Saw a chat log...my ex is unhappy.

[sandrawg]

My housemate is friends with my ex. I was putting some mail on my housemate's office chair and a gmail chat log was open between the 2 of them. I only caught a little bit of it..I wasn't going to snoop and read the whole thing.

 

But I did see that my housemate asked how life is. (My housemate and my ex haven't talked or seen each other in a few weeks.) My ex said, "difficult but liveable." Then my housemate asked: "What's been going on?" My ex said "Nothing new. My job still sucks. And my brain won't let me be happy."

 

That's all I saw.

 

Is it wrong of me to feel somewhat good that he doesn't seem happy? I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I had the idea that my ex must be living it up, partying with his friends all the time, now that I'm not around to cramp his social life. I figured he'd probably be moving on and having a blast. Now I know, he's not. It also kind of vindicates what I've thought about him..that he kind of likes NOT being happy.I mean, he was always complaining about his job.I figured, 2 months past our breakup, that he'd have found a new one by now.

[Moontiger]

I think its perfectly normal to feel this way. After my ex and I broke up I found out his car, that he loved and was saving a lot of money to fix up, completely died on him. That made me happy.

 

I also suspect that he broke up with me to try and date another girl who things didn't work out with. (I have no hard evidence but I won't go into details it would be for to long.) It made me happy things didn't work out with her.

 

One day you just won't care. And then you will know you are over him.

[sandrawg]

I think you're right, moontiger.

 

And I think that, because part of me is hoping that the whole "my brain won't let me be happy" statement might at least partially relate to our breakup...I think that shows I'm definitely not over him.

 

A mutual friend who's known him since high school was disappointed that we broke up and said something like, "Dammit, why can't (my ex) just ever let himself be happy?" This was right after he broke up with me.

 

Maybe part of me was also relieved he didnt' say "I've been dating this girl" or something like that when my housemate asked him what's up with him. But I'm mad at myself that I even care about that.

[Angel Irulan]

Sometimes in breakups who's winning makes us feel better. Who has more friends, (or kept the old couple ones) and more money, a better job, etc. Try not to get sucked up into this type of anger. It really does you no good over the long run. Take the big leap and just let go of your ex, in every way.

 

Angel

[sandrawg]

Actually, I'm not angry. It's weird..it's not really coming out of anger. I don't want him to be unhappy. I guess I'm relieved that he's unhappy because maybe the fact that he's unhappy means he's regretting the breakup, in some way. I think that's more what I'm thinking. And I don't want him to regret it because I want him back. I know, it's weird.

 

Sometimes in breakups who's winning makes us feel better. Who has more friends, (or kept the old couple ones) and more money, a better job, etc. Try not to get sucked up into this type of anger. It really does you no good over the long run. Take the big leap and just let go of your ex, in every way.

 

Angel

[playstheblues]

Totally normal. I felt strength whenever my ex was feeling a little bit down because it showed me that he was human, normal and was the same person I knew- not some cold hearted jerk. Just don't get strength because you think it means they might come back because they are miserable. I thought this- but I've seen my ex at the rock's bottom and he hasn't come back. Sure- he made noises about it i.e. I might want to come back and I might not, but he didn't come back. Then, when he was obviously feeling strength he said "We won't be getting back together." Point being, just because he's down doesn't mean he'll come back unfortunately- but I don't think it's wrong to get strength where you can in these horrible situations.

[LDRohnos]

Actually, I'm not angry. It's weird..it's not really coming out of anger. I don't want him to be unhappy. I guess I'm relieved that he's unhappy because maybe the fact that he's unhappy means he's regretting the breakup, in some way. I think that's more what I'm thinking. And I don't want him to regret it because I want him back. I know, it's weird.

 

It's not anger, it comes from pride. You want to be the special snowflake in his life, the one thing he cannot live without and cannot replace. With you gone, he's destroyed. Thus, your ego and pride are inflated.

 

It's normal to think this way and it's more healthy to stop thinking this way and to just move on. This is why people who are in constant contact with an ex (directly or indirectly) have a battle going on between their logic and their pride. Contact preys on your pride, of wanting to be "special" again, when you break contact you can mend your ego and get to the point where you don't need *him* anymore to make you feel special.

 

It's not weird, it's a typical reaction. In the future I would avoid reading your roommates e-mail logs if you know conversations between your ex and him/her are on there. Avoid contact as much as possible and let your ego and pride value something new to feed on.

[sandrawg]

Yeah, I honestly think there's a part of him that likes being miserable. That's why he stays in his cr*p job and, before me, he was in an unhappy long-distance relationship that dragged off and on for SIX years.

 

I always thought he was pretty happy with me, and he'd tell me how awesome I was, how lucky we were to find each other, etc...so, I think unhappiness is his habitual pattern he prefers to stay in. So, as much as he might complain about his life, I don't think he'll do much to change it. And that includes, coming back to me. I don't want him back anyway. I don't take back people who reject me. As much as I still love him, I can't.

 

Totally normal. I felt strength whenever my ex was feeling a little bit down because it showed me that he was human, normal and was the same person I knew- not some cold hearted jerk. Just don't get strength because you think it means they might come back because they are miserable. I thought this- but I've seen my ex at the rock's bottom and he hasn't come back. Sure- he made noises about it i.e. I might want to come back and I might not, but he didn't come back. Then, when he was obviously feeling strength he said "We won't be getting back together." Point being, just because he's down doesn't mean he'll come back unfortunately- but I don't think it's wrong to get strength where you can in these horrible situations.

[sandrawg]

Yup. You're exactly right. Good advice. Yknow how they say, curiosity killed the cat.

 

I mean, imagine if I had seen him say "I'm dating some new girl." I think that would've crushed me. At some point, it'll probably happen.

[Angel Irulan]

Actually, I'm not angry. It's weird..it's not really coming out of anger. I don't want him to be unhappy. I guess I'm relieved that he's unhappy because maybe the fact that he's unhappy means he's regretting the breakup, in some way. I think that's more what I'm thinking. And I don't want him to regret it because I want him back. I know, it's weird.

 

That is anger.

[Ms Darcy]

Agree with LD. Getting dumped is a rejection that takes a long time to stop hurting. It hurts your pride and your ego. You are happy that he's unhappy as a way to boost your ego. If you found out that he finds the love of his life in the next few weeks, you would probably be devastated.

 

Ego does crazy things to emotions.

[TearsofFate]

My ex wanted to stay friends after he dumped me. I said "sorry..." and never talked to him since. He always viewed my profiles though and would write how unhappy he was all over his profile...thing is..2 years later..he's still in the same rut. It makes me wonder why I dated him to begin with. He sounds like your ex..just always really depressed and hating his job.

 

It feels nice, because I don't ever have to live it ever again. It was really draining.

[EmmaB78]

Well, my break up is new, but I'll tell you that, right now, no part of me wants him to be happy at all! I defriended him on FB, and we have no mutual friends so there isn't really a way for me to know. I do know that he's been going out with his friends a ton (we just went NC a few days ago, and up until that point he kept telling me about it), and that annoyed me (I don't have nearly as many friends as him) until I remembered that he told me multiple times that he always felt like he had a lot of acquaintances but no real friends and that I was the only person he'd ever been able to open up to. Vindictive, I know, but I just keep thinking - yeah, go and have beers with your idiot sexist friends who are all ten years younger than you, bro - that'll fulfill you. Plus, one of my friends who is an extremely intelligent, accomplished person just found out about our break up today and told me that she was relieved because she'd always found him really insecure to the point where he had been rude to her when she'd asked him really simple questions (she is a very polite person and never said anything to me at the time). So, yeah, I think this kind of anger/desire for them to be at least A LITTLE miserable is normal in the beginning. I guess it becomes a problem if you're still thinking that way far down the line, but for now - I dunno, I personally like to think that my ex will never, ever have a happy life because he let go the best thing that ever happened to him - me! Lol. Not logically true, obviously, but if it makes me feel better right now, I'm sticking with it.

[sandrawg]

My ex-ex was like that. We've been broken up over a year, and I hear from mutual friends he has the same job he'd always told me he hated, and is dating the same loser girlfriend, who was his ex when we were together, and who he used to refer to as "crazy". He kept bouncing back to her like a rubber ball. She smokes pot all the time..no job..and lives with her parents. He'll probably marry her and be miserable still. And yeah, it does make you wonder, what we saw in these guys.

 

My ex wanted to stay friends after he dumped me. I said "sorry..." and never talked to him since. He always viewed my profiles though and would write how unhappy he was all over his profile...thing is..2 years later..he's still in the same rut. It makes me wonder why I dated him to begin with. He sounds like your ex..just always really depressed and hating his job.

 

It feels nice, because I don't ever have to live it ever again. It was really draining.