LeftBehind Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I'm pretty attracted to this girl in one of my classes. There's 7-8 years difference in our ages. Any opinions? Is it too much? My mind tells me it is, but I also can't necessarily help who I'm attracted to either. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I'm pretty attracted to this girl in one of my classes. There's 7-8 years difference in our ages. Any opinions? Is it too much? My mind tells me it is, but I also can't necessarily help who I'm attracted to either. If she has her acts together, and knows what she wants and needs out of her life, then go for it. If she isn't, she might be unstable. I would stay away. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 That's an enormous age gap for these particular ages. At 19 she's about to decide whether to go to school or not and basically lay the foundation for the rest of her life. At your age you're quite possibly well into a career. She's not even 21 so she's going to go through this whole going out to the bars phase which you could quite likely be over and done with by now. At 28 you could quite possibly own a house or condo while she's quite likely still financially dependent on her parents. Lots of things like that. She's got to have this whole realization about who she's going to be as an adult and you're already there. It's a child / adult scenario. Link to comment
LeftBehind Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 That's an enormous age gap for these particular ages. At 19 she's about to decide whether to go to school or not and basically lay the foundation for the rest of her life. At your age you're quite possibly well into a career. She's not even 21 so she's going to go through this whole going out to the bars phase which you could quite likely be over and done with by now. At 28 you could quite possibly own a house or condo while she's quite likely still financially dependent on her parents. Lots of things like that. It's a child / adult scenario. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I think part of it is, I'm quite inexperienced, and I decided to leave my "career" (retail, haha) and go back to college full-time. My aunt offered to take me in so I could do so without working. I'm almost 28, but inside I'm still basically 20-21 (minus the alcohol thing). I think you're probably right, though. Overall. Not a good idea. Thanks. Link to comment
memento Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I've been in this situation many times being an older college student. Last year I dated this 20 year old girl for 2 months and finally I had it... I need a girl at least over 21. The girls under 20 are more into head games, too self absorbed with the "freedom" they finally have(This one time at beer pong.....), and more superficial/judgemental... This wasn't just from one girl, this is from 3 years of getting to know many sub-20 females.. This is all from my own experience, There are always exceptions. Link to comment
The_Seeker Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I've been in this situation many times being an older college student. Last year I dated this 20 year old girl for 2 months and finally I had it... I need a girl at least over 21. The girls under 20 are more into head games, too self absorbed with the "freedom" they finally have(This one time at beer pong.....), and more superficial/judgemental... This wasn't just from one girl, this is from 3 years of getting to know many sub-20 females.. This is all from my own experience, There are always exceptions. Beer pong is awesome! Always exceptions is right! Link to comment
memento Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Beer pong is awesome! Always exceptions is right! Not when that's all they can talk about. Exceptions are rare. Link to comment
Maroney555 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I have a 10 year age gap in my relationship and we have been together for 5 or so years. Got together when I was 18. Link to comment
Momma1390 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 May I ask what the attraction is? Have you spoken with her? Link to comment
LeftBehind Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 I have a 10 year age gap in my relationship and we have been together for 5 or so years. Got together when I was 18. Wow. So, were you just more mature at 18 than most? Congratulations on making that work, by the way. Link to comment
LeftBehind Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 May I ask what the attraction is? Have you spoken with her? We haven't spoken too much. We've only had a few classes, but she has a lot of weird quirks I've noticed that are just like mine, and they are rare quirks. I also notice something in her eyes when I look at her that I've only seen in one other person, but that's more of a spiritual topic than this forum warrants. There's just something about her. As for her side, she laughs a little too over the top at all my sarcastic comments, and if I sit in a different seat she seems to find a way to sit next to me regardless. I also have caught her sneaking peaks at me, the same way I do her. My problem is I'm so inexperienced and nervous I don't know what to say to her. I freeze up. Link to comment
memento Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 We haven't spoken too much. We've only had a few classes, but she has a lot of weird quirks I've noticed that are just like mine, and they are rare quirks. I also notice something in her eyes when I look at her that I've only seen in one other person, but that's more of a spiritual topic than this forum warrants. There's just something about her. As for her side, she laughs a little too over the top at all my sarcastic comments, and if I sit in a different seat she seems to find a way to sit next to me regardless. I also have caught her sneaking peaks at me, the same way I do her. My problem is I'm so inexperienced and nervous I don't know what to say to her. I freeze up. Block the negative thoughts out of your head.. Your goal next class is to get her number. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 If you have not spoken much, I would try to speak with her some more. I wouldn't just ask for her number, IMHO but that's just me. I would try to assess her interest first. I would try just to have conversations with her about what she does after class, etc. But that's just me. Youll be able to tell whether she thinks you are the "older" guy or someone she wouldn't mind seeing. Don't mistake immaturity for shyness, though. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 when I look at her that I've only seen in one other person, but that's more of a spiritual topic than this forum warrants. Be careful on not putting her on a pedestal or ascribing qualities to her of someone else. Link to comment
LeftBehind Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 when I look at her that I've only seen in one other person, but that's more of a spiritual topic than this forum warrants. Be careful on not putting her on a pedestal or ascribing qualities to her of someone else. Yeah, this is good advice. I have done that in the past, and thankfully I've learned to recognize this as I've aged. Link to comment
LeftBehind Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 If you have not spoken much, I would try to speak with her some more. I wouldn't just ask for her number, IMHO but that's just me. I would try to assess her interest first. I would try just to have conversations with her about what she does after class, etc. But that's just me. Youll be able to tell whether she thinks you are the "older" guy or someone she wouldn't mind seeing. Don't mistake immaturity for shyness, though. I'm horrible at starting conversations. This is my problem. I'm so introverted, and loathe small talk. So I'm not even sure how to talk to her. Link to comment
PhilliesFan001 Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 When I was 18 I began dating someone who was 25 - we were together for about 6 and a half years, broke up briefly, and now we're together again. Don't count her out just yet if you like her, talk to her and see what she's about. Ask her out for coffee. Who knows what can happen. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 I'm horrible at starting conversations. This is my problem. I'm so introverted, and loathe small talk. So I'm not even sure how to talk to her. Then, what do you have to talk about on a date? What do you consider small talk? What's wrong about telling her that the last test was a stumper and wondered how she fared? Stuff like that. You have a lot of possible topics being in the same class. What about asking what her major is? You just need courage. Introversion is not hindering you here except in the overthinking things department. Ultimately, if you cannot carry any conversation with her, there is no point. I am introverted also - which doesn't mean I am antisocial. There are some people I can have conversations with because we click. If we don't click, I am not the type who is good at talking to people about nothing or forcing a convo. I really open up with the 2-3 people I am close to. And I do talk to people if the situation is right. If I have a reason to talk to the person, I do. But I don't run up to people randomly on the streets. Introverted just need time to myself to recharge, sometimes more than others. Link to comment
LeftBehind Posted February 9, 2012 Author Share Posted February 9, 2012 You're right there is a stark difference between introversion and shyness. Unfortunately, I'm both. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 You're right there is a stark difference between introversion and shyness. Unfortunately, I'm both. No, there is a stark difference between introversion and being anti social. AND shyness and being anti social.Shy people yearn to have more friends, yearn to accepted and wish they could be involved in conversations but haven't quite gotten the nerve yet. Someone who is antisocial tries to avoid conversations on purpose or hates to talk. Link to comment
Iloveshyguys Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 We haven't spoken too much. We've only had a few classes, but she has a lot of weird quirks I've noticed that are just like mine, and they are rare quirks. I also notice something in her eyes when I look at her that I've only seen in one other person, but that's more of a spiritual topic than this forum warrants. There's just something about her. As for her side, she laughs a little too over the top at all my sarcastic comments, and if I sit in a different seat she seems to find a way to sit next to me regardless. I also have caught her sneaking peaks at me, the same way I do her. My problem is I'm so inexperienced and nervous I don't know what to say to her. I freeze up. What about pointing out one of the quirks, and then saying you also do whatever it is that she does? In a lot of ways, it doesn't matter exactly what you say, b/c if she's interested then almost anything you say will seem nice. And it sounds like she IS at least interested in getting to know you better. Link to comment
LeftBehind Posted February 10, 2012 Author Share Posted February 10, 2012 What about pointing out one of the quirks, and then saying you also do whatever it is that she does? In a lot of ways, it doesn't matter exactly what you say, b/c if she's interested then almost anything you say will seem nice. And it sounds like she IS at least interested in getting to know you better. Yeah, true. I also always have my iPod on in between/before classes because I generally want to be left alone. Perhaps I'll leave the iPod in my bag for that class and see what happens. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Yeah, true. I also always have my iPod on in between/before classes because I generally want to be left alone. Perhaps I'll leave the iPod in my bag for that class and see what happens. Yup, people will steer clear of you if you are always wearing headphones/earpods. You really can't have it both ways - want to be left alone but expect her not to. I would not put the earpods in before or after or during class, or even on your walk to class from your car or other class. You are not approachable if you have them in. I would not just do it for one day, but make it a habit to not. Save the ipod for jogging. Link to comment
WhenWillILove Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 That's an enormous age gap for these particular ages. At 19 she's about to decide whether to go to school or not and basically lay the foundation for the rest of her life. At your age you're quite possibly well into a career. She's not even 21 so she's going to go through this whole going out to the bars phase which you could quite likely be over and done with by now. At 28 you could quite possibly own a house or condo while she's quite likely still financially dependent on her parents. Lots of things like that. She's got to have this whole realization about who she's going to be as an adult and you're already there. It's a child / adult scenario. At 20, I rarely went out to bars. By 21, clubs were a nuisance to me. As far as 'rest of her life' scenario, statistically speaking, people do change their careers and this does happen quite often in today's society. Link to comment
Julimony Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Very true. I'm 20, like a 28-year-old guy, I dont drink and I don't like clubs and bars. I also know what I want to do with my life and am pretty mature for my age, I've been told. And just as WhenWillILove said, people change their careers at any age so the "foundations for the rest of life" are never 100% strong. Age doesn't matter if you like each other. Now you "just" have to make the first move. Since you take the same class you can comment on it, on teachers you have, etc. She seems interested so go for it! Good luck Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.