittedly begged a bit and we got into the biggest argument in our 7 years as friends. We have grown apart drastically. We were both shocked. Finally, she decided she was going to commit to him in early April. When she told me this I told her I needed to cut off ties. It's been the only way I have ever been able to get over women I am in love with. She got irrate about me saying that and went off. I told her it was for me and not for her. I told her I was sorry but needed to find a way to make myself happy as she had found a new number 1 priority.

 

She said she was still in love with me and considered me her best friend, rock and confidant, but could not date me. So she was at a wedding with a few mutual friends this weekend which I could not make and she brought her new guy as her date. I know the guy and he isn't a terrible guy, and everyone said they seemed really happy together. A friend asked her about it and said it sounded like she was sticking to her guns with her decision. I am not sure what to do but since she told me she was committing to him, she has called to say hi a couple of times in which I was short and kept the convo under 5 mins both times. Is it unreasonable to cut off ties completely here? I do consider her the love of my life and would do anything for her, but after being dragged along for three months just to be hurt after she told me she loves me.

 

Tough part is I have made no effort at reaching out to her since she has told me but she has a cancer treatment this week. When she was diagnosed originally she called me before anyone else, even her brother(her parents were there.) At that point she was still in disbelief so she was laughing and joking in denial. She called me about 2 hours later hysterically crying. I told her I would be there every step of the way and we would fight this thing together and beat it! That was about a year ago and I have been there for everything since. She told me I was the only thing that kept her calm. Any advice on how to do that when I haven't been in great contact with her the past two weeks? Any advice on how to win someone back when you made the mistake of begging, and they are now seeing someone else.?

[BrianH46]

Maybe it's your ego talking... Here's why I think that: you guys had a friends with benefit that ended up with her telling you that she loved you. Now I'm no love guru but if you were that intimate with the love of your life you aren't going to let that go so easily. Not only did you not reciprocate her feelings but you started seeing another girl immediately after. Now here's point number 2 you told her your feelings only after she started seeing another guy? Point number 3 you knew this girl for 7 years why didn't the thought of dating her ever cross your mind because I'm sure her feelings for you were quite obvious throughout this time.

 

Anyways as for the "winning someone back": you don't real life aren't like romantic comedies. Only if she ends up breaking up with him on her own accord, do you have a shot at winning her back. If you aren't able to respect her relationship and maintain a platonic friendship then cut contact with her for your sake, hers, and her SO. If

[RealCity19]

in 7 years as her friend, I have dated two of our mutual friends. She dated other guys in that time as well. I have admitted to her all of my mistakes and have told her sorry. The fact that we said forever that we would not date got stuck in my mind and I never thought ever I would have those feelings for her, until she started dating someone else after we slept together. I have admitted that to her and told her that is my mistake. I saw so many flaws in the new girl I started seeing and realized that my best friend was the person I wanted to be with. It was a tough lesson but I admitted that to her.

[Nonchalance]

how old are you two? are you in your 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's?

 

Sounds like you already know where you stuffed it up... seems like you almost went back to doing what worked originally, except that you seem to have stopped dating people.

 

Which to tell you the truth i am pretty sure makes you less desirable... Maybe if you have a decent breakup she might feel like comforting you again... you know if she is ever single again

[RealCity19]

So more to the story. I decided after not talking or seeing her in a while I would drive 6 hours down to surprise her at her work(she is a school teacher and this is something I used to regularly do.) I showed up at her door with a hand written letter that just said I love you. She was shocked and taken back, but was ecstatic. She hugged me three or four times, and said I love you back. We were both shaking out of excitment/nervousness and she had to take the jacket she was wearing off because she started sweating. I told her I just drove down to see her and give her the card. She asked me if I wanted to come in her class for a bit and I said sure but had to drive back as I needed to be at work the next day, so I couldn't only stay for a bit. She couldn't believe I would do this just for her.

 

Well in her classroom I let her teach, but, we couldn't stop looking at each other and giving shy smiles and we both blushed a bit. There were times where I wouldn't be looking at her but she would be staring at me and I would look up and we would just smile. She would subtly touch me from time to time as we joked. It was like nothing ever changed. When I went to leave she gave me a huge hug and wouldn't let go. I walked out of her classroom and said bye and when I was halfway down the hall, she walked out of her classroom and again said bye.

 

She called later in the day and said she can't be with me. She sends the most mixed signals.