I don't know anymore.

[insecureguy2]

Hey people.

 

I bet my situation is pretty common but I really need some wise words. Well, I have two types of personalities, outgoing when with small group of friends and very shy and introverted when in a large group or in a foreign situation. My friends would consider me to be funny and pretty outgoing but when i enter new situations its almost night and day. I grow overly shy when im around girls and guys who are seemingly more popular than I. I'm naturally pretty introverted and sometimes i become speechless when trying to hold a conversation with anyone even my friends. I gues waht i want to do is to open up and to approach anybody and hold a decent conversation without making an arss of myself. It sounds easy but its terribly difficult for me. I need help, i don't think this a good way to be. Thanks in advance.

[Aragorn]

WOW,

 

 

Gee you almost sound liek ME!!! Serious!

 

 

I get VERY shy (BUT not nervous) with crowds I do NOT know.

 

FOr instance when I go out cruzing in my car, and I meet up with other people I RARELY say ANYTHING.

 

 

Indeed it MAY feel liek I don't fit in, and MOST of the tiem I don;t want to...

 

SOME people are just pain ronchy!

 

 

When I am around with friends it is ALL about being a GOOF, and I LOVE the attention.

 

 

Though I DO get "anti-social" (so I have been told) when I go over to my ex-co-workers place when she has a party.

 

 

I REALLY don;t say anything, UNLESS spoken too.

 

SO, yeah it's common and NOT shameful. It is instinct or charateristic for most people.

 

 

BEING YOURSELF I think is important, and NOT so nervous!

 

Though I KNOW it has that kinda DARN snowball down a mountain effect, eh?

 

 

Not the BEST advice, but hey dude just be cool!

 

 

 

Matt

[Prezkot]

Yeah story of my life. A master of conversation with close friends, a shy nobody in big groups. Unfortunately I lost all my close friends and I'm condemned to wading through the crowds.

 

My best advice is to continue to be yourself. If you make an arse out of yourself, play it off and let it go. If you forget about it, they will too. It takes a heck of alot of confidence, I know, but it takes practice for the naturally introverted. It won't come overnight.

 

Kind of like the old example of the popular girl getting her dressed ripped, but when her friends confront her, she plays it off as the new fashion, and soon everybody wears their dress ripped.

[Celadon]

It's amazing how the fear of failure can stop us cold in our tracks. I know that feeling well! In large groups, there's more risk of embarrassment, more people might criticize you, and it's harder to "control" or figure out how to be a part of the conversation.

 

Becoming better at it involves a lot of things, mostly developing the skills and gaining self-confidence. You can do it! You just need some practice. Just take one little step each time you're in a conversation/group you don't feel comfortable. Like, vow to say ONE thing, rather than listening to everything. If you have to track the conversation just waiting for your perfect opportunity to jump in, go ahead and do that.

 

Sometimes shy people think first about being supportive of others, but enjoying conversations takes some self-awareness as well.

[hazlcha]

Hey Man,

 

My story too. I just don't do well at parties, but one on one I'm a little better in the conversational thing. Also, if there aren't attractive women there, or only with an older crowd that doesn't seem threatening. But in a social kind of party, I get a little withdrawn, because I feel like everyone's watching me. If I walk up to a girl, I feel like I'm live on national TV.

 

I guess what we have to do is to not be afraid to look dumb. That's the worst thing, the fear. I have also found that asking questions that require more than a "yes / no" answer are great openers. Things like, "What do you think about this party," or something that gets them to talk about themselves. Then, just pick up on what she said and dig a little deeper. I've also learned the "keyword" technique, which means that a person uses a word with a little emphasis, and you use that same word in your next question. Like she says, "I really love writing poetry." You say, "What do you love about it?"

 

In other words, it's OK to listen. Usually it's better to listen than to talk a lot, because I have a saying. "Talking too much is like apologizing for existing." As we march to greater security, we realize we don't need to talk so much, that instead of focusing on the impression we're making, we can love ourselves and focus on learning about the other person.

 

Easier said than done, I know, but I'm trying, and making progress. Good luck!