Progress in the right direction

[Guitarguy_82]

I almost feel like I'm coming close to removing the weight from my shoulders. The weight of the ex and what it means to finally "let go".

 

Earlier today I posted here after waking up and having some anger towards a friend of the ex who I thought was my friend as well. I haven't talked to this "friend" in over a month so this was very random thinking:

 

 

 

One of the responses really sunk in for me:

The problem with wondering, analysing and pondering to death is you're looking for an answer that makes sense for you. but the irony is that the answer which makes sense to you is probably not the one that make sense to your ex.

 

And people who wonder, analyse and ponder to death often date people who don't, so that while you exert a lot of energy thinking about what your ex or her friends intended, neither of them probably put much thought into how their actions would be perceived.

 

What really struck me was that last sentence. This is reflective of the personality of a type of person who just flat out doesn't care about anyone. They are selfish to the core and don't give a flying f**k about themselves let alone people they might say they love. This, actually, was one of the big red flags of my ex (one that I had recognized immediately when we began dating but chose to ignore).

 

That being said: why should I care and waste my time when I should be out living MY LIFE.

 

After letting that sink in, I think I've almost pulled myself out of the "dumps" of this BU and can start breathing again. Of course, it wasn't this singular event...A combination of cold hard NC (about 30+ days now, BU was around Xmas), turning to friends and family, posting on here and reading other's stories, focusing on the concept of trying to get back to "me" (which I CANNOT wait to get started)...all of these things have helped. There is still much work left to do though as far as me improving myself and how I view things/carry myself.

 

I guess the big thing is that yes I still miss the ex, yes I still think of her, but now it's not that crazy ranting lunacy of feeling sad then happy then angry then confused...its just ...there. I acknowledge it and can place it to the side and focus on the task at hand (ironic since I'm at work right now lol). I can think of my ex and say: "you don't know, and you don't care, you never have and you never will...it's really quite pathetic and I feel sorry for you...but you know what? I wish you well. You'll always be in my heart but you don't deserve a place in my life"

 

Again...there is much left to do, but I feel somewhat "stable" now and can grasp the difference between my emotional thinking and my logical thinking; whereas in the past few weeks it was all emotion and no logic whatsoever, which leads to the insanity.

 

Just thought I'd share this with anyone going throught the pangs of a recent BU...Stick to NC and keep your chin up. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF FIRST

[chickydoodle]

Glad you have found a way thru' your thinking. The heart can certainly blind us to the facts and lead us astray- coupled with ilogical thinking.

Acceptance of the situation followed by inner work to enhance belief in SELF.......v important.

 

Also applying the label of a personality disorder to account for extreme callousness can help Kind of kidding.....

[Guitarguy_82]

Thanks, chickydoodle

 

Also applying the label of a personality disorder to account for extreme callousness can help Kind of kidding.....

 

I hope you're referring to the ex....lol