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Hey guys i'm currently 15 days NC with my X its been really tough at times because im currently out of a job and i don't really have motivation to do anything at all at the moment. I do keep hoping she will txt its a complex situation we haven't really been a proper item since march 2011 but we have been dating each other since then, she decided she doesn't know what she wants and shes confused. One minute shes all loved up with me the next she's not, i let her down in the first year of our relationship and i think that still haunts her.


She kissed another bloke andbut told me the next day she was really really upset "Please don't leave me,i'm so sorry i don't know why i done it" we spoke and she said during the meet up with this other bloke she was thinking "Well he done this to me" and she didn't feel guilty until the kissed. We tried to work it out and we have spoke about feelings an awful lot, we split up start of jan she found out i went on a date and she messaged me saying how hurt she was and she felt like she didn't know me. We spoke and got dinner together its all very strange. We went NC but after only a day she broke it "Why is this so hard, are you ok?" then a txt 20 mins later saying "I'm sorry ignore that am just drunk"


It's my first real love at 25 she has told me she can see us being back together in the future, i stupidly seen an e-mail she sent to a nutual friend 4 weeks ago she had put things in like "i know ill never meet anyone as good looking as personal i'm just so confused am not ready to date anyone else".


Last time we spoke before the row she did say even if in a few weeks i feel like its you and only you i want i'd wait a month or two to see if i still have the same feelings for you.


So fast rewind 15 days ago we have an ulmighty row and it ends with us both saying nasty things about each other the last txt i sent to her was "You keep telling me to move on you need to take your own advice, dont message me again"


And she hasn't its strange. I know all the advice is move on and keep busy its hard to motivate myself at the moment, because she is confused and from the brief message i have put here how do people think she feels? i know its a tough one to ask how someone else feels but any advice would be great.

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So, if I understand, you cheated on her, then she cheated on you, and you have been going back and forth now without really being in a relationship for almost the last year?


You already said it yourself, you need to move. If you keep trying with this girl, you are only going to end up in a broken relationship that is always going back and forth. At the very least, give yourself enough time and space away from her to truly figure out how you feel. And I bet once you get some distance, you will realize the drama and the hurt isnt worth it.


So yes, you already know. Keep busy. Work out, go out with friends, talk to your family, whatever you can do to keep your mind off things as much as possible... and give yourself time.

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Don't think about where she's going or what she's doing.

This relationship is over.

Really over.

Not a proper item for a year?

That's a long time to let a girl use/abuse you.

She's been trying to find someone else for a long time, but it's not always easy to replace someone so she was hanging on to you.

However, she doesn't even want to hang on to you anymore,

She doesn't want you to contact her so don't.

No good will come of it.

I wouldn't even respond if she contacted me.

Time move on.

Really move on.


It sucks that you don't have a job to keep you busy because working is the most productive way to distract yourself.

Go get one.

It doesn't have to be a career.

Make it something fun, like a restaurant, so you can meet new people and distract yourself.


The other thing I suggest is not to put any pressure on yourself to get over this break-up.

It's only been 15 days.

Don't worry about what you should do.

Just be.

Give yourself a deadline and don't be angry at yourself from now until then for not doing anything.

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I never cheate on her i just let her down with certain situations and was more into partying then hanging out with her.


Thanks for the advice guys, i was away for the summer doing camp, and she thought id picked that over her and felt like second best, i will not be contacting her at all just going to try and move on.

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I'm sorry dude, it truly sucks and I wish I knew the magic words but I don't.


So here it is..


Go exercise even if you don't want. Do this every damn day for 21 days. Get up at ..say 5.. hydrate... put on your run/walk gear... go do it. Spend 90 minutes walking/running/climbing stairs/crossing freeways/ etc. Just do it. Not 13 days and take a break.. not 20 days and take a break.. but 21 days straight. It will help - I promise.


The rest of the day is yours. Cry.. listen to love songs.. or be productive: job hunt, more PT, shopping, cleaning, house painting, yacht building, etc. I painted a lot of houses for the impoverished when I was at your stage. It helped and I was unemployed as well. Came home tired and had little time to think about her and "us".


Eat well. Sleep 10 hrs if you manage it without assistance. Read ENA at your own risk. Heartbreak is a personal thing and not everybody will feel what you are feeling, some come close though. Good luck!!

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You sound like my ex,

(Mine didn't pick or even factor me in all that well over a soccer camp and it destroyed us.)


A good guy, but as of right now?

You're not emotionally capable of giving a girl what she deserves.

Time, attention, security, and love.

I believe you loved her, but a person can only do what they can do, you know?

Sometimes, it's just not enough.


As much as I... dislike my ex, will you do me (a complete stranger, lol) a favour?

Even though it sounds like your low emotional IQ and overall fail as a boyfriend is the main reason the relationship ended, don't beat yourself up for it.

You are who you are and you can only do what you're capable of doing at this point in time.

I'm sure you'll grow from it and learn to prioritize your next girlfriend (yes, there will be a next!) into your life better in time.


Like someone else said, eat and sleep well.

This is really important.

If you don't treat your body right, you'll feel even worse.


GL, honey.

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