Rollercoaster of emotions....sucks!

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Just as i'm getting ready for my day i just start thinking of the worst things about the break up and looking at how many days its been and all this unhealthy stuff. I'm getting so tired of being optimistic one day and pessimistic another. I know its supposed to be that way while you're healing but I just really don't wanna feel this way. I've always been the type of person that has to be completely over the ex before even having interest in another person. It just doesn't happen and i keep telling myself i really need to heal completely before i'm with someone else because i dont wanna have trust issues. At the same time though i'm tired of feeling heartbroken and sometimes i do wish that a wonderful guy would come along and "save" me from all of this, but not like a rebound relationship but something amazing. Only happens in movies this fast... When we broke up we talked about being friends later on when i was ready and he said it would be nice and i was scared because i thought i would HAVE TO be friends with him at some point because we didn't break up on bad terms and he was actually very nice but now that i think about it i don't have to ever be friends with him again, i mean I'm sure in like a couple of years i'll speak to him again and catch up but right now any time soon i don't think this will happen and i was worried about having to see him when he came up for school but i think he will keep on respecting my NC wishes like he has been now and i won't break NC either as it will hurt too much so i'm just planning on never contacting him even when he comes up for school. it sucks but he wanted me out of his life so there's no reason for me to HAVE to give him my friendship.

 

I know he's happier anyway without me and is probably doing who knows what going out meeting girls or maybe he started liking one of his girl friends and when i think about that it already makes me feel like he isn't coming back to me and never will and it hurts me to think that.