moving for job without my better half

[sademotions]

Times are hard. Jobs are hard to come by, let alone your dream job. I made a hard decision to apply out of state and recently interviewed for a dream job. If I am offered a job, I will have to leave my better half behind and move to the new state alone. I want to get atleast a year of experience before I move back, at least thats my plan. My dilemma, what do I tell my future boss about my personal life? They might not ask me about my personal life during hiring process, but I will have to open up at some point to them about my committed relationship and leaving my partner for the job.

 

The kind of field I am in, spends lots of money training their employees, and I do feel guilty for using them for experience only. What do you think would be their reaction if they find out that I intend to move back to my current state? Is this very common in work place? Should I not tell them anything about my personal life for the fear of not being offered a job?

 

 

Please help!

[camus154]

With all due respect, I think this whole plan is doomed to fail on all accounts.

 

If you do get the job, it will be at the cost of your relationship. And if the relationship does survive the time apart, you will undoubtedly burn bridges by moving back within so short of a time frame since the investment to train you is large.

 

This is a bad idea all around. I suggest you deal with your situation for what it is--real life, where there are always trade-offs and compromises.

[annie24]

With all due respect, I think this whole plan is doomed to fail on all accounts.

 

If you do get the job, it will be at the cost of your relationship. And if the relationship does survive the time apart, you will undoubtedly burn bridges by moving back within so short of a time frame since the investment to train you is large.

 

This is a bad idea all around. I suggest you deal with your situation for what it is--real life, where there are always trade-offs and compromises.

 

I tend to agree. Because you'd just be there for a year and turning right back around? Kind of strange. Can your SO move out with you for the job? Have you talked to him/her about the potential move? I know some couples who decided on certain metro areas they were willing to move to (ie, Boston, NYC) and then focused their job searches there.

[sademotions]

Thanks for your quick response.I love ENA and all of the advices and insights shared in here.

 

I guess you guys are right. However, me and my so have a full understanding of what moving apart will to our relationship. We have had LDR before (for my schooling) and that went pretty well. We both decided that it is really crucial that I get that experience that I really need for my career growth, which is very hard to get in my current state. He is very supportive and is willing to face LDR challenge for a while for the sake of my career. My concern was more towards how to handle this with my potential employer. I do feel very guilty because technically I am using them for a year or two and do plan to leave them, but at the same time my career is at a stall right now and I want to learn and grow as a professional so in that sense moving is not a very bad idea. I don't know, I guess either way, I am at a loss and I cant sake the feeling of guilt for having the ulterior motive for seeking job.

[camus154]

Just bear in mind that while you may gain the experience from this position, you may not be able to count on them as a solid reference.

[Lookin4Answers]

I disagree with some of the comments above. Is this company making you sign a contract? If you are not signing for a certain amount of time, then when you are ready to leave give them plenty of notice, and you simply move on in life. It's business. You could me moving back for a multitude of reasons. You're stressing now about something that is so far ahead. Take the dream job, love your partner for being so supportive, and evaluate your situation again in a year. If your working hard and making money, you can visit your S.O. and perhaps stretch to two years without it damaging the relationship. If you work hard and perform well, you would be surprised how many people would still write a reference for you because they know you are a quality person.

[Stay_home]

Stay put.

 

Just because you go out there doesn't mean that it's a guarantee things will workout. A year? Consider the amount expense it is to move back and forth like that; cost of living expenses as well as you being the lowest man on the totem pole under a probationary employee status as a new comer. If I were you, I'd probably stay put at home.

[luminousone]

If you do choose to go, you need/should not say anything to your employer. You do not know what the future holds - maybe your so would move closer to you, or maybe you won't even like the new job, or maybe you will love it so much you won't want to leave it! If anyone asks in passing conversation then you could mention that you have a long distance relationship. Otherwise I would leave any forecasting out of it.

[RedDress]

I moved for my career. I was single at the time, though. I really planned to do the same thing... come for a year or two and then move back "home". That was... oh... 7 years ago this March?

 

Stuff happens in a year. If anyone asks about your relationship status, say you have a bf and that he might move to where you are in a year. I mean... he might... Ultimately, your personal life is your business. People at work ask to make small talk. It's not really their business at all.

[Allyo]

Wow, this reminds me of me! I just recently left behind my partner in search of better opportunities. Work opportunites that is. And we are definitely trying the long-distance thing. I was worried that I wasn't getting the kind of experience that I need to go in the direction that I want to go.

 

So obviously I vote for taking the job and bettering yourself professionally. Have you spent a lot of time looking for work where you are located now? Have you exhausted all possibilities and options?

 

Long-distance relationships can certainly work as long as you and your partner are open to it and both parties make an equal effort.

 

As far as personal stuff in an interview, I wouldn't even mention your partner! Don't get me wrong - I don't have a lot of interview experience, but asking personal questions in an interview is unprofessional in my opinion and mostly illegal! Although I have heard that a lot of employers try to sneak in personal questions as a way of somehow gaging your stability and reliability.