Question for the men..

[maryam]

When you cheat on your wife/girlfriend and she takes you back, would you have less respect for her?

 

Maybe because she settles for less? I dont know..

 

You usually hear that when a woman takes a man back that she doesnt respect herself.

[duke nukem]

I wouldn't want my girl to take me back if I cheated. I wouldn't take me back out of the lack of respect for myself.

 

 

*Note* I would never cheat on someone. Very low thing to do.

[MasterPo]

When you cheat on your wife/girlfriend and she takes you back, would you have less respect for her?

 

Maybe because she settles for less? I dont know..

 

You usually hear that when a woman takes a man back that she doesnt respect herself.

 

I've never cheated so I don't know. I imagine trust issues would doom any reconcillation unless they can be resolved. Plenty of relationships have survived the issue so maybe it does work out for those willing to forgive and forget.

[yeawutever]

I'm not a man but I can assume anyone (man or woman) would lose respect for someone like that. Why would someone settle for a doormat? By taking back a cheater, you're letting them know that it's acceptable and how they can get away with it again.

[RadicalDreamer]

Whether it's an affair involving another man/woman, or whether it's one partner's prolonged emotional and/or physical withdrawal from the relationship, respect is a key issue to whether the relationship can survive, post-Infidelity.

 

In my case, I was the one who wronged her, and we decided after the turbulent months following my confession last year to see if we can try to make it the marriage that it wasn't for the six years previous. It's been a bumpy road, and we're definitely not there yet, but I'm willing to give it every chance we can muster. She has been gracious enough to try, and I can do no less. So no, I haven't lost any respect for her... not in the least.

 

But I worry that I've caused her to lose some respect for herself. A little background: For most of our relationship and almost all of our marriage, she's had to "settle" for me, since at some point I ceased to be the guy she wanted. But even though she was unhappy, she always promised that she was okay and would "figure it out" and that I would just need to be patient some more. Since I went down the terrible road over a year ago and had an emotional affair, I've given her one more reason why I'm not that guy.

 

If she was "settling" for me and the life we had before, when I was a "good" husband, isn't she settling even more so, now? And wouldn't that imply that she thinks less of herself? She's a "blocker" and insists it doesn't concern her in our numerous, painfully honest conversations. All outward signs seem to indicate that it doesn't even figure into her conception of our relationship--since I confessed, she's done a complete 180--but the horrible knowledge of what I did outweighs the brave face she's putting on things. It's the thing that keeps it from being a "setback" and makes it serious problem, one that won't just go away.

 

It's something I'll never be repeating, but the mark is indelible. Maybe there are couples who have moved on fully from affairs or prolonged neglect, but I'm skeptical. And as yeawutever pointed out, there are some partners who would basically take it as carte-blanche to do it again. And we certainly know they're out there. But I'm not sure how anyone who's done this can repeat without committing suicide.

[maryam]

Yess I meant that the person that forgives will me less respected because the are kind of not respecting themselves by settling for less..

[Baily]

no I wouldn't respect them less....if anything I'd respect them more for being the better person. Hopefully I learned my lesson and it never happens again (had I cheated).

It's never an easy process.

[Koglin]

I have never cheated and don't intend to but I would expect my partner not to take me back if I had done such a thing because I certainly wouldn't. I can't say for sure I would feel less of her if she did, it's always an option that she takes you back simply because she doesn't care that much about the cheating or for you for that matter as much as you thought so for other benefits of the relationship she decides to stay. Doesn't always mean she's desperate or tolerates being walked all over.

[Baily]

the one thing that you know is the relationship will NEVER be the same. Trust - whatever was there will never ever get close to what it was.

The foundation is cracked - it's a salvaged title -

some can see past the cracks and salvaged title - many run from it.