loulou37 Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Hi guys, just wanted to say to everyone who is struggling in NC...being in contact with your ex's doesn't put you in a better place, i've been in contact with my ex since before xmas and i tell you all, this last week has been one of the worst times since the break up 5 months ago, i have been in so much pain, even waking up with that acid, gut wrenching pain in my stomach in the mornings "again" also trouble sleeping... I feel like i'm going through the break up all over again i've had him on my mind the whole time and i'm absolutely sick of it!! today i feel so angry at him, to give up on us when we were so in love, he even said the other day that the timing was all wrong, now 5 months on and things have changed why doesn't he want me?!?! So i've come to the decision...next time we speak, i'm laying all my cards on the table and telling him, i love him and i need to know if there is any way back for us..without doing this i'm going no where, stuck here hoping that we can build bridges...a friend of mine said i should be happy that i have this much of him and not to panic...but i just don't know what is best... I do feel that our phone convos have gone well, he even flirted with me on the last call..but i don't know if a man can do that and still not really want you it's not something i would do with someone i don't feel anything for.... Anyway guys...if anyone has any advice for me, it would be much appreciated. loulou x Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 oh loulou *big cyber hug for you* I keep hoping you will burst on and tell us its ok and your back together . This all comes down to what you can take , and you clearly can't take more ... I have huge respect that you going to lay your cards on the table ...my heart dropped into my pants when I read that ...are you prepared and ready and able to deal with any outcome ? I think you are and I think maybe you need validation from all of us that you just cannot go on like this any more. This is one situation where I think my advice has no substance because it's you who has to deal with the fall out .. but my honest opinion is after 5 months your not been fair to yourself and he needs a wake up call as well . if you can deal with whatever comes your way loulou then you should go for it ..and I hope amongst all hope that you get a good positive response off him xx Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Thanks so much for your reply Shooting star, thanks for the hug, even though it is cyber, it means a lot to me, i'm actually in tears right now i'm in depserate need of support... The times that i have spoke to my ex, i've hinted at things, even in some of my texts but i've never got the response from him i would have liked, i don't know if he's holding out on me, waiting for me to say something direct, i just never felt i could, the last convo we had, he got a little naughty at the end, which really surprised me!! that was a first.... i know he has such alot to sort out in his life and i wanted to wait in the wings so to speak, until he got things back on track but i feel if i don't say something and he doesn't know how i'm feeling then it's going no where...if i come out with everything, then i have no regrets, it's said, if he doesn't want us....then i will take it, probably not very well but it has got to be better than this loulou x Link to comment
quirky Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Hi loulou37 you have my support too, you're not alone sweetie. I don't know the whole story, why did you break up? Have you kept in touch because you would like to be friends in the future or in hope of getting back together? I know how difficult this pain is. ((big hug)) I wasn't in touch as such with my ex but would reply whenever he'd contact me and it set me back SOOOO much. I have to say...from my experience men really go for something if they really want to. They don't even need the guarantees we women need before making a move. I might be completely wrong, I just think he must have picked up on your interest, even if it seems small. I did get back together with my ex and to start with I wasn't very available neither telling him how much I loved him. Which gave him what most men call a challenge. Men need that to pursue usually. I know it all sounds silly and like playing games but if he's the one that brok it off he is the one that has to pursue you. I think he suspects your feelings. Do you think it will give YOU closure to express them? Cos I understand that too, I did it and it did help me. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 Thanks quirky! he broke up with me due to distance, also he had just come out of a 12 yr relationship/marriage, we were together while he was still in the marital home for 7 months, he left and got a place and we stayed togehter for another 5 months, i know, not good, but in the end everything became too much for him, he has 2 young children and yes i understand they are priority... I feel i need to tell him i love him cos it's inside me, if i don't say it i will burst, i want it out, i want him to know i still love him after these 5 months...if it means nothing then i will just walk away and give up, i've tried holding on...but i've got to the point where i need to let go and get on with my life...i don't want to look back saying i wish i had tried. loulou x Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 its so hard isn't it ... but I have to be honest ...you sound ready loulou and your always very caring and diplomatic on here and show such kindness so I am sure you will be able to deliver your concerns to him without to much drama, pressure or unkindness. I guess you have three choices here 1. you keep with this and push a little bit more ( but as we know , we push they pull away and we ask the same questions in a different way in the hope that we will get the response we want ...and seldom do) 2. you just go for it and ask him if he willing and now ready to take steps to recon 3. you go completely NC and never ever contact him again for your own sanity ( which I don't think will serve you well right now as you still have no answers but will gain control over yourself) whatever you decide its your heart on the line darling and you who has to pick up the pieces and only you know how much more you can take . I will be interested to see what others say who are maybe a bit harder than me ..I don't think I am good at "slap you stupid and make you see" advice .... I am more for the hugs and lets eat cadbury's out of business . Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I feel i need to tell him i love him cos it's inside me, if i don't say it i will burst, i want it out, i want him to know i still love him after these 5 months...if it means nothing then i will just walk away and give up, i've tried holding on...but i've got to the point where i need to let go and get on with my life...i don't want to look back saying i wish i had tried. loulou ...that says it al ..you go for it girl and I sending you as much positive energy as a person can ... you have me sat crying now , I feel your pain ...xx lots of love with this loulou Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 thanks hun, i'm glad you have the soft approach, i need that more than anything... i sent him a message on thursday to ask him about some footy stuff he said he'd get me for a charity, i told him just to bag it up and i'll get it collected, he said he'd let me know soon about it, then i deleted his number also i deleted it off my daughters phone, so now i don't have it anywhere and i couldn't even get it if i tried, i done that to save myself chasing him, cos i was feeling really on edge...i have to wait now for him to contact me...it will give me time to get my head together and get some good advice before i speak with him next...if he even contacts me again... sorry to make you cry shooting star, i know these are very hard times for all of us loulou x Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 well your have certainly taken some strong steps ...good for you .. don't apologise ..you just touched me so much . Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 I have sat here all weekend in such a state not good for my 2 boys....i'm gonna make myself get up and go for a run, get out of this place!! Thanks guys for you messages....any more advice would be greatly welcomed. loulou x Link to comment
hodgeheg Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 Loulou - I want to help you but I hope this doesn't come accross too harshly - I'll send you lots of chocolate if it does! You need to make a decision and stick with it. I think it's obvious from the way you write that you are still hung up on your ex and you aren't thinking as rationally as you could. There is much more to your life than him and you need to see that! Personally, and I'm sorry to say this, I don't think he wants you back. But you aren't going to believe it until he tells you. You're punishing yourself and I just don't know what to say... I want you to stop letting him string you along but I know it's hard and I can't do it for you. You've done well deleting his number but if you want to stop this whole thing you either need to ask him not to contact you or come out with what you want to say and see how he reacts. It will take lots of courage but you can do it! I hope that wasn't too harsh for you, I really care about you and your sanity - that's all! Link to comment
Lansing Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 I agree with the last poster. If he is flirting with you and talking naughty that isn't being fair to you as he may just be stringing you along. If you are "just friends" then he should treat you as a friend. I know it is going to be a lot of pain to ask him if he sees you two back together but maybe better to get that potential pain out of the way and then move on with your life is things don't go the way you are hoping. If you feel like you have to "give it a shot" and can't just walk away, then, probably best to have a final talk. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 thanks hodge, i really do apreciate your advice...you are right, i am totally hung up on him still, i love him with all my heart But this last week has been so hard..i know i need to just say what i need to say and go with the outcome..i think i've just built my hopes up again cos he always texts when he says he will and calls me without prompting, we talked for 2 hours on the phone, i told him to go but he wanted to stay talking to me, prehaps i've read it all wrong... loulou x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 I agree with the last poster. If he is flirting with you and talking naughty that isn't being fair to you as he may just be stringing you along. If you are "just friends" then he should treat you as a friend. I know it is going to be a lot of pain to ask him if he sees you two back together but maybe better to get that potential pain out of the way and then move on with your life is things don't go the way you are hoping. If you feel like you have to "give it a shot" and can't just walk away, then, probably best to have a final talk. I was quite surprised when he flirted with me..i had said something to see if i got a reaction and i did!! i've done this before and he's not responded... I think for my own sanity i need to just say what needs to be said. loulou x Link to comment
hodgeheg Posted January 29, 2012 Share Posted January 29, 2012 thanks hodge, i really do apreciate your advice...you are right, i am totally hung up on him still, i love him with all my heart But this last week has been so hard..i know i need to just say what i need to say and go with the outcome..i think i've just built my hopes up again cos he always texts when he says he will and calls me without prompting, we talked for 2 hours on the phone, i told him to go but he wanted to stay talking to me, prehaps i've read it all wrong... loulou x I don't know if you've read it all wrong but I think it's best to judge on actions rather than words. It is perhaps optimistic that he calls/texts but I'm just a massive pessimist and would say that he hasn't actually said that he wants a relationship with you. If you can keep up this charade then it does appear that it's working to make him see you at least as a friend but what is it doing to your health? The way you're obsessing isn't healthy lou, and you don't want him as just a friend! Maybe think - how would you be acting if this was a new relationship? But I guess you've already invested your heart. What do you think he wants, you know him better than anyone here? Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 29, 2012 Author Share Posted January 29, 2012 You know what hodge, i aint got a bloody clue what he wants :s i'm confused, why does he even bother to speak to me? he must know the only reason i talk to him is cos i love him, he's not stupid is he?... i could continue like this or i could be up front and tell him. i love him, i want him in my life, even if it's not possible right now, let him get his life in order, i would be here for him but not without any sign from him....the last thing i want to become is his friend...maybe by being his friend there is a way back to us but i honestly don't see how that could happen.. My heads all over the place, i think what put me in this mess is a message i sent him the other night, the response was not what i expected, my friend digdug read the message and he said he didn't see what i saw, to calm down and not to panic...but it's hard not to, when i thought i was making progress.... loulou x Link to comment
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