The friend of the ex

[Guitarguy_82]

So the ex and I dated for 3 months, things went downhill and we split. She's incapable of a healthy relationship and so therefore I must move on, even though we said we loved each other.

 

The ex has a friend that I totally got along with. Had way more in common with her than the ex (despite being younger) and to me seemed more my "type" than the ex ever did.

 

In the aftermath of the breakup I deleted the ex and all of her friends and family off of FB. The friend in question sent me a text today saying that she was sad I had deleted her....big whoop. It's just a website.

 

What I would like to know is if I should go ahead and talk to the friend and see where things go? As I said she and I got along great and always had something fun to talk about.

 

The only stipulation is that I would need to know with 100% certainty that the ex would not be involved whatsoever. The ex clearly does not want me in her life and so she does not have the privilege of knowing what is going on in mine, in my opinion.

 

Now, the friend and the ex go back about a year before I even came into the picture so I would think the friend's loyalty lies with the ex...but then why would the friend reach out to me? She's reached out to me before as well (in a friendly sense: wanting to hang out, etc)

 

Should I go ahead and respond to the friend?

 

In all honesty I still have feelings for the ex but I know she is just a selfish b--ch who thrives on attention and I probably wasn't meant to be with her.

 

Any advice would be welcomed.

[In the Dark]

It's a tough one.

 

What IS the reason the ex's friend is keeping in contact?

Could it be due to liking you?

Or to be a relay to your ex to see what you are up to?

 

You can only find out if you decide to stay in contact and see what kind of questions come up in conversation.

[Guitarguy_82]

Or to be a relay to your ex to see what you are up to?

 

See I thought of that too initially. The ex contacted me about a week ago (after i had gone NC for a while) and it was an extremely brief "hey how's it going" 5 minute chat. Nothing specific. Did not seem interested in what I was up to at all. She's flaky and superficial like that.

 

The friend however seems genuine and is capable of carrying a healthy dialogue and knows that we get along.

 

My stipulation still exists though. If me and the friend are going to be actual "friends", I need to know that the ex won't be involved at all.

[In the Dark]

Well that would have to be left to the serious talk when it does come up with your ex's friend and getting yourself to trust as well.

[DN]

Go for it. Just be clear that you don't want your ex to be told anything about any relationship that may develop.

[Guitarguy_82]

I went for it. Laid down the guidelines and she agreed to treat me and the ex as separate entities. Also said she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Words are cheap these days though so we'll see.