IT feels like it's getting harder instead of easier... 2 weeks now

[links12]

Its been 2 weeks since the break up and NC. During the first week i guess i had guy friends to talk to about the break up and i was really busy finishing up some stuff and i felt positive and i felt like i wasnt going to be hit as hard as i thought but this past second week has been getting harder. Even though i have decided to stick with NC and i really have no insight on what he is up to in his life it feels like i miss him more and more and arent i supposed to be missing him less and less??? Though i decided i know he is never gonna come back to me and that in the long run its better if we're not together, i find myself now wishing that we were back together something i didnt allow myself to do for the 1st week. I hate it because i keep thinking about the spring break coming up and how a month before we broke up he was saying how we should go away for spring break and planning all these things and now nothing will happen. im also starting to think about how i realized him breaking up with me over the phone was a cowardly move. we were currently long distance but we were supposed to see eachother when he came up for school in mid april so we had been about 2 months long distance when he broke up with me and i know theres no other way to do it on the phone but i kind of think that shows lack of respect for what we had. to just break it off so easily on the phone and i told him to wait to see eachother and we could talk and he would not do it. now im angry because i let that slide and because i didnt tell him he was a coward for breaking up with me that way. Also i feel like i usually let out my frustration by crying but having roommates and people around me all the time i cant let it out a lot and it comes out at random times when im alone. I dont feel like crying as much as i usually would in a situation like this and i am back to having an appetite which is good too because for the first two days after BU i hated food. Ugh i know this will go away in time but i wish i could fast forward time and im scared of when he comes up to school im scared of seeing him somewhere on campus and looking at him and just nodding hello but acting like strangers and i hate the thought of that. I dont know if he will contact me, although he did say it would be nice to be friends if i was able to and that he was always there for me if i wanted to talk to him. basically im the one that cut off all communication but i just had to do it. i need motivational words

[li0n]

He did make a cowardly move by breaking it off so quickly and over the phone. Stay strong. Nurture yourself. Once you get some time (couple weeks, a month) you'll start to see things better and realize that someone better is on their way.

[lilypadgirl]

Unfortunately healing isn't linear. Some days/weeks up and some down. But what you can look forward to is that it healing will trend up. So while you may have 1 week up and 1 week down now. You'll find you'll start to have 2 weeks up and 1 week down, then 3 weeks up and half week down, until slowly no more weeks down.

[Zack808]

Unfortunately healing isn't linear. Some days/weeks up and some down. But what you can look forward to is that it healing will trend up. So while you may have 1 week up and 1 week down now. You'll find you'll start to have 2 weeks up and 1 week down, then 3 weeks up and half week down, until slowly no more weeks down.

 

True, because I am currently experiencing it. Almost 2 weeks of feeling like crap, this past week have been decent. It feels like the pain of missing is getting less and I find myself thinking of her a little less, I say little.

[Thisisnotme]

links12, I understand exactly what you are talking about. It has been a week today for me. The first two days were horrible. I could barely function. The days after that were not as bad, I thought "hey, maybe this is not going to be as awful as I thought". Today is a different story. Maybe it is the weekend - not sure. Normally I would be excited that I would be seeing him in a few hours. Not gonna happen - ever again. I can't get off my mind what he is probably going to be doing this weekend. It all sucks. He broke up with me over the phone too, just like last time. Coward. I have been hearing a lot about ups and downs. We will be on a roller coaster as we heal, but we have to let ourselves ride the ride and know we will be better for it later. I know, so much easier said than done. I'm trying and I know you are too.

[links12]

thanks for the replies guys, makes me feel better to know i'm supposed to have crappy weeks like this and that i will have better days eventually coming up. gotta find that strength inside of me.