Revenge, is it worth it?

[jj12]

So, back story. I'm gay. My ex and I dated for 8 months, moved in together over the summer and things seemed to be going well. Adopted a cat together and we're moving forward and happy. At the beginning of September, we began having fights. I noticed most of this started when my ex became friends with an older man (37, I was 23 and he was 22 at the time). I'm not one to get very jealous, but just brushed it off. I was having some issues of my own as well. It was the year anniversary of my mother's passing coming and I found myself being very upset a lot and thinking about it. Despite my depression, I did my best to make my ex happy...planning surprise day trips, dinners, getting him flowers and constantly reminding him how I loved him.

 

He borrowed my computer for a bit and left his Facebook up one day. I read a conversation he had with the older guy on there and they were discussing some inappropriate things, like * * * * size and sex. I confronted him about it and the issue turned into me being untrustworthy. Things were very back and forth with him, we took a few short breaks until he finally had a break down in mid-October. He told me I needed grief therapy for my mother, that the grieving period was over and I needed to get over it. He also freaked out because his feelings weren't there and he didn't know why. He left me all these notes saying he loved me and wanted to get back together and then we took a break.

 

We didn't talk for a while, had very limited contact for about a month, only him texting every few days to see how I was. He called around Thanksgiving to hang out and talk. We did, he said he wanted to get back together. We ended up sleeping together. The next day he said he only saw me a s a friend. I lost it, over the month we were apart I had gotten therapy and gotten myself in order and just lost it.

 

We tried the friendship thing, which turned into a friends with benefits thing. He was so back and forth with it, and finally he told me he had co-dependency issues he needed to work on. A week after we stopped hooking up he had a new boyfriend. I told him I couldn't be friends with him while he was with someone and I needed time. We haven't talked in about a month. He text me about 3 times to tell me someone he ran into and that he wanted to pick something up from my apartment.

 

Well, last night I went to use my other computer and logged in. He e-mail was still logged in. Probably not the most mature thing, but I read some e-mails between him and older guy. I was right. They had been dating and hooking up while we were together. They still were but keeping it at a distance somewhat. The older guy is married and isn't sure if he wants to leave his husband and my ex is in love with him. They are still hooking up and everything.

 

Now, my question is. What do I do? I have access to all these e-mails which I saved to my computer just in case. Do I show the older guy's husband (who is also friends with my ex)? My ex's current boyfrined? My ex's mom, who loved me and was so confused as to why my ex dumped me and has been suspecting something is up with my ex and the older guy)? Or do nothing at all?

 

I'm pissed but at the same time relieved I was right and that he's crazy and it wasn't me. I'm over this guy and have really realized what a manipulator and * * * * * * * he is.

 

Right now, I'm leaning towards nothing and letting karma do it's job. I was considering printing the conversations and putting them in a box with the things my ex needs and giving them to him when he picks up his stuff. Any advice? Thanks for reading, sorry it was lengthy.

[mr_zanon]

My suggestion is to let it go. Make sure there's nothing else left for him to pick up and forget about it all. Like you said, "let karma do its job".

[Moontiger]

I didn't read your whole post. But, to answer your question, no revenge is not worth it. In the moment it feels good be it drags your integrity through the mud and makes you no better then your ex.

 

Best to just let life kick him in his boy bits when he least expects it. My ex, he broke up with me in terrible way. A week later his precious car that he was so in love with completely died AND the girl he had tried to get with both before and after breaking up with me totally and completely turned him down. No car, no girlfriend, still living with his parents. That was my ex's life after breaking up with me.

[toby17]

Don't do anything. You got this opportunity so that you could get peace of mind and move on. There is nothing in your post that makes me think revenge is appropriate this case or passing on these messages are appropriate.

 

Passing on these messages will cause a lot of drama. And to some extent you'll become the bad guy. The older man's bf might already suspect. The older man's bf and your ex's mom might not react the way you think. And your ex will try to turn things round by pointing out that you accessed his emails.

 

Now you know this information for certain, be grateful you're out of the relationship. Plus, you can now say for certain (to anyone else) that your ex cheated. But f.g.s don't reveal where you got this information.