Should I feel bad?

[Ginna]

I have a boyfriend, Jeremy. We've been together for three years, we care for each other very much, we talk a lot, we're living together. We used to fight a lot- mainly because we were so different (different personalities, history, interests, philosophy, goals, ...). But I changed a bit for him, he changed a bit for me. We worked it out and now we don't argue any more. I love him, but the awesome spark between us has somewhat faded (I guess that happens in all relationships).

 

I also have a friend, Tom. We know each other for about four years. We see each other twice a week because we play in the orchestra together. From the day we first met we have a special connection. We have the same interests, same philosophy, we like the same books and films. He's smart, funny, and he clearly cares very much about me. He's very talented, hard working and focused, so he's very very good at everything he does. He is the kind of person I always wanted to be. He makes me want to improve myself, to try harder. He believes in me. He sees me as the type of person I would like to see myself. I don't need to change anything about me when I'm around him, it just feels right.

 

I was never attracted to him, but I can't imagine not see him again. I would never ever cheat on Jeremy, but he is very jealous of Tom, all these years. I get that, but I can't help myself...

 

I love Tom, truly and unconditionally. Is that something I should feel bad about?

[charity]

do you want to be intimate with tom?

if you have that excitement and butterfly feeling when you see tom, then yeah i think you are being unfair to jeremy. you seem very unenthusiastic about jeremy but you have tom almost on a pedestal. it may be time to analyse whether you really are in a relationship with jeremy because you love him as a man and partner or whether you just are scared of breaking up because of all the drama involved.

[guynextdoor]

Why don't you leave Jeremy to be with Tom? Its strange things are going good with you and Jeremy but you think the grass is greener on the other side..

[Ginna]

Like I said, I was never attracted to Tom. I do not want to be intimate with him- in fact I think any attempt would ruin our friendship.

 

And don't get me wrong... Jeremy is the one I fell in love with. Maybe it was even the differences between us that made the relationship so interesting.

[charity]

if you are not attracted to tom then i don't see a big problem. three things strike me.

 

1. be careful that you keep your secrets, hopes, dreams, intimate conversations for your man. when you start sharing all intimate personal talks with another guy and not your bf you are on a rocky road.

2.always keep things transparent in your relationship with jeremy especially in regards to meetings or dealings with opposite sex.

3. think about whether you REALLY LOVE jeremy. your post sounds less then enthusiastic about him.

[Ginna]

if you are not attracted to tom then i don't see a big problem. three things strike me.

 

1. be careful that you keep your secrets, hopes, dreams, intimate conversations for your man. when you start sharing all intimate personal talks with another guy and not your bf you are on a rocky road.

2.always keep things transparent in your relationship with jeremy especially in regards to meetings or dealings with opposite sex.

3. think about whether you REALLY LOVE jeremy. your post sounds less then enthusiastic about him.

 

Thank you. Those are the exact points I think about a lot.

2) I try to be honest with myself and with both of them. It just pains me to see the way Jeremy looks at me each time I mention Tom.

3) I do love Jeremy.