Any success stories out there??

[ice7990]

ive read alot of good advice here and has helped me lessen the pain of what i am going thru.

 

is there any success stories here??? stories that has helped ppl get back together with their ex using NC, especially if you are the dumpee. if there are, how long did it take for ppl to get back the one that they love?? did it also work when your ex has feelings again for her previous ex before you??

[justtwicethen]

Hi,

 

NC works most of the time. But the difficult thing is adhering to NC and being ready to embark on NC for perhaps...4-5 months...

 

You know what I don't understand? Why do people in love break up? Sigh...I mean, when two fall in love its the most amazing thing...so why do they part ways..

 

and why do they HURT eachother with NC?

 

its not fair..

[Heartagram]

God I wish I had the luxury of complete no contact.

 

I've heard of people getting back together. But it doesn't work unless both parties work on what was broken in the first place.

[VultureFury]

~ice7990~

Its true that ex can get back together. just recently my friend got back with her ex. She is 14 yrs old, not sure how old the her ex is tho. their previous relationship was short about 1 month 8 days. There was no contact durring the summer, and she went out with another guy until he broke-up with her. thats all i koe.

 

as for my situation im doin "limited contact" and so far its been good. there are some signs of intrests but its hard to tell... and there no use in putting meaning to it cause it mite not be what you think it is.

 

~justtwicethen~

1. Because there is something that bothers them about the other person, something is different, or theres just a lost of feelings. depends on the situation also

[wickedbusa]

NC really does help. It did wonders for me and helped me get through some of the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I moved on, met someone new who treats me like I want to be treated, and a few weeks later my ex decides to come back. Well, by the time she came back I didn't want her back anymore. I'm happier with the new person I am with. It's strange because when I first broke up with my ex, all I wanted to was to get her back at no expense. After taking a step back and looking at my life, I realized that i could move on without her. Since moving on, I feel as though I have so much more to offer to my new relationship. Hang in there, things will fall into place, I promise.

[Prue]

I know someone who was quite devastated when her bf broke up with her. It was very out of the blue - although she was suffering from mild depression at the time and thought that might have had something to do with it. (Although I thought she was one brave girl - even through depression that needed treatment she never completely lost her sense of humour or an element of optimism).

 

Anyway, much to everyone's surprise (we thought the depair of it all was set in for a while) she found someone else within weeks. She's so much happier now, and she's been with the new guy for several months. Didn't take long of her being happy and having moved on for the ex to come back and want to try again - but she was no longer interested. NC was never an option with those two though as they live in the same college dorm blocks (have to eat in the same dining hall, attend the same functions etc...).

 

You know at first, as it can for anyone, the break up made her feel in some way inferior or "not good enough" etc... Personally I think her ex must have had rocks in his head. I always thought it was her who was out of his league - lol

 

Anyway, I'm not one to talk. I'm still devasted about losing my ex and trying to cling to hope - which is fading.

 

All the best to you.

[ice7990]

any more stories about ex's getting back together??

[cassiana]

I have loads that happened to my friends if you want the laborious task of scrolling through my old posts. Sadly im not one of those happy stories. Six months and still suffering. If the NCwhich I have been very good about works I promise I will come back and tell you. Meanwhile I'm looking for another man.

[fridolyn]

IS going back together = success ? I dont think so!!! I dont want my ex back anymore and Im feeling pretty good about it. Here's a story for you. In March 2003, two friends and I went snowmobiling for the weekend. We all broke up since then. The 2 girlfriends of my friends came back for a few months (8 months for one and 11 for the other). Guess what??? It didnt work out and they told me it was a big mistake. I've been alone since then and Im now pretty happy about it. That has taught me a lot about myself.

 

 

 

***English is my second language***

[cassiana]

Sometimes exes come back and its a disaster, sometimes its a success. I don't think there are hard and fast rules about it. I do think that an ex who has dumped you should have to earn their way back though.

[ice7990]

i know that it may not work out if they do come back. im just looking for some hope in my situation. trying to get some knowledge on how long did it take some ppl for their ex to just come back to them, realize that they made a mistake and wanted them back. at least its a start. for me, its quite important to find a new beginning with my ex cause she was my fiance, and she has a son that i love so much. i would take her back in a second and marry her without any hesistation.

[antigone77]

How long have you and she been separated?

 

Just curious.

 

Unfortunately, I have been the bad guy usually, in that I've broken off every romantic relationship I've ever had -- and haven't gone back.

 

The only difference now is that I broke it off with my ex and he made it permanent and he is the love of my life!

 

I want to be back with him with every inch of my cyanide-laced heart. ( :

 

How's that for karma?

[detox5]

Me and my ex are now speakin online, I have no idea what to say to her, i would love to here that she does or doesnt like me, im just soo stuck in the middle of not knowing what to do. A few weeks before she did email me appologising for all the things she did to me.

[cassiana]

Antigone.

please tell me why you decided to dump?

How did you feel when you dumped him?

How did he react?

When did you realise you had made a mistake?

What steps have you made towards reconciliation?

[antigone77]

I dumped him -- repeatedly, unfortunately -- because I got so angry with him.

 

Stupid reason, I know.

 

After the first dumping, when we got back together, I thought everything was o.k. and that, through better communication, we were resolving our problems.

 

Unfortunately,the problems got worse because after the first break-up he had major trust issues (understandably) and would get very defensive when we argued.

 

So, our arguments got worse, I broke it off more frequently, hoping that something would change. Waiting and praying for it to change.

 

Unfortunately I didn't realize how much this hurt him. (Another stupid thing on my part). Yes, the breakups hurt me very much, too, but I always figured we'd just get back together.

 

Well, about a month and a half ago, we broke up twice in two days. And he finally said, "That's it. I love you with all of my heart, and I'm still in love with you, but I can't take the pain any more. This time, we're not getting back together."

 

The thing is I always knew how much I loved him and never really thought we'd stay broken up. We just had really heated arguments. So, I just decided to dump when I got too angry or too hurt and when the feeling subsided (usually through a lot of talking) we'd get back together.

 

To this day, I want to get back together but he's too hurt to even think about it.

 

So my steps to reconciliation are just working on the problems that made me have such extreme and hurtful reactions.

 

Other than that, I asked him not to call so I can let him heal and heal myself. Unfortunately, I'm in Texas and he's in Florida, so we can't just run into each other ... so I will try to call when I'm ready.

 

I'm not sure if you would call that reconciliation.

 

In a nutshell: Why I dumped: Extreme emotional reactions and a not-very-clear understanding of what the other person was going through.

 

Why I want him back: Because I love him with all of my heart

 

Hope that helps.

[trinitystorm]

Your story sounds just like mine- repeated breakups and he finally got tired of it and said "that's it- no more". It has been 6 months, we are talking occasionally online, I have even mentioned that we should meet up, but there is nothing more. He has not initiated anything. Not even a chat. If actions speak louder than words, then his actions tell me that there is no chance of getting back together. I am trying to move on with my life.....

p.s. we are in the same city and hang out in the same area, so there might be a chance I bump into him....

[antigone77]

trinitystorm,

 

How long were you guys together? When you broke up, did he say he still loved you? Have you had problems like that in the past?

 

I'd love to hear from a sista.

( :

[ice7990]

i still dont understand why she left me. maybe im just analyzing this too much, but i just cant get over it. i mean, i spent almost a year with her and her son. shown them both love and happiness. she knows how much i love them and her son loves me too and thinks of me as his family. he doesnt have a father and i have always been the father to him since i met him. yet, she leaves all that for her ex that broke up with her 7 years ago because she all of a sudden has feelings that resurfaced again. its hard to understand. she's 35 and her son is 4. they both know that i want to be with them and love them so much, even tho he isnt even my son. her ex has never spent any time with him, and isnt his father either. she says that her son is the most important person to her and his happiness means everything and i have done everything a father would for his son and more. i have told her many times that i want to be his father and i love him like my own son. even her friends could see how much i love and care for him like no other. i just dont understand why she cant see that and would leave me for past feelings.

[antigone77]

Did she give you any clues at all, other than this resurfaced emotion?

 

There must be something more to it. Was he the love of her life? Did she ever express any issues to you?

 

Something, obviously, lead to this. What leads do you have?

[ice7990]

no clues at all. just that she and her friend had hired him to do their webpage for them and that was when it all started. from there, the feelings started and she later told me after she broke up with me a month later. she said that she doesnt know where it will lead cause now that the webpage is done, she isnt ready to do anyting. her friends tell me that she is still not doing anything.

 

yes, he was the love of her life long ago, but he cheated on her and didnt love her anymore. but she never expressed any issues with me. and she didnt leave any clues. all i know was that my visa was coming close and she was feeling the pressure from that and her parents about marrying me but i have been trying so hard to get past that and get the visa renewed so that i can stay without us getting married. she even asked me about that yesterday when she emailed me to thankme for helping her with some work that she was stressing over and asked for my help. im hoping that i get the visa but i dont know will that make a dif with us since she has these feelings for him. i just wish that she can see past these feelings that she has and see what happened with them in the past and see all the strikes that are there now. that she can see all the good and love that i have for her and her son as well as her family and all the things that i do to make her feel special and like a princess. she always said i treated her like that but cant even see it now cause of these feelings. i dont even know if she can still see all the good we had and happiness we had right now cause of these feelings.

[antigone77]

Ice,

Are you on good enough terms that you can ask her why, exactly, she left what she had to pursue this? Sometimes a direct question, asked in a non-threatening and unemotional way, can give you all sorts of information and insight.

 

Is that something that you could do, simply, without begging her to come back or any of the emotional outbursts that most of us want to make?

 

There's a lot of advice on this site about NC; that is, no contact. Almost all of it is good advice. But I also think that closure is due to the dumpees, too. If you can go about getting that closure in a calm and rational (and most of all NOT DESPERATE OR EMOTIONAL) way, then it can only help you.

[trinitystorm]

antigone77-

 

we went out for 2.5 years.....overall our relationship was relatively smooth but I just wasn't sure about him and what I wanted out of the relationship.... I was repeatedly pushing him away, saying that I needed time to think. We would have fights and and say it's over but we always got back together again a few days later. Looking back, I didn't realize how good I had it and how happy I was....how happy we were. But now, it's over. And I know that he is also trying to move on and see other people. And as I mentioned before, he has not initiated anything. I would like it give it one more go- to see if there is any chance of us being together, but my friends and everyone around me say to just forget about him. It's not that easy even if it's been 6 months.

 

And at the end, he did not say that he loved me. He just said he was tired of our relationship. He wanted to get settled down and I guess it was me how didn't know what I wanted. Now I want the same thing but .....

 

oh well.

[ice7990]

im already doing the NC. i leave it all up to her to contact me. i never initiate it unless she emails me or IM me.

 

i have asked but i was very emotional that nite. she said cultural difference cause im from canada and she is japanese, but she knows better cause she has lived in the states for half her life and has a western way of thinking too. as well, im living in japan so im learning everyday. she said personality and different ways of thinking but i know i have changed all that in the past from my last gf and am a different person from the past. all my friends have told me that and even my ex from the past has seen the changes and know that i can change when i know how important something is to me. i have told my ex that too. i also told her that we may have these differences cause we didnt have great communication and that was a fault on both our parts. i know and have told her that if we spend more time with the one we love, those differences will become one and wont clash. and that some differences only makes the relationship grow stronger cause you learn more about the person. even she knows that i can change and knows how hard im trying to change but she cant accept my feelings now. she knows how hard i work at everything i do and am trying very hard to stay in japan. but i just dont think she can see that right now or even thinking about wat we had or could have if she took me back, for her and for her son.

 

even last nite, i think i may have made a mistake when she asked how my day was. i think i gave off too much info saying how i was really busy, stressed out with school and studies and working my *** off. maybe i should have given her less info cause she never replied when i asked her how she was doing. i dont expect her to respond but would feel better if she did so that i know i didnt sound like i was complaining...something else she once said was that i complain too much.

 

besides this, i dont know what else made her feel these feelings for her ex and decide to leave me for only feelings. and i think i already have closure. i only want her back now and want to be the man that she deserves, the man that has always treated her with love and made her feel special. cause my feelings will never change for her and only grow stronger. i have no doubts on that. i just wish she can see that and take me back.

[trinitystorm]

ice-

 

is the old ex japanese? The reason why I ask this is b/c you said she was japanese. And despite her living half her life in the west, she is still a japanese woman. Also, pressure from her parents probably have an affect on her even if she does not admit. The same thing happened to me - I am also asian who lived in Canada most of my life. My parents disapproved of my ex and that negatively affected the relationship even though I didn't think so at the time...... Basically, I think I secretly wanted their approval. But that was really stupid of me since they are not the ones who will be living with the guy. So, perhaps your girl will come to her senses too. If she has hooked up with the old bf, then all you can do is be strong. In the meantime, live your life. Life is seriously too short to be waiting around.

 

or you can come to korea where there are lots of hot girls.

 

haha

[antigone77]

TS --

Geeze, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. And that I am, too. But other people have pointed out to me (harshly, on some of these message boards) that I really need to get myself together because it was mostly my issues that broke us up.

 

There's definitely truth to that. Maybe the same applies to your situation. If you kept breaking up but got together again ... repeatedly, there are issues there.

 

I made an appointment for counselling. And other than the fact that I'll be out about $60-70, I think that the session can at worse be neutral and at best help me deal with the baggage.

 

There must be some baggage there for you, too. So, have you thought about getting to the root of what made you so indecisive?

 

I could totally be off-base here. Your guy could have done things that, while not totally unacceptable (like hitting you or some crap) might have been emotiionally hard to swallow, like spending all nigt, ever night, looking at porn.

 

But if there aren't things he's done, actions or attitudes that hurt you, then maybe the breakups are coming from inside you.

 

I sure hope this post doesn't seem sanctimonious or anything. I wish that it was full of practical tips to snag that guy you're thinking so much about.

But, at least I can maybe give you a new perspective on you.

 

-My two cents

 

P.S.

Please pm me if you feel. I may not be on, but I'll reply. It's good to know I'm not the only one out there going through a similar situation.